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Song Parodies -> "I'm Not Gay"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Not Gay"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The best-received of my professional works. The producer said that his singer, who usually nails *everything* in one take, needed multiple takes, as he had difficulty getting all the way through it without cracking up. I can't imagine a higher compliment that a professional comedy singer and impressionist could give to a writer.
I'm not gay
Though in airport johns, I spend my day
It's jut how I while the hours away
You must believe
That I'm not gay

Accident'ly bump foot; brush his knee
Now he has the wrong idea of me
Sir, I'm not gay
Why can't you see?

Why... I... tapped your shoe:
'Cause this loo: clean paper, none
Could... you.. pass a roll
So this soul
Can wipe his bun?

I'm not gay
Judge not what I do, but what I say
Underneath, I slid my hand your way...
Few sheets, retrieve
That's all, OK?

He... thinks... touching feet:
Indiscreet; I want to play
No... you've... got it wrong
Loud and strong --
-- shout, "I'm NOT gay!"

Was misunderstood, to my dismay
How more forcefully can I convey...
(And self-deceive)...

Why do they think that I am fay?....

© 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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McKludge - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
It's true that anyone who shouts to the world "I'M NOT GAY!" will immediately be assumed to be gay.
alvin - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
fun read...i'm not gay either...hell, i'm not even happy
Phil Alexander - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Not sure that they'd think you're fey.. but they might think you're Larry ;-)
AFW - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
You did not stall out on this one..
Tommy Turtle - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
McKludge: Yeah, Craig's denials were ludicrous... thanks McK.
alvin: sorry to hear that... have some holiday cheer! (gulp) thanks for v/c
Phil Alexander: Nailed it! ... as usual. thanks Phil :)
AFW: LOL! thanks AFW.
TJC - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Faytastic! Great subs, title switch & da' Nile-ism!
Below Average Dave - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
A timeless political fumble. What makes it funny (the story it's based on) is what the guy who did it stood for. . .I almost expected this to be one of those I say 'foul' on--but that's why you have to read before commenting on a title, very well written Tommy.
Meriadoc - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
How do you determine the sex of a turtle anyway? :-)
Tommy The Straight Turtle - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
TJC: Aww, shucks, it was just written by deceit of de pants.... thanks TJ!

Below Average Dave: Actually, I did consider titling it "I'm Not Gay (Larry Craig)", but sometimes it's more fun for readers to figure it out themselves. Thanks, Dave.

Meriadoc: It's difficult - they're so shy; first you have to get them to come out of their shell.
As Ogden Nash put it:

The turtle lives twixt plated decks
That totally conceal its sex
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix, to be so fertile

© Estate of Ogden Nash... oh, and thanks for v/c, Merry. Hope you're feeling better these days - I've misses you, as I'm sure many others have. Happy holidays!
John Jenkins - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Very good parody and very good comments.
Tommy Turtle - December 23, 2008 - Report this comment
John Jenkins, thanks much, and happy holidays!
Spoof-man - January 03, 2009 - Report this comment
Awsome song, man
Tommy Turtle - January 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Spoof-man, thanks!
Listen to "Original Sin" by INXS - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Just saw your "Yesterday" parody. One of several great spoofs of that song. Keep cool. Turtle Power!
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Listen to "Original Sin" by INXS: Thanks! LOSINXS Power!

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