I'm at a card game night
And I've been tempted to run off
'Cause at a card game night
You've got those players who will scoff
At ev'ry move that you do, look down their noses at you
Until the figures fly

It could drive one insane
The kinds of violence about such things
You're supposed to have fun when you play
Shouldn't be stratas and closed rings
It starts off as a mean joke but soon they're coming to blows
Because one card is lame

So I don't join in the games on these nights
But I'm roped in 'cause the pay's pretty high
High, yeah

I'm at a card game night
I've got a black eye, broken schnoz
Your standard card game night
Though it's not as bad as it was
Since we had to institute your standard LARP weapon rules
Now it's just fists that fly (ah!)

I wish that it was a joke but even nerdy-type blokes
Want to dish out the pain

Man, you'd hope my rulebook would stop these fights
That's a no, whacking them with it feels nice
Nice, yeah (ooh)

I'm at a card game night
My two weeks notice might soon come
You'd think a card game night
Would be real friendly, don't be dumb
'Cause ev'ry Twitter egg douche in the flesh is just as rude
I almost want to die
Employee discount price
Just isn't worth this shite