Doctor, you'll rend me,
Doctor, you'll rend me, yeah.
Doctor, you'll rend me
Won't be a dude,
Won't be a dude,
Won't be a dude,
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Doctor, remove "me,"
Doctor, improve me, yeah.
Doctor, you'll groove me.
I'll emerge new,
I'll emerge new.

You know I thirst longingly for invagination;
Soon in the past this old schlong.
I'll awake and find myself as a Mary, who's
Forsaken bone,
Bo-o-o-o-o-o-one.

Oh, you'll mend me
After you rend me.
Doctor, you'll Glen-to-Glenda me,
I'll emerge new,
I'll emerge new.

Oh, when born cursed was I with no invagination;
I asked myself, Why this schlong?
In the mirror, saw myself as a Mary, two
X chromosomes,
So-o-o-o-o-o-omes.

Doctor, you'll groove me,
Doctor, improve me, yeah,
Doctor, remove "me."
I'll emerge new,
I'll emerge new.

It's a non-church-like form of transubstantiation:
From pater to mater ere long.
I will find myself soon no more a hairy dude--
Made concave, coned,
Co-o-o-o-o-o-o-oned.

Doctor, you'll rend me,
And then, you'll bend me, yeah.
After you'll mend me,
I'll emerge new,
Won't see a tube,
Won't be a dude.