Poster at the grad student union
Saying that I can make a few bucks
Some scientist guy
Says
He'll make me get high
"Why not," I said, "I'll do it just for the yucks!"

Price is low, it's a freebie --
-- when smoking "scientist-weed"
They'll pay me for smoking?
They're gonna stupefy me!

Then they gave my brain awesome hashish
Hookah-toking brown clouds again
Eatin' brownies all day
Then they gave me cocaine
And said to snort that snow up into my brain

White's the blow, now I'm sneezy
Blew nose so hard I can't breathe
They pay me for stoning
They're gonna stupefy me!

Drove some hashish into my cerebellum
Cocaine in my head for a week
The researchers said,
"Say, want some Ecstasy, Jed?"
I said, "Sure, I'm a bone-head Ecstasy freak!"

"I'M IN LOVE WITH A ZEBRA" --
-- my brain said on Ec-sta-sy
They pay me for moaning
They're gonna stupefy me!

Science sure sounds funny to a stoner's ears
Getting all his dope injected free
The lab-coat-guy said,
"We're filling your head,
with every kind of dope our minds can find! Yes!"

Drank white-lightning-drip from a bota
Eating chocolate cakes full of drugs
The scientist said,
"It's gone to his head,
he looks just like a booze-oozing pug!"

I said, "Whoa, it ain't easy,
to get me drunk an' wacky!"
But hey, my brain's going --
-- they're gonna stupefy me!

Now my whirling brain's back for more fun
Fifteen-hundred microgram tab
I dropped it at ten,
And,
By seven A. M.,
God said, "Let's play some cards in the lab!"

"LIGHT-NING BOLTS MADE OF CHEEZ WHIZ" --
-- my brain said on L-S-D
My brain-waves are slowing
They're gonna stupefy me!

My brain-waves are slowing
They're gonna stupefy me!

My brain is exploding
They've gone and stupefied me!