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Song Parodies -> "All-Ones Guy"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Shirley Bassey

Parody Song Title:

"All-Ones Guy"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

"Ability" and "nobility" are each one more syllable than the OS: the first syllable of each is sung as a "cue note", a concept well beyond those who are the targets of this parody.
"All-Ones"- guy
He's no man, no man to vote "One" three times
On others' rhymes

Has no balls, Dunce-guy
Criticize: attempt to acquire pelf
Can't write, himself!!!

Rube resents really rad writers here
Crows and caws like a cock chanticleer
If Ken can't ken pun, or joke he misses,*
Better brains than his,

AmIRight too tough? Try another site -
We're recondite!

Go to Disney- or Barney- dot com
Have their stories read to you by Mom
Voices ven-om-ous; vain vote abuser
Lurker looks like lousy loser!

On mouse, sit; exhibit stupidity:
No civ-il-i-ty,
Just hos-til-i-ty
Not wit-ty
No, not he - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e - e!

*"Ken" (1) "A flaming user. This was originated by the Software Support group at Symbolics because the two greatest flamers in the user community were both named Ken." © (2) "Ken" - Scottish, to recognize or know. © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   3
 3   1
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I've got "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." John A. Barry has "I Put a Spell On You." Tommy Turtle has "Goldfinger." In this case, the golden finger is the middle one! Way to go! Sock it to him! (Her? It?)
John Barry - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
One the onliest number that he/she/it'll ever do. What MP said.
alvin rhodes - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
fifteen ones
Stephen Harrington - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
555, very good. Saw your post on my "Confusion" parody, I'm curious, what bands do you listen to(The earliest ones I own are in the 70s)?
Paul Robinson - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
So, Turtle - you don't care for the "one's" guy/girl? I don't 'do' the Contests anymore (over in the 'Messageboard' but time-consuming), but maybe they should run a "Best One's-Guy Parody" he/she jump over there and "one" all the entries? nice piece here...
Tommy Turtle - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael, thanks. John B,, similar topic crossed my pea-brain: "'Ones' Is Tthe Lowliest Voter" (3 Dog Night), but am way backed up now, so go to it, and do us proud...alvin, thanks; do you mind if I rearrange my fifteen ones into three groups?
Stephen, thanks. Like many Boomer Turtles, grew up as R 'n R grew up - Buddy/Elvis/Ray etc thru the Golden Oldies of the 60s, to somewhere about where you apparently got on board... The 60s GOs are still being remade by groups today - too many examples to cite - probably many others besides self enjoy them and their parodies.
Paul, thanks.
Red Ant - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Hmm, I don't have a song that is 'mine' per se. Everyone gets hit by the 1s-person, rarely does s/he leave comments. The last verse/outro was great with all of the rhymes. About Paul's contest idea, sounds good though there are already several contests currently running; maybe you should join the messageboard and start that contest.
Paul Robinson - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Red, Thanks, but no thanks, really...I just don't have the time anymore - my duties/responsibilities at work are much larger than they were last year and in addition to that we have been much busier, too (a good to work someplace that's Ascending rather than Descending...). I had to decide what "outside" activities I wanted to parcel my time I decided that any 'recreational' activity that had time constraints involved had to go...Hell, I do those things to RELAX...Being a Major Procrastinator I was constantly ending up with 30 parodies to read, vote and hopefully say something about on the 30th of each Month...My fault, sure...but my fault or not I wasn't having fun with them...Nope, No more contests for me...
TT - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Red Ant, thanks. Paul, as Karl Marx (almost) said, "Work is the curse of the drinking class." ("parodying" too.) Have observed peskiness of the "Real World" many times myself.
Red Ant - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Paul, that comment was intended for the Turtle. The last time I checked you already had a messageboard account. ;-)
Troy - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Hahahaha good stuff mate, loved how you make out those all 1s guys as dumb kids that should visit the Disney or Barney site! Those all 1s guys piss me off bigtime, they knock writers ratings down and when they do leave a comment they usually leave a dumbarse one which shows their level of intelligence. Anyways all 5s from me and thanx for your good rating/comment on my Datefinger parody of this song.
Larry Hensley - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Still DKTOS, but it was a clever one. 555's
Stephen Harrington - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I don't have any of those bands or performers, unfortunetly, and I've just bought alot of music lately(so I can't afford to buy anything else at the moment).
TT - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Troy, Larry, Stephen, thanks.
There is an instrumental, not very good, but gives the sing-along tune, at

Stephen, I understand, but to cite just one example, quote from commentary to TT parody of "I Fought The Law":
"I Fought The Law" has also been recorded by Tom Petty, The Clash, Hank Williams Jr, Marshall Crenshaw, Sam Neely and rerecorded by Sonny Curtis. Serevi, Google also says yes, Bryan Adams did do it. I wonder how many others have? It's a great Oldie staying young.. "....
One more: I just googled great Oldie, "Everlasting Love", and saw covers by Gloria Estefan and U2; perhaps you follow their stuff? - I don't, but there's a common ground....

Red Ant, I would so love to join 00s - have read a few threads there - but, like Paul, the pesky "real world" eats up so much time, can't even read/comment on/post all the songs I would like to here at the main place. And the #$%&* income taxes STILL aren't done!!!
Lurker - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I never give all 1's. If anyone does, he/she should stop. Even the worst pacing I've seen here deserved a 2 or 3. Plenty of parodies here, though (such as the present one), deserve a 1 or 2 in the other two categories.
Voltaire (nee Francois Marie Arouet, 1694 - 1778) - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
"I disapprove of what Lurker says, but I will defend to the death his right to say it."


"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."
Michael Pacholek - March 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Tommy: Bryan Adams recorded "I Fought the Law"? There's a version I can live without hearing. Voltaire: There's a lot of that going around, but then, as you said, "Common sense is not very common."
TT - March 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Lurker, Voltaire, thanks... Michael P, roger that.
Lifeliver - March 31, 2013 - Report this comment
Outstanding wordplay - had to look up 'pelf'. Interesting vote-card here: six 1's for 'not funny', only one 1-vote for pacing. One-voting is not the same as 'one-bombing'. The problem there is that 'funniness' is not really an adequate criterion - think 'satisfying, entertaining, rewarding' etc. Fortunately, most do.

It's been said before, but I'd like to see more 2-3-4s, which shows commenters are thinking about the parodies' merits and flaws, rather than just '5-bombing' respected contributors or returning favors. If more did this, the 555 accolades might mean something. As this 555 does!
Tommy Turtle - April 01, 2013 - Report this comment
Agree completely on the philosophy, and have been saying so for a long time. Thanks for the read/v/c.

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