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Song Parodies -> "Tijuana, Know A Secret"

Original Song Title:

"Do You Want To Know A Secret?"

Original Performer:

The Beatles

Parody Song Title:

"Tijuana, Know A Secret"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Like so many others in life and on screen, the author fondly recalls losing his innocence in a Mexican guesthouse.
You'll never know how much it really costs you
You'll never know until you really dare....

("Hey, there, you!")
Tijuana, know a secret?
(Do I screw?)
"Do you promise not to smell?"
Whoa, oh, oh

(Urge, pursue)
"Fifty pesos, pardner, here...
(Join the queue)
"Or go stick it in your ear
"Twenty bucks'll do..."
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

(Ache, accrue)
Tijuana took my secret
(Sex, ensue)
Tales the Turtle's got to tell
Whoa, oh, oh

(Newb, no clue)
Seňorita Puta*, dear
(Who, me woo?)
Stands by street with lurid leer
Nooky: to me, new!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

I've had this discharge for a week or two
Where it came from -- can't guess who!

(Ooh, I rue)
Tijuana made me secrete
(This ain't flu)
Made my privates drip and swell,
Oo -- oo -- oo -- ooze

Dose her!
(And me, too)
Doc, I need a shot, I fear
(Syph: imbue)
Penicillin in the rear
Caught V. D. from you!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

*Polite translation: "prostitute". © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   2
 3   0
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Paree Dee - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
STD (Spectacular Tommy Ditty !) to my favorite parodist. What a hoot. I 'specially loved the parenthetics inserted where the Beatles only did "woo-oo-oo." Scares me to say that you outdid even them. 5cc, 5cc 5cc, 3 times a day, 8 days this week...
Stephen Harrington - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Never heard the original song(as far as I can remember), but this is pretty ammusing nevertheless.
John Barry - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Muy entretenido, señor. Cincos de me-o.
alvin rhodes - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
donde esta la casa del gato, por favor ?...parodia primo
AFW - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Going, going, ghonorrea......this deserves a, applause
TT - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Paree Dee, thanks, love increased challenge, e.g. subbing real lyrics for "fa-la-las" in TT "Buddy Holly" tribute.
Step-chan (is that your approved nick? - seen it here), thanks, hard to have avoided it at the time or for a decade after...John Barry, el gusto es mio, y gracias...
alvin, thanks; go south on I-5 past San Diego and San Ysidro; then stop at the first "red light" you see, or at any of the next 3000 of them lol.
AFW, thanks,lol. :) ... funny and punny comments, everyone, thanks!
Stuart McArthur - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
I had the worst taco I've ever eaten in Tijuana (interpret that as you will) - funny stuff, TT - 555
Rick C - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Funny one, TT. 555
TT - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart McArthur (lol), Rick C, thanks.
Larry Hensley - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
This should be on Mexican radio. 555's
Tijuana Turtle - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Larry, thanks... As an advertisement, or as a warning? lol
Dee Range - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Great stuff, TT. Really liked the Closer/Poser/Dose her rhyme scheme. My take on the STD situation can be found here: Thanks again for the info, brother. Take care.
TT - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Dee Range, thank you, and you're welcome... I saw your STD/Supercal when prepping my own Supercals; will give it the look it deserves when the time it deserves is available.
Would you or your sister be offended if I were to post a song of encouragement to you both?
TJC - May 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Watson! Another gem I've uncovered years late! And this one's literally drippin' n' oozing with hifalutin' lowbrow comedy... tricky phrasing abounds n' hounds... it's veritable ZOUNDS@STD.schlong, Sherlock!
Tommy Turtle - May 21, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Can you hook me up with Mary Jane Watson, and give me a sure-lock on her? .... oh, you weren't referring to *that* Watson... well, thanks for v/c, and watch out that the spambots don't harvest that e-mail!
LadyNorCAL - May 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Loved this title, Senor TaTa . Have a fun weekend, sir !
Seňor TaTa - May 22, 2009 - Report this comment
LadyNorCAL: Thank you so much, Seňorita del Norte de California! Stay away from those SoCAL quakes and fires, and have a great fin de semana tambien, dama!
Peregrin - September 09, 2012 - Report this comment
5s for the parody. More 5s for the combination of "fondly recalls losing his innocence" and "Tijuana made me secrete...Made my privates drip and swell"

Replacment following line: "Woah! Woah! WOAH! No Sir!"
Tommy Turtle - September 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Peregrin: It was already too late ... ;) Thanks for choosing the author's fave line also, the switch on "secret".

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