I stole a red van and I'm gonna take it back
It's certain that I am a kleptomaniac
Using my own guitar I like to sing the blues
I cannot steal girl's hearts instead I steal their shoes

I stole a lion cub and he bit off my thumb
The power to steal stuff is still a lot of fun
The policemen stare at me when I steal rubber bands
I would crack a safe and keep a dollar in my hands

Winona Ryder is my hero that's for sure
I steal just red bull from an expensive liquor store
I think the police station must be in quite an uproar
When all the guards fell asleep then I stole their front door

That was a bright idea they've got my fingerprints
They will come for me which stinks much more than armpits
If I move far away and take someone's I.D.
They won't come after me since I'm a boring thief

I think this person doesn't want his ID back
His morals are real poor he's wanted for attacks
On homeless shelters and a bunch of nursing homes
Cause of this psychopath to jail i have to go

I wanna just have my freedom back, back to life, back to home
I'd never hurt the poor, I just take all their dimes
I wanna have my freedom, freedom, freedom back