Jell-o is so out of sight,
There's always room for one more bite,
Since she left me, I've been out binging,
The folks around me are all quite cringing,
When my friend directed me,
To somewhere down the street,
All you can eat,
Now there's are pounds of pie tins....

In smorgasbords, I scarf the cones,
Lucky ice cream has no bones,
I'm getting larger than a Guernsey cow,
Even John Pinette says, "You go now!"
When my fork was stabbed,
Into the center of a cherry tart,
I had to fart,
Amidst the pounds of pie tins....

Under the heated lamps I saw,
Apple turnovers galore,
Their crusts were turning all brown & gold,
Perfect for melting of the a la mode,
Now it won't be long,
'Til I'm up to my knees,
In whizzing cheese,
That top the pounds of pie tins....

Cool Whip soothes my very soul,
I sit & eat it from the bowl,
Like a whale that is about to beach,
I grab the cobbler, & I hope it's peach,
But my curds,
Like cottage cheese, just fell,
Into the gel,
Abrosia pounds of pie tins....

And all that night, I stayed & stayed,
Gallons of pink lemonade,
In the morning, I was snoring,
While quarts of pudding, they were still pouring,
Into the crusts of the custard cups, littered all around my head,
'Til I was dead,
Among the pounds of pie tins....