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Song Parodies -> "I'm Throwing Rocks"

Original Song Title:

"I Am A Rock"

Original Performer:

Simon & Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"I'm Throwing Rocks"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

A Pennsylvania school is providing buckets of river stones to each classroom so that students will have something to throw at would-be shooters. I guess it's one of the few measures that can be implemented quickly and cheaply. Though I suspect the EPA will probably get upset about interfering with a "waterway" by carting off the stones.
Disgruntled nut
With an automatic weapon
Stalking the hall
Bursts into the classroom
Couldn't be more dire
Finger on the trigger, starts to open fire

I'm throwing rocks
Aim for the gunman

They've built walls
And fortified the doorways
Cameras for surveillance
Wear see-through plastic backpacks
Raise gun purchase age
Ignore the threats he posts on Facebook page

Start throwing rocks
That's gonna stop him?

First blame the gun
Then the ones who didn't do it
While the warnings went unheeded
Now the cops have all departed
The lawyers have arrived
And we'll pay to keep this murderer alive

We have the rocks
Where should we throw them?

You're on your own
There's no deputy to protect you
He is waiting for the SWAT team
When at last they come
Evil deed's been done
"Secure the scene and tally up the dead".

Just throw some rocks
Hope for survival

Yes, this story is true
I can't make stuff like this up
Where I come from, the students would break windows or throw the rocks at the teachers and each other. Even my old Catholic high school now has an armed police officer on duty and the public school district formed its own police department.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Jihadi - March 26, 2018 - Report this comment
Well, they can always use them to stone their teachers and other people they don't like the way good Muslims do.
Jonathan - March 26, 2018 - Report this comment
if these anti-gun nuts get their way, rocks would be our only defense against criminals who (legally or not) have guns! 5s
Patrick - March 27, 2018 - Report this comment
In the unlikely event the shooter was taken alive, the rocks could be used to go "Old Testament" on him.

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