sunday morning at 8 o'clock highland games begin
watching the man do the hammer throw
dropping a shot put upon his toe
a big guy walks up to a big log
standing straight to the sky
walks to the line like a mighty hoss
and he does the caber toss

he ( what a dumb sport that he tries)
is heaving ( telephone poles on these guys)
ho ( why does he just not tip cows like I do?)
he's heaving ho, with a telephone pole
like he's done for years.. why why???

fried up scones and some haggis feasts are the market fare
eat up the onions now lying there
lots of bad teeth, freckles, reddish hair..
we sit down to watch as the dancers trim nails with dancing swords
bouncing around like a lunatic
pipers with beards sounds make me so very sick

he ( why is he dresseed like a girl?)
is heaving ( we hear the pipes as they skirl)
ho ( what has the caber toss done to this guy?
he's heaving ho, with a telephone pole
like he's done for years.. why why???

afternoon comes and the drunks are leaving the parking lot
all having whisky upon their breath
setting out now for the roadway deaths

he ( don't tell him what I just said)
is heaving ( if you do I will be dead)
ho ( his arm's as big as my thigh)
hee's heaving ho with a telephone pole
like he's done for years.. why why??????