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Song Parodies -> "Scott Proctor"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Shirley Bassey

Parody Song Title:

"Scott Proctor"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I've roasted Kevin Brown, Esteban Loaiza and Tanyon Sturtze, Yankee pitchers who've driven me up the wall (and thrown pitches that were frequently hit over the wall), with parodies. Now it's Scott the Rot's turn.
Scott Proctor!

He's the man
the man who just cannot pitch!

Son of a b---!

Worse than John Rocker!

Beckons you
to call him out to the mound!

Ignore that sound!

Ninety-eight miles an hour he'll throw!
But over home plate that ball won't go!

For a Golden Glove won't heal this blister!

He's the kiss of death
is Mister

Scott Proctor!

Manager, beware of his golden arm...

It brings you harm!

Ninety-eight miles an hour he'll throw!
But a long way his hit balls will go!

For a Golden Glove won't heal this blister!

He's the kiss of death
is Mister

Scott Proctor!

Yankee Fans
beware Number 43...

He's no Yankee!
You'll lose so badly!
Take it from me!
Woe is thee!
Let me tell you how much this guy sickens me: I'd rather have a "divorce" between Proctor and Yankee manager Joe Torre than between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. THAT is how much I want this guy off the roster!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.3

Total Votes: 24

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   2
 3   2
 4   3
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
had a lot of zip...i liked it
Max Power - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Good one there, but remember it wasn't just Proctor, the offense stranded over a dozen men on base.
Bernard Pacholek - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Hey, little brother, I gotta question for ya: Which Number 43 do you hate more, Proctor or our great President, George W. Bush? Either way, you lose! Ha!
John Jenkins - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Joe Torre is not dumb. If he had better pitchers in the bullpen, he would use them. Would you prefer Luis Vizcaino?
Michael Pacholek - June 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Alvin: Yes, but, unlike Proctor's fastball with its zip, I got it over the plate. Max: You're right, but he makes such a tempting target. Bernard: Uh, lemme get back to you on that one. John: At this point, yes. Vizcaino has improved lately, Proctor hasn't. Kyle Farnsworth hasn't been driving me as crazy lately, though, and he's got the same philosophy of "If it's 98 MPH, it doesn't matter where it goes," so maybe there's hope.
Bernard Pacholek - June 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Hee hee hee... Guess what happened to the Yankees tonight! hey lost... to the Baltimore Orioles! Guess how: Bases-loaded walk in the bottom of the ninth! Guess who wsa the pitcher? Proctor! We'll just overlook the fact that my Metropolitans lost in 11 innings tonight... Proctor walked, Yankees lost, hoo hoo hee hee...
McKludge - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
How about another roasting of Scott Proctor set to Rock Lobster by the B-52s?
Max Power - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Proctor roasting in the open fire.
Michael Pacholek - July 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Free at last, free at last, thank Brian Cashman, I'm free at last! Proctor to the Dodgers for Wilson Betemit! Frankly, this was a case of "Great trade, who'd we get"! Addition by subtraction. If Betemit does nothing for the Yankees, he's still ahead of Proctor!
McKludge - July 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Betemit did a good job for the Braves at third (hit .305) in 2005 when Chipper Jones was injured, but became trade bait when Chipper came back. Never played as well in LA as he did in ATL, but he was stuck behind Nomar in LA.
Michael Pacholek - September 05, 2011 - Report this comment
AUUUUUUUUGH! He's back in Pinstripes!

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