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Song Parodies -> "The Ballad Of The Queer Eye Five"

Original Song Title:

"The Ballad Of The Green Berets"

Original Performer:

SSGT Barry Sadler

Parody Song Title:

"The Ballad Of The Queer Eye Five"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

"The Ballad Of The Green Berets", by SSGT Barry Sadler, has attained the status of a secular hymn. I personally share Barry Sadler's genuine sentiment towards the Green Berets - I may not always agree with the politicians who set military policy, but I always, without fail, support every American who risks their life in our Armed Forces to protect my way of life. All that said....."The Ballad Of The Green Berets", as a piece of music, has a marvelous marching-beat rhythm that lends itself readily to parody......so here is a parody not of the subject matter of "The Ballad Of The Green Berets", but of a recent phenomenon of American pop-culture: the Bravo network's straight-guy-makeover show called "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". I am just poking some good-natured fun at "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" here - it's a funny, funny show!
Bravo's got - a new hit show
It's real hot - the ratings show
It's got men - who have no wives
Those gay men - are The Queer Eye Five

Carson, he - knows fashion best
Helps straight men - to dress their best
Clothes and shoes - are Carson's thing
Turns straight guys - into sharp-dressed kings

Then there's Jai - the culture queen
Helps straight men - to make the scene
Act, sing, dance - Jai's talent set
He's what's called - A "triple threat"

Kyan knows - how to groom well
Helps straight men - look really swell
Teeth, hair, skin - Kyan will say
Should look great - whether straight or gay

Thom's the one - who decorates
Helps straight men - make home look great
Watch him work - you'll watch with awe
Turns a dump - into Shangri-La

Ted's the guy - for food and wine
Helps straight men - when girls come dine
A Pinot Noir - goes well with beef
Ted's food smarts - are beyond belief

Five gay men - who help straight guys
Five gay men - so cool and wise
Five gay men - who have no wives
Those gay men - are The Queer Eye Five
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.6
Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   6
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack Wilson - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job! Three Fab Five's LOL
Adagio - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! Weird! 5's
Guy - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Very well done JD. Man, the things you think of. Very original and extremely well done. But who writes this stuff? (The show, not the parody).
Johnny D - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Jack, Adagio, and Guy.

Guy - that's a good question, I don't know who writes or produces this Bravo Network "makeover show". Occasionally NBC airs "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" on regular broadcast TV. My wife and I love it - we think it's hysterically funny!

Here's a link to the "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" website:

http://www.bravotv.com/Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy/
Eye1 - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey, do you have to be single for the QE5 to come over to do their make total makeover on you?. I mean, I'm married, my house is the pits. I have the same wardrobe now for 25 years, I eat pizza 3 days a week, the last play I saw was in the 5th grade and, I look like Elvis! Not really, but seems like to could have a real tough assignment with some of us married slobs. BTW..great tune---5's Eye1
Johnny D - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Hi Eye1 - hmmm, good question, so far I think those "Five Fairy Godfathers" have worked their magic only for single straight guys. Maybe you should write 'em an email !

Thanks, Eye1 - but did your vote register? The vote count didn't change - might want to double-check, thanks!
MIchael Pacholek - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
All fives. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Johnny D - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Michael - nothing wrong with that at all.
Claude Prez - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Way to spruce up that lackluster song mister
Johnny D - January 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you CP !
Mari D - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
What a combo! Whatever made you think to put this song and that show together? I'd love to hear this one done by Barry Sadler, as the credits roll!
Rick D - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know the show , Bro, but you grow even when you blow Moe's toe slow ....sorry, it's late 555
Johnny D - January 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Mari D and Rick D !
Gordie - February 17, 2011 - Report this comment
funny and not especially untrue.

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