For the autograph of Captain Kirk
Not one geeky nerd will shirk his chance to glean

A signature from William Shat'
Though he may be bald as that guy "Mister Clean"

Shatner rarely makes appearances
At Trek Conventions 'cause he's such a big "star"

'less they pay William way more than he is worth!

( brief instrumental )

The line is long and full of jerks
All eager to get Captain Kirk's "John Hancock" there

No girlfriends will there be in sight
On this extremely nerdly night - not one dares!

Shatner's awesome hair-piece guarantees
That not one skin cell on his skull sees the sun

And his gut's, held in by struts, made of steel rods!

( brief instrumental )

So one by one the lonely guys
Queue-up and gaze into the eyes of James T. Kirk

In awe the nerds walk up, and then,
Bow down as Shatner's fountain pen performs its work

But the skillful actor George Takei
Who once played Mr. Sulu won't grace the hall

'cause he can't stand the sight of Shatner-The-Bill !