My pants fit snugly
larger size I think I need
Mass of quivering fat
This is lousy I concede
Damn, it bites to be so fat, man
late at night I hear hog calls
Well, perhaps I need a muzzle
I can't fit in toilet stalls

Man, this really bites, I swear
Derriere's too big; that's screwed
I guess I've been overfed
guess I should put down my spoon
On scale I'm appalled at what my eyes do see
I'm fatter than my wife, and she weighs two-forty-three

Now I'm moaning at my girth
It sure stinks I must confess
Way too fat, now it seems; maybe I should try some meth
All this fat makes me crazed
Folks laugh when I walk by
Man, this fatness makes me bonkers
A diet I may try

(Instrumental)

"He's sure fat", I hear folks say
at the mall, that ain't too swell
Think it's shitty and I should
tell them all to go to hell
Was this guy at work named "Jim"
made a fat joke; him I told
"Hey guy, best watch your manners
or I'll whack you with this pole"

(brief instrumental to end)