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Song Parodies -> "The First Time Ever I Wore Your Lace"

Original Song Title:

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

Original Performer:

Roberta Flack

Parody Song Title:

"The First Time Ever I Wore Your Lace"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Written by TT's third cousin, Manny times removed, Tranny Turtle (but as in "transvestite" not "transsexual'). Doesn't do a thing for moi -- looks *much* better on the female of the species. (well, *some* of them. If you need a thong size XXL, you don't need a thong. ;-)
The first time ever I wore your lace
Slid stockings on; rose on my thi- -i -i -i -i -ighs
And my moon was a star in your garter belt
Spike heels sharp; leather, black, knee-highs, oh yeah!
Lovely lark: Mirror's nice surprise!

The first time I strapped your bra about
With felt, stuffed parts, and posed so fi- -i -i -i -i -ine
The assembling, start: gel, adaptive; furred
Chest: shaved hair, like your smooth hand and glove
Bosom there, with cleavage, stand

And the first time I wore your panties, ooh!
'Bout ripped apart, this bulge of mi- -i -i -i -i -ine
And so blue, my toy, o'erfilled its girth
Bare-a**ed, apprehend my prime, I love
Yes, at last, I pretend: you: I'm, my love

The first time ever I wore your lace; debase;
Replace; no trace!

.... and she never found out. .... not yet, anyway. :) © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Timmy1000 - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Kinky 5's for this one
Mark Scotti - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
I would say, dressed to the nines, but here you can only be dressed to the fives...
Manny's Secret - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Great work, but point in case, shouldn't this brace of 'ace pace' be showcased on My Lace?
Tommy Turtle - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Timmy1000, thanks.
Mark Scotti,(lol) thanks. Manny's Secret: Good idea! :) thanks, MS. (lol initials)
AFW - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody should be done by Fred Wearing and the Pantsylvanians...another good use of the original, TT
alvin - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
a perfect fit...uh...i mean for the original lyrics
Tommy Turtle - July 02, 2009 - Report this comment
AFW: (lol) thanks.
alvin (hehe) thanks.
carol brown - July 04, 2009 - Report this comment
so good it brought a smile to my face
Tommy Turtle - July 06, 2009 - Report this comment
carol brown, long time, no see! nice to have you back, and esp. with a smile on your face! :) thanks for v/c and for surprise visit!
blackjack21 - July 06, 2009 - Report this comment
You're killing me softly with this song. (killing me with laughter, that is) Your 3-pack of lace panties are a size 5.
carol - July 06, 2009 - Report this comment
hey Tommy thanks for the welcome back. Csme back to post 3 new parodies and to let you know that during the 4 years I have been gone, I have become an honest to goodness writer of original songs in collaboration with a singer/songwriter of over 30 years experience. We have just finished writing our 9th song together, so if you have the time, please follow the link I am providing and go check out our songs and the ones he has written on his own.
Tommy Turtle - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: lol comment! thanks... and while normally it's cheesy to return a compliment with a plug, you're practically begging for it :) :) so here are TT's parodies of "killing me softly"
thanks again -- dealer has three 5's = 15, loses to your 21!

carol: you're welcome, and that's great news. will check them out - have you had any produced or aired on radio? good luck .... have written a few professional parodies myself, plus two in collab with TJC. ... sold to a producer/syndicator of comedy material to indy radio stations. mostly about 08 politics. won't list them here as there are about 7, but leave me a note here if you'd like me to point you to them. will check out your parodies too. thanks for the news!
Lifeliver - February 03, 2013 - Report this comment
555s for the title switch alone. The elongated vowels are a killer, helped by the myopic mood of the song. Lucky your cousin was able to do the 'legwork' ! I agree females definitely do it better (wear the dresses I mean, not write the parodies), but we've got some who do that pretty well too.

I also left v/c at the first of your links for 'killing me softly'. The Arnold one looked formidable too but a little out of my area. I did clock the 'Cheech and Chong' ref, though - brilliant!
Tommy Turtle - February 03, 2013 - Report this comment
Lifeliver, thanks for following along. Yes, the OS has those looooooooong vowels, and I liked using them here. Agree with comment re: look better on females, though the diff is more emphatic on what's underneath the dress. (Loooooongerie? Ouch!)

Assume that "Cheech" was the Michael Phelps tribute/diatribe, but DK the "Arnold" reference, sorry. Thanks for browsing around.

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