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Song Parodies -> "Putrid Foodscam Slash Needy Mongrels"

Original Song Title:

"Pretty Woman"

Original Performer:

Roy Orbison

Parody Song Title:

"Putrid Foodscam Slash Needy Mongrels"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

Big holidays are really just a bad excuse used by family people to dump their work on the rest of us, to break their diets and exercise habits (that makes them at least somewhat tolerable to the single eye) and indulge in fatty food and/or to come back to work the next normal weekday with a legit hangover. There are too many of them altogether but the one I loathe the most among these calendarial excuses for slacking and letting go is Halloween, because not only do I get the raw end of the deal and have to put up with family people skipping work as described above, but also because when I finally get home to my own place I'M still expected to feed THEIR dirty, filthy, stinking, putrid offspring so that the parents don't have to themselves! (And if you're a parent offended by this intro and song, please remember when your daughter gets older and leaves school to run away with the first best sugardaddy she can find that it was not me but YOU yourself who taught her to take candy from strangers!)

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSGNSE6bM2Y
Putrid food-scam, wobbling down my street
Putrid food-scam, kids out on Halloween
Putrid food-scam
And I believe they're too young for goth
And all they'll get from me is loth

O' parsley!

Needy mongrels, what they want from me
Needy mongrels, is trick or treat you see
Needy mongrels
Out for candy, much for free
Think they're gonna get from me

Noooooooo!

Shaky mongrels, sugar high
Ugly mongrels, dressing vile
Sickly mongrels, hepatitides
Puny mongrels, A-B-C
Every mongrel'll come my way
Hungry mongrels, stay away from me

Or I'll feed you, lead from my gate
Don't ask your parents, be warned too late

Pesky mongrels, don't come nearby
Pesky mongrels, don't even try
Pesky mongrels, just run away, way... all day
Cos that's the way to safety, m'kay

(lotsa hard running tiny feet interlude over shotgun fire and crows cawing)

I'll now appraise my dental state
They went and served me on a plate
Because you see…
All their candy's left for me!
Yeah, they dropped their sacks for me!
Oh… I… won the food-scam
© Peter Andersson. (Just in case you wonder; I wrote "slash" in the title with letters deliberately, so as for it to go horribly right with the last line of this Halloween song) :-)

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Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

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Patrick - November 03, 2010 - Report this comment
I remember when Halloween started at sundown on the 31st of October. Now it begins on Labor Day weekend when the commercial haunted houses open. The custom of trick or treating disappeared in my neighborhood. Haven't seen a kid doing it in 15 years.

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