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Song Parodies -> "Ralphie's Song (or Nothing But Schlock)"

Original Song Title:

"I Am A Rock"

Original Performer:

Simon & Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"Ralphie's Song (or Nothing But Schlock)"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

So ... a pair of rocks honored Hallowe'en. Time to move on ... :-)
A winter’s day
a week before year-ender …
I’m not alone --
rushing from our bedroom
Randy and I go
to see what Santa Claus has left below.
I’m taking stock …
Where is what I want?

I see balls
and toy trucks … God Almighty!
I no more can venerate
that flabby speeedin’ shmendrick at the reindeer reins
his humbug ho-ho-hoing I disdain!
Nothing but shlock!
Where is what I want?

Groan! Socks and gloves --
How absurd! For nerds! A snore!
I am weeping. A grim morn’ for me
is growing ever glummer, a feeling I can’t hide.
All I ever wanted f’r’ever I’m denied.
This a crock!
Where is what I want?

I am a schnook!
For, y’know, dad’s desk I’ve not checked, see?
Is concealed a firearm there?
Red Ryder (or a broom?!?) waits in long box I assume.
The rush of hope is much too much for me …
I am in shock!
There is what I want!

For one box still remains
and what I want is inside!
© Stan Hall 11/10/2008

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

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Guy - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Red Ryder - Hmmm - Best keep an eye out, Stan. I knew this was gunna be a good one. Loved that movie - I think it hit home with every kid that came up through the 60's. I saw myself in quite a few scenes. Fine job here and I'm gearing up for Christmas songs. Love this time of the year. Love this parody.
alvin - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
my favorite christmas movie...nicely done
John Barry - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
You're in the spirit early.
Melanie Lee - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Hmm...this must be the song of the moment! Cute parody, though some of your pacing is off (missing syllable here, extra words there). On to the next holiday, eh? Colt .455 and you'll put your eye out! BTW, Guy, wasn't the story set in the late 1940's? (Wikipedia says it's set in 1939 or 1940.)
Andy Primus - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Good parody but toooooooooo early. I live in a small town in England where the council has already put up the High Street decorations & all the shops are in full Christmas mode. Every year it gets earlier & earlier. Last year by the time Christmas day came round most people I know were sick of it all. I'm curious to know if you have the same problem in the States (I'm presuming that you are American)
AFW - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
The house used in this movie is in Cleveland, and heard a few years back, someone bought it and was charging for tours there....good job on this
2Eagle - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
At least this wasn't a crappy commercial - 5's.
Agrimorfee - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
It's NEVER too early for a Christmas-themed parody, especially when it concerns this movie. (Shameless self promo on the same subject: ). 555 bbs for yer ammo, Ranger!
Peregrin - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Good one Stan! Merry early Christmas :)

Andy P, for what it's worth, the problem you describe certainly exists in Australia.
Stan - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone!
Guy - ditto re seeing my own (1950s) kidhood in countless ACS scenes despite its having occurred almost a dedcade after Ralphie's.
Alvin - ACS is an XMAS favorite of mine, too, along with "Diner," which I count as an Xmas movie even if only tangentially Xmas-themed. :-) Melanie - You're right re pacing, particularly when the parody's read rather than sung. This OS's many "glissades" amply augments the flexibility extant in almost all songs' lyrics as sung--enough, anyway, to accomodate most or all of my "cheats" here. :-)
Stan - November 11, 2008 - Report this comment
Andy P. -- retail Xmas earlier than I'd like here as well. What really irked me was when a few years ago the local classical music radio station played nothing but Xmas-related stuff from Thanksgiving thru' New Years. The worst of it was endless re-plays of "classicalized" renditions of seasonal music, both sacred and secular that soured me on all of it for a full year to come. I must not have been the only complainer about it as they've not repeated that idiocy since. :-)

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