(instrumental opening)

Oh, the streets of Rome are filled with tourists.
Alien footprints are everywhere.
You can almost think, they're right, those purists
who think traditional marriage should be spared.

God only knows what's back at their hotel room
where she's got her a date with a guy whose sanity's ceased.
So promise you'll say something to stop him
or forever hold your peace!

They're lions in the Colosseum
all the tabloid journalists who waste their time.
Poor Katie in this bungle, she can hardly stand to see 'em.
And soon, again, she'll have to face Tom's climb.

Suri baby-sat by John Travolta and Kirstie Alley.
Isaac Hayes to preside over ceremonies.
Someday, she'll need more than Scientology.
Or forever hold your peace.

Sail around the world in a leaky gondola.
Did she turn to Tom for his big spondola?

Well, they left Rome, and they headed for Saturn
on a spaceflight so bumpy Kate and Suri both cried.
This is how it'll be, in a never-ending pattern.
Cruise's head, Miss Holmes, you should have looked inside.

Federline got kicked to the curb by Britney.
So there's hope to end these spaced-out tragedies.
Someday, Katie will marry a good man
and no one will have to hold their peace.

Someday, Katie will marry a good man
and no one will have to hold their peace.