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Song Parodies -> "All You Bleed Is Blood (Monthly Version)"

Original Song Title:

"All You Need Is Love"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"All You Bleed Is Blood (Monthly Version)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Suggested to Jim Rotondo as a follow-up to his parody of the same name and same OS, but apparently, Jim has "taste", whatever that is, and politely declined. TT obviously has no taste whatsoever, having reamed ABBA with "Got A Tampon, Please" more than three years ago. Apparently, TT's readers don't have any taste, either, since that song has been his all-time #1 page-hitter for a looong time.

FWIW, Ladies, guys have their own problems -- like being "cursed" with the incessant hunger described this past Tuesday, but this particular turtle-guy, as per the above "plug" (OMG, that is the most AWFUL pun EVER!), empathizes with you.

[Intro, to the opening bars of "La Marseillaise" (French National Anthem)]

I just turned thirteen; now, I can date
But I also .... menstruate

Blood, blood, blood
Crud, crud, crud
Fudd, fudd, fudd

There's nothing you can do about "those days"
Wear your Maxi-Pad™ and hope it stays
Grown-ups always claim that you must learn how to be a dame
Not easy!

Nothing you can wear that can't be stained
No way you can know when you'll be pained
Bad when you feel damp, but even worse getting a cramp, that "time"
Feels queasy!

All you bleed is blood
Didn't breed, so: blood
I don't need this blood, Bud
Blood from fall of seed

Ova feed to blood
Yes, indeed, much blood
Pregnancied? No; blood, stud!
Birth control:succeed

Something girls must know when they are grown
Guys don't get it, see? It's ours alone
Bad enough: can't pee just anywhere, like guys, by tree
How cheesy!

Half your life: bleed blood
Become wife: bleed blood
Laundry rife with blood, blood
'Cause of Eve-il deed

All you bleed is blood (Legs together, now!)
Yes, indeed, now, blood (Ov'ry body!)
Days, must heed for blood flood
Blood is all you bleed ("Is that all?", I plead)

(Look at bloody ooze)
Oh, no!
(Got the monthly blues)
It's today...
(Dripping on my shoes)
Make love: you? Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Disgust: you? No, no, no!
Love is more than bleed
Love is woman's need
On that, all agreed?
Oh, yeah, yes, indeed!
Have a toke of weed [1]
To the bed, I lead
Making all due speed
Have a ball, proceed
That is Tommy's creed
Thank you all for read!

[1] Queen Victoria, longest-ever reigning Monarch of the UK (1837-1901), was reported to have used cannabis to ease her menstrual cramps. Can't get a higher endorsement than that, even if you *do* win eight Olympic gold medals, as in yesterday's two pot-odies.

"All You Bleed Is Blood" (first version) © Jim Rotondo. "Maxi-Pads"® McNeil-PPC, Inc. All else © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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alvin - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
apparently i have no taste either cause i was rather amused
Chance Gollnick - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
good parodie girls are like monsters on that
Mark Scotti - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Bloody funny!
Christie Marie M - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Great flow to those lyrics. A total nightmare for adolescent girls to go through! 5's!
Travelin' Man - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
TMGLTM! Now we know what the TOM in TommyTurtle stands for! Pardon brevity... Composed/sent on cell phone!
Tommy Turtle - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin, we all knew that lol! ... thanks alvin
Chance Gollnick, cut them some slack -- not an easy thing to go through. Thanks for v/c.
AFW - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Just another great job here, period !
Below Average Dave - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Interesting sub note, I'd not heard of "Queen Victoria" (explains why I got an 82 back in European History all those years ago) Anyway, fun parody TT, and I've got a deal for you, I want to hear the other song with the "hitchin a ride" name, if you can provide a link to it, I'll take a stab at it and you take a stab at Green Day's which I'll provide a link to, for Monday's updates, it'd be kinda fun to quasi-hitch a ride:)
Tommy Turtle - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW: Thanks, period!
Below Average Dave: Perhaps heard of Victorian era, V-architecture (historic preservation districts in US) or "Victorian" as a synonym for "prudish"? No? Ok... lyrics, and video. Great idea, but maybe not this weekend on my end? Posted 9 songs this week, some rather long and requiring a lot of research, and kinda' burnt out. Would love to see you do the oldie -- your title switch was superb, and you won't have any trouble coming up with good ones for this simple melody and lyrics. Thanks for v/c, BAD.
Below Average Dave - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Cool, keep this thread open, just let me know when you want to do it.
TT to BAD - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Dave, are we keeping the same title sub also, or just doing any title that pops into our heads? I thought you meant to keep "Ditchin' My Bride", but just checking.
Below Average Dave - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
Any title of course. . .I just think it'd be cool if you and I did parodies of original songs with the same title on the same day, but by two totally different authors--and since I already did Green Day's version--I'd take the older, and you the newer isn't quite perfect, but it's close, It, like the one you linked to, isn't too terribly long of a song, but yeah, it'd be kinda fun--just let me know when you want to do it and we'll do a double release so to speak:)
Tommy Turtle - July 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti, Christie Marie M, and Travelin' Man: No clue why replies and thanks didn't make it from the mind to the page the first time around -- I suspect alien intervention.

Mark Scotti: Didn't know you were British! lol! thanks Mark!

Christie Marie M: Love how your praise flowed over me! And TT has great empathy for the growing pains of girls - and boys. Thanks for v/c, CMM!

Travelin' Man! Thanks for your cell-ebration (and cere-bration! ... if yer cell phone is having problems, give it some Cell-ebrex :-)
mymro - November 17, 2022 - Report this comment
Top-quality starter solenoid for cub cadet mtd 725 04439 with low price. Shop now!MyMRO
annie gardner - November 17, 2022 - Report this comment
I laughed
Million21 - November 17, 2022 - Report this comment
pretty funny 555 if you like period pieces check out no more menstruation by purrl to chicagos your the inspiration absolutely peed myself.
Vivan - March 09, 2023 - Report this comment
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