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Song Parodies -> "My Girlfriend's Wack"

Original Song Title:

"My Boyfriend's Back"

Original Performer:

The Angels

Parody Song Title:

"My Girlfriend's Wack"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Spin-off of yesterday's "My Boyfriend's Black" ... OS video here.

I needed play, and she would propound
To ravage me every night
But when I fin'lly found out the truth:
Savage thing, that filled me full of fright

My girlfriend's wack; ev'ry time I feel like matin'
(Uh-oh, no go; why: love life lacked?)
She tells *me*, "No comin'; first, I gotta worship Satan"
(Flames glow; sick show; she's warped and cracked)
She is so untrue, she cheats and tells lies
(Too close: Glenn Close, in "Fatal 'Tract' ")
A brain as "Wright" as the Rev'rend Jeremi'h's
(Duck low; look out for flying flak)

Me: I want a little lickin'
She: a ritual called Wiccan

She's been pierced in such a weird place
(Egad! Right *there*, they stuck a tack?)
If she gave birth, 'twould scratch the kid's face
(De-formed, and formed from magic, black)
So sad of a story, I was never warned
("Hey dude, get off; you're on wrong track")
'Cause I kinda' think: wasn't born, but spawned
(Cross-breed from seed of cow and yak?)

Can't ... write off as "just a bimbo"
'Bout ... "together" as Rush "Limbough"
What? Try to "think"? Her head's full of French fries
Such a small mind - wow, it's about Mel Gibson's size
IQ: 3!

Sense, common: lack; she don't know where TF she's goin'
(Somehow, I think her doc's a quack)
A cross between, say, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan
(Does her exams: his van, in back)

Ehhh, she's high on crack
Get out now! I oughta' pack!

I should leave? She'd haunt me
And nobody else would want me
(Alone, then; oh, no, woe, don't go)
So, I come back
Man, she's dumb enough for two
(Got her thumb in her wazoo)

[hope nightmare fades, but it doesn't ... just gets worse ... and worse...]

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

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Mel Limbaugh - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Right on Brother! I hear you and appreciate your truly 'wacky' take on this gem of an OS; fave lines the Wiccan/licken n' Limbough/bimbo, though, in all honesty, the whole thing was perfectly (de)formed!
Patrick - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Had a lady friend who joined the Gnostics, a cult I soon came to call the "Gno-sex". A mix of spurious gospels, Hindu mysticism, Inuit legends, with a bit of ancient Egyptology and probably Harry Potter. Most cults have web sites for disgruntled ex-members (Mormons, Herbert Armstrong, etc) but the Gnostics have either found paradise or they've covered their tracks well since I can find nothing much about them on the net. The Pope has the Vatican, The Archbishop of Canterbury has Westminster Abby, Robert Schuler presides over a Crystal Cathedral. The Gnostics have a tiny office next to an insurance company in a strip mall in Independence, Missouri. I'm not impressed.
Old Man Ribber - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Splendid! If she were mine, I've have to get a a mallet and play Wack-A-Troll! ;D
AFW - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
I can relate...very descriptiveRN
AFW - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
That RN doesn't was part of the security code...typed there by error.
BabyRuth - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
"If she gave birth, 'twould scratch the kid's face"
BabyRuth - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
"If she gave birth, 'twould scratch the kid's face" Ha!! Awesome!
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Mel Limbaugh: Quit bothering me, you b* --- oh, wait, you v/c'd *favorably*. Hey, thanks! :)

Patrick: I didn't even know Missouri allowed strip clubs at all, much less an entire mall full of them! Cool! :-D .. actually, aren't those with the mansions supposed to be helping the poor, healing the sick, etc., instead of spending bazillions on palaces? ... Just askin' .... thanks for v/c.

Old Man Ribber: If she were yours -- I'd be the happiest guy on Earth! ;) .. thanks for v/c.

AFW: You had a nurse like that? How did you ever make it out of the hospital? Scary....

AFW The Movie: Oh ... darn, thought that was a pretty good reply. Still, if you can relate, my sympathy!

Baby Ruth and Baby Ruth The Sequel: Glad ya liked it! Thanks!
Ann Hammond - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Ann Hammond: Nothing like an Ann Hammond hehe to brighten up the page! :-)
Cy Ko - August 05, 2010 - Report this comment
$555 for couples therapy sessions. :)
Patrick - August 05, 2010 - Report this comment
In Missouri they are called "Gentlemen's Club". Though someone who stays up all night getting drunk and stuffing money in the g-strings of strange women who secretly regard him as a fool doesn't quite meet my definition of a "gentleman".
Tommy Turtle - August 05, 2010 - Report this comment
Cy Ko: Thanks, but do you mind if I use it to fly as far away from her as I can get? :) ... thanks for v/c.

Patrick: I agree completely that that's a highly-stretched ewephemism. ;) Used in Turtleville,, too, and as for your opinion of said "gentlemen", they were pretty thoroughly trashed in one that you've already very kindly v/c'd:
Thanks for dropping by again.
Mark Scotti - August 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Hellishly wonderful. This date may cost you $666, so here's $555 toward it....
Tommy Turtle - August 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Ultra-clever working in 666! GREAT comment - thanks, Mark!

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