~ FRIEND #1 ~
Last Thursday she had sushi, hey
It's thrown her for a loop
She'll take the doldrums any day
O're unremitting poop
But underneath that Donna K
Her heiny can't regroup
Her thong's become an instrument of torture!

~ FRIEND #2 ~
Each stride she takes it escalates
The chafing factor's real
If its not plied with Charmin Plus
She's gets that hack-saw feel
I hate to have to say it
On some Oprah-like reveal
But her thong's become an instrument of torture!

~ FRIEND #3 ~
I'd like to say a word about her cheeks
Thong rash
Really reeks!

~ ALL ~
How to resolve her case of diarrhea?
How to curtail befouling of her gown?
Yet to find a drug store panacea
Imodium's shit! A pun we'll admit! Don't frown!

Many a drug that's o're the counter's failed her
Even the one with colon friendly bran
So how to restrain her ass
When Pepto runs outta gas?
How to convert her rennet into flan?

~ ALL ~
Oh, how to resolve her ‘whack-a-hole'-arrhea?
When will her rectum make custard's last stand?

~ FRIEND #1 ~
In close quarters we're aghast
Sluiced enterics, chunneled gas
And we know just who precisely cut the cheese!

~ FRIEND #2 ~
Unpredictable as weather
In her Vicky's Secret ‘tether'
[#1] She's a bomber!
[#2] The poor baby!
[#3] She's diseased!

~ FRIEND #3 ~
Like a bass-akwardy dragon
Knocking flys from their shit wagon
[#1] She barrages flaming stinkers that'll dwell
[#2] She has suffered!
[#3] She is rancid!
[#2] She is hapless!
[#3] Get antacid!
[#2] She's a victim!
[#3] She's a vector!
[#1] She's unwell!

~ ALL ~
How to resolve her sushi-spawned-arrhea?
How to curtail befouling of her gown?
Yet to find a drug store panacea
Imodium's shit! A pun we'll admit! Don't frown!

Many a thong has suffered such abuses
Many a thong was subsequently tossed
So now we will make her wear
A practical girl's fare
'Depends' won't floss her rear or leak exhaust.

Oh, how to resolve her case of diarrhea?
When will her rectum make custard's last stand?