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Song Parodies -> "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Place"

Original Song Title:

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

Original Performer:

Roberta Flack

Parody Song Title:

"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Place"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Vaguely inspired by an old episode of "Friends", in which Ross meets this *really* hot chick, but when he takes her back to her place ... Some OS include echo lines at end of each verse, as TT remembers (and parodied); some don't. Lot of minor variations in all, plus the many covers. (Johnny Mathis was a fave.)

Decade note: Released on Flack's debut album in 1969, so placed it there, although it didn't become famous until Clint Eastwood used it in his 1971 directorial debut, "Play Misty For Me".

The first time ever I saw your place
It brought a stun; nose smells: rat di- -i -i -i -i -ies
Dead raccoon, old Mars™ bars, smelled like whiffs of grave
Dank and dark; the messy piles above
Odor stark, and the endless flies

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And smelt a fart leave from your behi- -i -i -i -i -ind
And the trembling start of a captive turd
From your rear, into my hand, (need glove)
Full of fear it might expand

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your part expose its li -i -i -i -i -ice
And I knew those boys would find their berth
En masse, and append to mine, above
Must be gassed, or attend with lime thereof [1]

The first time ever I saw your place: Deface --
-- This space: Disgrace!

[1] "Lime" -- here, not the fruit, but calcium hydoxide, a caustic substitute for lye, used in hair relaxers and chemical depilatories (hair removers), like Nair™

Mars® Mars, Incorporated. Nair® Church & Dwight Co., Inc.. All else © 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
That was one of my all time favorite episodes. This was disgustingly hilarious!! 555 roach motels...
AFW - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
What Mark said...555
UnKnownVO - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
< ! ! ! >
Andy Primus - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Never seen the episode but a very funny bit of writing to a great song to parody (I posted a version last Wednesday) - especially liked the whiffs of grave line
alvin - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
disturbingly descriptive but fun
Tommy Turtle - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Glad someone remembered it! Thanks for v/c, Mark!
AFW:: What I said to Mark... :) thanks, AFW.
UnKnownVO, < thanks!!! >
Andy Primus: If it's still re-run in your area, hope you catch it -- as Mark said, it was one of the best. Will check yours when caught up here. Thanks for v/c, Andy.
alvin: "disturbingly" - from the master of Psycho, horror, etc. parody? LOL! :-) ... thanks for v/c, alvin.
Appendoappendage - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Very funny, though never saw that specific episode... wonderful verbiage and a chemistry lesson to boot... Waiting for your inevitable follow-on: 'Forever I Flee Your Pace' regaling listeners with TT's inner torment when poorly paced parodies are placed 'afore him!
Tommy Turtle - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Appendoappendage, what would a TT parody be without *some* kind of pedantry? lol.. As per AP, catch the re-run if ya can -- great episode. ... as for "inner torment", unfortunately seems that TT turns that into "outer torment" of victim ... bad habit.

Lotta good follow-ons "... ever was sprayed with Mace" ... "ever got to third base" ... hmm, better stop .... might do some of these myself, and can't spare the time right now.. thanks for v, c, and, as usual, inspiration!

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