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Song Parodies -> "My Shell"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"My Shell"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

My shell: I dwell
Don't come out unless I know you well
Stay, my shell

Me' chel' est bell' [1] [2]
"Si vis pacem, para bellum" - hell! [3][4]
Coit', non bell' [5][6][7]

I need shell; not bleed, shell; hide weed, shell!
But makes it tough to lay
Until I find a way
I still ponder words by Ogden Nash 'til
I understand [8]

My shell fits well
Keeps my rear end covered; can't you tell? -- [9]
I love my shell!

Can't lose shell; can't goose shell, caboose: shell
Reduces need: sunblock
Though makes it tough: find c*ck
Until I do I'm peeing through a
Tube to my gland

I have to!

Shell decks me; protects me, de-sex me
So that nobody sees
Testudines' testes [10]
Food chewed; mood, skewed; brood, cued: pude viewed nude; you'd clued: lewd, crude, rude; feud spewed: booed; sued; screwed! [11]
Dude: prude; who'd wooed? [12]

My shell: It's swell
Friends find space in carapace: "XL"; [13]
Friends swell said shell [14]

Cozy space in carapace; cool place for friends to revel:
Tommy's shell!

[1] OS inexplicably switches into French here. I need to do switches on OS, so the parody inexplicably switches into inexplicably philosophical Latin here, although for one verse only.
[2] Contraction of "Meus chelys est bellus", or "My tortoise (hence, 'shell') is pretty (or 'handsome')" *
[3] "If you want peace, prepare for war"; namesake of the Luger "Parabellum" pistol and of a type of ammunition; actually, a commonly quoted paraphrase of "Qui desiderat pacem, preparet bellum" ("Who desires peace should prepare for war.") -- Flavius Vegetius Renatus: "De Rei Militari III".
[4] "hell!" - The author's opinion of war, and also that of General William Tecumseh Sherman: "War is hell", which he proved during the U.S.'s Civil War with a "scorched earth" policy in invading the Southern states.
[5] "Make love, not war" (loose translation). "Bell'" here is a contraciton of "bellum," or "war," as in previous line; not to be confused with "bell'"="bellus" in Line 1 of this verse.
[6] I don't really remember there being contractions in Latin, but there are now, heh heh!
[7] Before all the real Latin geeks waste their time, I shall admit freely that I suck badly at Latin.
[8] (Frederick) Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 – May 19, 1971), should be the patron saint of parodists for his puns, wit, and social satire. Anyone who reads about Nash's penchant for twisting real words to fit his needs will see a seminal force for The Turtle. The Nash ditty referred to is called "The Turtle". I had intended to reprint it here, but apparently whoever inherited or holds Nash's copyrights fusses at people who do that, even if they don't do it commercially. It still might be theoretically possible to find Ogden Nash Turtle poem in search engines, though I wouldn't know where.
[9] In both the literal and figurative senses, i. e. "Cover your ass."
[10] Turtles are members of the order "Testudines"; crown group, "Chelonia."** In other words, "So that you can't see the Turtle's gonads."
[11] "pude" = "pudenda": the genitals (from Latin, "ashamed")
[12] I think I just broke my all-time personal record for consecutive internal rhymes -- 23, over two lines, although at the expense of running "slightly" over OS. (Previous record was 9 over two lines in "Only Stu Can Break Wind (Fart).) Un-ellipsised line: After having eaten dinner, his mood would be distorted in that he would start to worry, or brood, if his genitals, or pudenda, were viewed when he were nude, which you had informed him would be considered lewd, crude, and rude by others, who might forcefully express their enmity by booing, or take legal action such as suing him, thereby harming him immensely, or "screwing" him. This guy is a prude, so who had ever courted, or wooed, him?
[13] "XL": As in clothing, "extra large"
[14 ] "Swell" in this line means "enlarge", as opposed to colloquial meaning in first line.

Footnotes to footnotes: (Foot-squared notes? Square-foot notes? Square-meter notes outside US?)
*The Latin survives in French as in the OS's "belle", which made it into English also ("belle of the ball", e. g.); and as "bella" in Italian and Spanish. Etymology (the study of word origins) is a hobby for Etommymology Turtle.... Hey! The Latin for "tortoise", which is "chelys", looks like it starts with our word "shell"! Son of a gun!
**Gosh darn! "Chelonia" -- There's another word that looks like it starts with "shell"!

Check out Ogden Nash here. © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

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alvin rhodes - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
fits well
AFW - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
The scenario, in itself, is hilarious...just to picture a turtle singin' about it's shell..I could envision it in a Disney cartoon flick..
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Foul! 3 x 5 minutes on the bench! This place is for parodies, not cover-songs! ;-)
TT - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
alvin (lol), AFW, Peter ("cover" lol), thanks.
Johnny D - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
TT, I think you just passed John A. Barry to take the lead in scholarly supplementary parody exposition. Good job.

P.S.: Huh-huh, huh-huh, you said "genitals", huh-huh, huh-huh!
TT - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Johnny D., thanks... It's congenital; (Latin "genitive" case), thanks for being "gen-uh-tle" with me :)
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
If this didn't sound so Brokeback Mountain-ish, I would say you have a little John Barry in you...oh what the hell, I said it anyway....which is a high compliment from me. Being semi-illiterate, most of his astounding wordplay goes right over my head. I'm afraid a lot of yours will too....but 5's none the less.
Red Ant - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, you get a new acronym thrown your way: TMFFTM (Too Many Freaking Footnotes To Mention). And what Dee said about being semi-alliterate. ;-) Maybe I can throw you an idea now: "Footnotes" to "Foot Lose"; make it as impossibly technical as you can, then use a crapton (a precise unit of measurement more than a ton but less than a f***ton, which is undefined) of footnotes to explain it all. Heh heh. 125^1/3 power, 4- -1, 2 squared + 2X(1/2).
Rick C - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought I voted and commented on this yesterday but, I guess not. Excellent wordplay here. 555
Michael Pacholek - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
I take it you wrote this 'cause you're sick of all the "come out of your shell" jokes. Well, with this song, you've come into your own. Five of whatever it is that turtles eat... actually, my mother has a turtle, and I've seen what they eat, and it looks like a Merry-and-Pippin parody subject! (They wrote the infamous "Flatworm Trilogy.")
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
A shell of a parody
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
TT - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Dee Range, thanks; I'll take any compliment, and that's a pretty high one indeed... I had a little "Barry-um" enema once; does that count? ... Red Ant, thanks; as usual, I DK your OS, but sounds like a cool idea - you go for it; you did a pretty good job of tech-ing up your vote, 4 wich I thank U... Rick C, thanks... Michael P, thanks... Green sea turtles eat seaweed and other algae-type stuff... good for you; lots of vits and mins... Larry Hensley, thanks.
Stuart McArthur - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
holy toledo - I've never seen footnotes to footnotes before! This was wonderful TT - I liked "Until I do I'm peeing thru" but then that got swamped by TMGLTM, let alone your excerpt from Penguin Rhyming Dictionary Page 122 (heading: food) - so just a 555 :-)
TT - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart, thanks :D ... haven't seen the PRD, but the real challenge wasn't thinking of the rhymes, it was making a (theoretically) coherent pre-ellipsis sentence of them...
BTW, re our discussions elsewhere of global rhyme and dialect variations, I think you could make big money by publishing an "Aussie - American" dictionary! Maybe two more volumes: "QE - Aussie" and "QE - Yank" ("QE" = "Queen's English", not the ship), since the three groups who allegedly all speak English seem to have so much difficulty understanding each other ;-)
Stuart McArthur - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
well, I have two chapters worth of material just within my address, TT

firstly, my name: I've yet to meet an American who doesn't pronounced it "Stoo-ERRRRT" - whereas everyone here (with our quaint Aussie English) pronounces it "STYOO-it" - to rhyme with "Do it" - altho yours is better than the Japanese pronunciation, which goes "Su-choo-ART-oh"

secondly, my home city: Local stand-up comedians have over-milked the gag of first-time Americans coming here and pronouncing Melbourne as "Mel BORRRRRNE" - whereas we denizens pronounce it "MELB'n"

viva la difference!
Blimey Turtle - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart, did you know that there is a Melbourne, Florida, USA, and that it was named after your home town (no joke)? Most Yanks pronounce as you said, but some do "Melburn" (with the "R" r-ticulated, of cauhse"... as in "cigarette... burn") The benefit of the Yank way is that parodists can rhyme it with "well-born"; DK what the Aussie way would rhyme with (probably with "xylophone", for all I know) :) :) .....btw, how do you guys say "Canberra"... is it "Canb'a"? Almost afraid to ask about Sidney..... :=)
Paree Dee - April 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Your beyond beyond rhyming was, I think, unparalleled by anyone, anywhere ! As soon as I saw the title, I thought, Why hasn't he done this before? Michele was soooo yours for the parodying ! Thanks for the Latin lessons ! What a great piece !
Adagio - April 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Did you know that the footnotes were longer than the entire song? ; ) I didn't mind reading about all those 'belles' since Belle is my middle name. Of course, I wouldn't anyway, since I really like your parody. I have one question for you? :

Nobody can see what you are, BUT how do you tinkle, er...use the facilities? lol
TT - April 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Paree Dee, thanks :) and as far as being "a great piece", shucks, all the girly Turtles say that... ;-)... PB Adagio, thanks :D ... for answer to your question, see last half of fifth verse :)
Melbourne Turtle - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle was hatched in the Archie Carr National Wildlife Refuge, Melbourne Beach, Florida.

Archie Carr National Wildlife Refuge

"The twenty mile section of coastline from Melbourne Beach to Wabasso Beach in Florida is the most important nesting area for loggerhead sea turtles in the western hemisphere and the second most important nesting beach in the world. Twenty-five percent of all loggerhead sea turtle and 35% of all green sea turtle nests in the United States occur in this twenty mile zone".

Mate, you think it's a small world because you and TT are only a couple of degrees form Angelina Jolie??? You live in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, and TT lives 15,000 km away, but in Melbourne, Florida, USA. How freakin' small a world is that??? :-)
John Jenkins - December 05, 2011 - Report this comment
Whereas Mr. Nash produced "The Collected Trashery of Ogden Nashery," could this parody be part of "The Musings Fertile of Tommy Turtle"?
Tommy Turtle - December 06, 2011 - Report this comment
John Jenkins: I like it! :-D         Thanks for stopping by!
Glen S - March 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Great fun on this one TT. A well written parody with a bibliography longer than the parody itself = awesome. Crazy, but awesome. I just posted my take on this song not long ago, and I'm a sucker for good parodies of it, which this is :c]
Tommy Turtle - March 31, 2012 - Report this comment
Glen S: Will have to look at yours as soon as able -- promised self to finish taxes this weekend, as said, but scr*w the IRS -- thanking those who take time to read/v/c comes first!
    Not everyone likes lengthy footnotes -- have gotten complaints -- but these were fun, and some do enjoy them. Glad you liked it, and no arguing "went a little crazy" with them. xD
Peregrin - August 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Melbourne huh? Noted! Funny work here. Long comments - complaints???!!!

Don't like 'em? Don't read 'em! What have I missed with that concept?
Tommy Turtle - August 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: Ahh, you see the value of following TT plug/links! (KIDDING) ... it's also possible that a bit of geographic license was taken to "match" Styoooit, but a bit more browsing of parodies and comments should draw a pretty good circle. (-jerk, in the case of Jimmie Hendrix, a native of Melb'n, FL)

Have had lots of complaints about footnotes since this one was posted 6 yrs ago, which was only 2 1/2 months after arriving here. My response has always been what you said. For some reason, some people feel offended or condescended. A more positive POV: Old Man Ribber prides himself in how many refs he gets correctly before reading the f/n. :)

Truth: Like Merry, I often like to write about, or pun with reference to, the obscure, arcane, scientific, legal, medical, mathematical (oh no, next plug coming), etc. A lot probably would be missed by many readers. I'd rather help them enjoy the song, even if risking the wrath of the all-knowing who object, who presumably assume that other readers know it all, too. xD

Math 101 (neither of you commented on these, not that there is/was an obligation):

Binary and hexadecimal humor:

p. s.: txt msg n twit hv md attn spns shrtr 2 u no
Peregrin - August 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Jimmie? Jimmie? At the risk of you correcting me with a technicality, was his name not Jimi? Originally Johnnie Allen? Finding a TT error makes me feel like Charlie Bucket finding a golden ticket! I await your response with terror...

I shall check out your other links in dEWE course
Tomi Turtle - August 11, 2012 - Report this comment
Never cared for Hendrix, never paid attention to him other than reading of the arrest for public indecency on stage, couldn't be bothered to check the name -- yes, inaccuracy from this corner is indeed the ultimate insult of "don't give a rat's rear". Enjoy your golden ticket!
  Who is Charlie Bucket?
Peregrin - August 12, 2012 - Report this comment
LOL @ "Tomi", nice touch. Charlie Bucket was the 'good' kid in Willie Wonker and the Chocolate Factory (the classic Gene Wilder version, not the tedious Johnny Depp remake) who got the last golden ticket.

For a perspective on my comment which I assume you had already deduced: Golden Ticket - extremely rare...
TT @ Peregrin - August 12, 2012 - Report this comment
"For a perspective on my comment which I assume you had already deduced: Golden Ticket - extremely rare..."

How would one deduce it if one had never seen the movie (either version)?

Living mostly undersea, and generally avoiding homo unsapiens as much as possible, a lot of cultural refs do fly overhead. Never saw "Mary Poppins" or "Sound of Music", although that hasn't prevented parodying of "Fave Things", "Do-Re-Mi", and of course, "Supercal", -- although got ripped for DRM, which was a trib to PMS, as "too short'". Not having seen the movie, foolishly relied on a txscript by the US Gov Nat'l Inst. of Health. Don't ask me why our tax dollars and that dept. do song txscripts, but it's just more proof that you can't trust the Gov ...
    First couple of "Supercals" erred in doing the verses as 7/7 vs. 8/6, which was corrected by Red Ant and Kristof, back in the days when writers actually appreciated constructive criticism (sigh). Didn't start adding the Dick/Julie dialog until saw others doing it.

Thanks again for the comments, and I'm sure each of us could name movies the other hasn't seen -- but let's not. ;-D
Peregrin - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
How would one deduce? I don't know. I had simply ass-ewe-med (groan, here we go again)

Anyone who hasn't seen Sound Of Music goes up in my estimate. "Carol Brady takes a holiday in the Alps".
Tommy Turtle - August 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: "not seen TSOM" -- Most awesome compliment ever! Thank you, good Sir! x-D ... and here everyone else thinks TT is a cultural moron (true enough).

"Sound of Music" got ripped pretty well by the extended commentary at TT's BBTL parody, "Bind and Tie Her Tight", even though the parody didn't ref it. The comments just kept flowing in all directions. ;) ... Merry may enjoy that one, given her previously-expressed sentiments in the opposite direction (F/m vs. parody's M/f POV.
Peregrin - August 15, 2012 - Report this comment
"Merry may enjoy that one, given her previously-expressed sentiments in the opposite direction (F/m vs. parody's M/f POV. " Eh? Have I missed something?
Tommy Turtle @ Peregrin - August 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Why, I believe you have!
Peregrin - August 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Hmmm! Dungeon-girl strikes again!
Tommy Turtle - August 15, 2012 - Report this comment
"Strikes"? heh heh

So, you've seen the dungeon? Please e-mail photos, with guarantee that they will *not* be posted on the Web or otherwise shared. .... Naturally, please include the Dungeon-Mistress, in full costume, of course! ;-D

The F/m one:
Patrick - November 02, 2012 - Report this comment
Parbellum was the telegraph address of the Deutsche Waffen und Munitionsfabrik, the company that originally built the pistol designed by Georg Luger. Back in the olden time, large companies had their own telegraph addresses, similar to their website or email addresses today. Sixth and seventh lines from the end are a rhyming dictionary all their own.
Tommy Turtle - November 03, 2012 - Report this comment
Patrick, thanks for the interesting tidbits. But I'd sure hate to have to telegraph the Morse code for "http colon slash slash www dot amiright dot com" just to send a message to ChuckyG. (kidding!) Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.

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