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Song Parodies -> "Born To Be Styled (John Edwards)"

Original Song Title:

"Born To Be Wild"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Born To Be Styled (John Edwards)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The news that Edwards' campaign was paying for his $400 haircuts gave this a good run on the airwaves until Edwards dropped out of the race; then it was miraculously resuscitated when he "popped up" (so to speak) as the father of a child by an affair. Thanks, John! ...As previously mentioned, for radio, short = good, and they're not fussy about repeating choruses as we are here. And this is the *last* of the Pro lyrics I can release for a while (readers heave sigh of relief).

Get your scissors cuttin'
Mousse is comin' my way
Lookin' for a face peel
And I'll have my campaign pay
Yeah Johhny, go make it happen
Show the world such a lovely face
Smile all of your gums at once
Let the wrinkles erase

I like cut and blow-dry
Shampoo and condition
Stylin' with a wand
I'm the cutest politician
Yeah Johhny, go make it happen
Show the world such a lovely face
Smile all of your gums at once
Let the wrinkles erase

I'm a cute Mama's child
I was born, born to be styled
Tease my hair so high
I'm such a cutie-pie

Born to be styled
Born to be styled...

(ad lib repeat and fade away from politics; console yourself by fathering illicit children.)

Yeah, it's a kick having your stuff commercially produced and aired, but with the limits on length and dumbing down to average listener IQ (no wildly-stretched puns or obscure refs), it's actually more fun having them AIR-ed. © 2008 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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McKludge - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
AmIRighters are smarter than your average listener? With a lot of the submissions I've read lately, I'm not so sure anymore. But this one is good.
alvin - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
the contrast between this and the original lyrics cracks me up
Timmy1000 - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
A little outdated newswise but a good parody.
Ann Hammond - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
I like
Tommy Turtle - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
McKludge: Well, a few of them are, anyway, and we can choose to write to that few :-) thanks McK.
alvin: ...and the biker/Edwards image is quite a contrast too, no? :) thanks alvin.
Timmy1000: I wasn't allowed to post these while they were being played on the radio, as the stations who download them are guaranteed exclusive use by the producer. With the elections over (finally!), they became obsolete, and I was permitted to post them. Some of my others have been posted over the past couple of months. Thanks for v/c.
Ann Hammond, I thank.
AFW - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice clippin on John, here.
John Jenkins - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
I like your cutting edge humor. Parodists might miss John Edwards, but I don't think that voters will.
Tommy Turtle - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW (lol), thanks.
John Jenkins (lol^2), thanks... agree on both counts.
2Eagle - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
Nice updating - bikers to yuppies.
TT - January 27, 2009 - Report this comment
LOL -- thanks 2Eagle.
MadameDeTokerVille - January 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Ohhh. . . . what would we NorCAL tokers do, without those ~Biker Boys~ ! eh, sir ?
Tommy Turtle - January 28, 2009 - Report this comment
MadameDeTokerVille: I guess you'd have to settle for parody writers! Thanks for v/c, MDTV.
Glen S - April 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Yeah, now that you mention it... well written parody. Especially liked the sub: 'Smile all of your gums at once'
Tommy Turtle - April 16, 2009 - Report this comment
Glen S., thanks much.
Leo Keough - March 13, 2012 - Report this comment
After listening to the excellent video you had produced for this, I felt obliged to v/c, even though I'm way late to the party....555!!!...It's too bad you couldn't have had this produced as a music video, as well...I can just visualize pretty boy John rolling into a styling salon on an Easy Rider bike to have his styling done.
Tommy Turtle - March 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Leo Keough: LOL at the image of JE biking into the salon!!! ... brings back memories of Al Whatshisname riding a motorcycle onto a stage to try to "get down" with the college crowd.

Someone- JibJab I think; search the Web for it -- did some Internet videos mocking both the GW Bush ticket and the Kerry/Edwards ticket. The latter had Edwards in red bikini underwear, which was a ROFL moment - talk about "pretty boy" ;-D

Please don't apologize -- in TT's book, it's *never* too late to v/c. I still get hits on songs from 2006 (first year here), and appreciate atl. Thanks for taking time to read//v/c.
Patrick - October 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Just saw an ad for Spielberg's "Lincoln" movie. Can you imagine what the make-up and hair styling people would have to do to make him look "presentable" for today's TV audience? According to legend, a little girl told Lincoln he would look better with a beard, so he complied. Maybe that's where this whole theme started. I still get hits on my stuff years after, and they can't all just be me going back to admire my poetry. But after the first two days, I almost never get a comment.
Tommy Turtle - October 31, 2012 - Report this comment
One would hope that they'd make up the actor to look as Lincoln actually did. I had heard that story, too -- it may be true.
  I get comments because nice readers like you leave them. :) Thanks for the read and comment.
Patrick - October 31, 2012 - Report this comment
From what I've seen of the ads, Daniel Day Lewis looks exactly like the photos of Lincoln I have seen. Spielberg is a stickler for detail. Lincoln missed the era of sound recordings. I recall reading about one actor who played the role who went to southern Indiana and listened to older people to get the pre-television accent and speech pattern. Lincoln was not the first president to sit for his picture, but he was the first to be photographed over an extended time frame and in a number of settings. If he is the man I've seen in the Gettysburg photo, it appears he may have had a bald spot on the top of his head, near the back. There are enough photos of Lincoln that you can see him visibly age over a relatively short time. Very stressful job and some truly trying times that he would have gladly swapped for what we're facing. Looking forward to this movie.
Tommy Turtle - November 01, 2012 - Report this comment
I think the stress of office has aged Obama, too. He had solid black hair just a few years ago, and has gone noticeably and rapidly gray. Also, less perk in his voice and step vs. the energetic, charismatic campaigner in 2008. It's a tough job for anyone, but yes, the Civil War was probably the toughest time of all.

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