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Song Parodies -> "Anaconda"

Original Song Title:

"Help Me, Rhonda"

Original Performer:

The Beach Boys

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I've had this in the back of my head ever since the Hobbits did "There's a Spiral Crush."
Well something's coiling 'round
From my feet up to my head
Woke up in the night
And had a visitor in my bed

Don't feel like I have much time
(Have much time)
And I know you hate it when I whine
But there's an Anaconda
Try'ta squeeze the life from my heart

An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
Anaconda, yeah
Can't get my arms apart

If you wanna save my life
Just get here as quick as you can
Please don't bother asking why
The door was open in the Ama-zan

I think he just licked my eye
(Licked my eye)
Has anybody seen our tour guide, Guy?
I've got an Anaconda
Ruining my shirt from K-mart

An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
Anaconda, yeah
Wish this snake'd depart

An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
An Anaconda
Anaconda, yeah
Squeezing's starting to smart

(repeat to fade)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

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Paul Robinson - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
This was great, Arwen! 5's ~ ~ ~ seem to have had a lot of strange creatures greet you when you wake up...No...I'm not implying THAT...I mean bugs...spiders and such...I recall another parody where you had to smoosh something or other before he took up residence in your ear or some other part of your person...and now a giant snake...hmmm...ever have any weird dreams?
Arwen - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I do have a long history of critter related're right, Paul. I "Smooshed a Big Spider" once, while innocently trying to turn my alarm clock off. And, as you mentioned, I found out, when exposing my ear to the open summer air, that "That's Where a Cricket Will Hide." I have yet to write about the time where I woke up one morning to 168 mosquito bites. Yes, I counted them.

Thanks for bringing back some great memories, Mr. Robinson...=)

And as far as dreams go...I don't think I'd be qualified to write about the weirdness of the dreams I have...they are far too strange. I might have to leave it to one of our surreal writers...=)
alvin rhodes - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
poor thing...all the men wasn't bad you're being stalked by REPTILES....5s for this lovely ditty
Kristof Robertson - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Loved what you did with the verses! Only kidding, this was fun...did you pick up the Anaconda when you were working to pay back the zoo? 555
Paul Robinson - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen...well - better your ear than you rear...
Rex - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
This works metaphorically too (or did you intend that)?
John Jenkins - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Very good parody, but it has to be fiction. If Guy were your tour guide, he'd take good care of you, and I don't think you own a shirt from K-Mart.
Michael Pacholek - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I think that what Arwen's trying to say is that I'm a cold-hearted... ssssssssnake!
AFW - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
good fit to the original...clever idea....squeezes some fives for ya'
2nz - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I can't remember the beginning of the song for the life of me, but 'Anaconda' fits in real nice and wouldn't ya know it, that's most of the song right there. Clever stuff, Arwen. 5s and thanks for stayin' sexy all these years.
Arwen - May 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Alvin...hehe. You're right...everyone think's it's all dinner parties and diamond rings when you are the Divine Goddess of the Brave New World...but yes...sometimes, there are giant, Goddess eating snakes at those dinner parties. Nobody should have to deal with that...; ) Thanks...

Kristof...=) Thanks, but I don't know where he came from, he was there when I woke up. And, YES...I'm talking about the snake... arguments here...=)

Rex...hmmm...I am tempted to say that yes, I did mean it I am always looking for new ways to describe the unworthy men that tend to court me...; ) However...I have to admit that I was NOT being that clever...=) Thanks, anyway...

John...I was waiting for someone to bring up the Guy being my tour guide bit...nice job. And congratulations on your astute observation about my fashion sense. Of course if I am ever REALLY attacked by 20 foot, life crushing reptile, I'm certainly going to be wearing Prada...=)

Michael...I think I've been a bad influence on you. It used to be ME that was finding personal meaning to every parody that I read on the site, and you were quick to keep my overblown ego in check. Now, it seems, we are evolving into a Super Egomaniacal Duo...which I can live with. But you still haven't admitted that I was right about the Ramones...=)

AFW...thanks a bunch! know, I was kind of annoyed when I actually laid the song down in Notebook, and realized how little I would actually have to work with. I tried to think of clever ways to change the chorus (other than the last lines, which I did) but failed and finally gave up. So...thanks. And as for maintaining my know I only live to please, mister...=) Now, go get yourself a Beach Boys CD so you can appreciate this for the brilliance that it truly is...; )
Stuart McArthur - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Convenient taht the tour guy's name was "Guy" - or is this fictional? - another bizarrely amusing Arwenian gem - 555
Jeff Reuben - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun! Whoop-BSSH!" Oh, sorry, wrong song.
Arwen - May 18, 2005 - Report this comment John Jenkins pointed out, it's clearly I'd ever shop at Kmart...; )

Ashkicksass - May 20, 2005 - Report this comment
First off, the phrase "An Anaconda" made me do the LS. And the shirt from KMart? Flippin SWEET! That made me full on LOL! Soooooooooooo FANTASTIC, my darling! You should seriously write more of these parody things. I think you're really getting good at it. And I'd like to second that LOL to Mr. Reuben.
Arwen - May 20, 2005 - Report this comment
I love Love LOVE that you're here, Ash!! This is seriously making my WHOLE day!!
Johnny D - May 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job, Arwen, super pacing and rhyme. A friend of mine is an amateur herpetologist, and keeps a collection of live snakes and lizards in his home, along with some scorpions and tarantulas (this dude is a scientist who's probably about to be made an associate professor). He's let me hold one of his biggest snakes in my hands --- some kind of boa or python --- must've been 3 or 4 feet long. Felt like I was holding a big, warm, heavy, scaly muscle...weird, very weird. Fortunately, that snake was very docile and accustomed to being handled by humans!
Arwen - May 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Johnny. To be honest, snakes don't really bother me. I mean...I've clearly not been nearly crushed to death by one...which might change my mind a bit...but spiders and insects freak me out WAY more than snakes do.
Leo Jay - June 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Fantastic! Don't know how I missed this before. This was really inspired by that stupid Ice Cube film, wasn't it?
Arwen - June 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Leo...don't be was inspired by "Anacondas: The Search for the Blood Orchid." (or something like that), the sequel to that stupid Ice Cube film.

Rex - May 25, 2013 - Report this comment
[Commercial ON] Are you short and wide but want to be tall and thin? Come down to Anaconda labs, where we have an all-natural method of reshaping your body! (Side effects may include turning blue, eyeballs popping out, and death) [Commercial OFF] Funny story again the second time around.
Matthias - May 26, 2013 - Report this comment
Snakes alive! This was a great parody!!!
bobpiecheese - June 02, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) The choruses were a bit repetitive, but this was still enjoyable. 555!
Max Power - June 03, 2013 - Report this comment
They can be a real squeeze. Also it led to that crappy film where Voight breaks Wuher's neck.
Blaydeman - June 03, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Snake in a Bed... the prequel to Snakes on a Plane. LOL! Unique topic, and a lot of fun.
Jeff Reuben - June 04, 2013 - Report this comment
This song snaked its way into my heart years ago. Cool to see all these TOTTM people in the comments.
Arwen - June 04, 2013 - Report this comment
8 years later, I'd like to think my skills have improved since this one...but thanks to all for your kind words for this oldie!

Rex...LOL! I think you've got a killer idea there!

Matty... :) Thanks, Buddy!

BPC...Truth! Not sure what I'd do differently now...or that I could do something differently...with this particular OS...but these days I really do like to vary I totally agree!

Max...I feel like I should know the crappy film of which you speak. Gonna have to google after this...

Blaydeman...Hahaha...hadn't thought of that! Nice...and thanks!

Jefferoo...I think reading old comments is one of my favorite things of all time. We had so much fun back in the day! Getting a little misty over here.... ;)
Agrimorfee - June 04, 2013 - Report this comment
Time has not been kind to this one, I think. Definitely the repetitive chorus was the factor here. But there's only so much one can do with that sound-pattern,

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