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Song Parodies -> "Bettman"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Gary Bettman is the first Commissioner of a sport to cancel an entire season. He is going not to the great rink in the sky but to the great penalty box below. And as for the two great players who became owners, rest in peace, Wayne Gretzky (1961-2005) and Mario Lemieux (1965-2005), because, as far as I'm concerned, you have betrayed the game, and you are dead to me now. Never forget, never forgive.
One, two, three, four, CANCELLED!

Let me tell you how it will be:
I'm capping off your salary.

'Cause I'm the Bettman.
Yes, I'm the Bettman.

Should 40 mill appear to small
be shocked that I locked out you all.

'Cause I'm the Bettman.
Yes, I'm the Bettman.

On the ice surface? I'll cap that sheet.
Your team playing hot? I'll cap that heat.
Got a postgame spread? I'll cap that meat.
Got your skates laced up? I'll cap those feet.


(old skating-rink organ music replaces George Harrison's guitar)

Don't ask me for Lord Stanley's Mug.
(Uh-uh, Steve Yzerman!)
This season, I have pulled the plug.
(Uh-huh, Mats Sundin!)

'Cause I'm the Bettman.
Yes, I'm the Bettman.

And my prediction, hockey fans?
You'll be back when the lockout ends!

'Cause I'm the Bettman.
Yes, I'm the Bettman.
And you're suckers for people like me!

(organ rink fade-out)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.1
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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John Jenkins - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
He cancelled the season, but it looks like it's going to get un-cancelled. Anyway, good parody with very clever caps.
Rick D - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
All sports fans have the power to put a stop to this nonsense forever. DO NOT BUY ANY TICKETS FOR 6 MONTHS. This will never happen again.
Scathe - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Beautiful, Mr. Pacholek. I submitted my NHL parody today. Look for it.
alvin rhodes - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
clever...especially the "i'll cap that..." part...5s
Charlie Decker - February 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I can't believe the way that the NHL, the NHLPA, and the media are jerking us hockey fans around. 5s from me. 1s to the Bettman and Goodenow.

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