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Song Parodies -> "A Blighter Maid To Nail"

Original Song Title:

"A Whiter Shade Of Pale"

Original Performer:

Procol Harum

Parody Song Title:

"A Blighter Maid To Nail"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Inspired by Andy Primus' "tail" of the unsanitary ladies of the evening in "Hamburg".*Full* OS lyrics, with history and notes, here.

I'm hip tonight to tango
As tart's heels cross the floor
I was reeling; scabs made me sick
Need a shroud to do this wh*re
My boom becoming harder
With her peeling, view: display
As she sprawled out: Holy Mother! Stink!
"Dick-tator" says, "OK"

And so it was, I laid her
What a killer piece of tail!
Her embrace slaked thirst, but mostly --
What a blighter maid to nail!

Small head, there is no pleasin'
Despite risk of STD
So I squandered; all my pay, discards
And Willy, set him free
Of his obscene bestial urgin's
Though her beaving left me grossed
And although her thighs were open
Eyes tight, disgust: impel them closed

She said, "Your dome want more beave?"
So uncouth, this cur to me
Nasty hooker; bit of nookie, crass!
So coarse, to nth degree
Praying, "Screw lust for this sperm-maid!
"Though adept poon, do provide"
But beguiled she, me so badly,
That to bang her, mate, decide

I grew sick of the mood for love
Hereafter, must stay clean
Unlike guys: if the mind is on c**t
A dirty booth is keen
Went south, my pen like hardboard
Steamed to dip anew lil' head
So I trash-dived, straight way, prickly
Clap contract, emotion-led!

(What a blighter maid to nail!)

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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John Barry - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Sounds like a pro call[girl] harem.
malcolm higgins - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
what John said
Andy Primus - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Loads of great lines - especially liked urgin's & nth
Mark Scotti - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
A Harem's worth of wonderful prose of debauchery!!! You "nailed" this, Turtle!!!
Dee Range - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
King Spaff once laid a comment on my "The Boxer Shorts" parody, saying "Syllable-for-syllable parodies can easily turn into incoherent messes, but this one works wonderfully. I'm still very impressed at the way you pulled off "The Boxer Shorts." Heh heh." I would echo Sir Spaff's thought about syllable for syllable parodies. Many make little sense, and few are very funny. Very few are pulled off as well as this one. Just a freakin' masterpiece, TT.
Timmy1000 - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
555 - very funny and tightly written; nice to see this PH classic used.
AFW - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
You herd the words thru this passion pasture, so very well...classy poetic porn
Tommy Turtle - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
John Barry, malcolm higgins, Andy Primus, Mark Scotti ("nailed", hehe - good one!), Timmy 1000, AFW (quite the poetic comment there -- great metaphors and alliteration!), thanks for v/c.

Dee Range: Agree that some don't make sense. If I couldn't match without sacrificing coherence, I wouldn't -- would just go with regular parody. Hopefully, my previous syl-matches were logical as well. (no plugs here). Thanks for VC, Dee.
Seventeenth Vestal Virgin - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
I grokked, you groped, 'twas great.... I hadn't considered Dee's line of analysis, but, er, come to think of it you nailed this one on both accounts (coherence n' adherence)! Parodick perfuction!!!
First Bestial Turtle - May 12, 2009 - Report this comment
Seventeenth Vestal Virgin: Concise criteria, there! One of these days, ya oughta take off that vest and try parodick perfuction, minus the paro ... ya might like it! ... Thanks for the read, vote, and clever commentary, SVV!
alvin - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
strangely poetic
Leo Keough - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Great OS and even greater parody!!!...555!!!...Security code 26D - now that would be something to see
MsUtraBrite - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir TT, or ~SenorTata~ . . . so you don't like Blondes, the Briter Shades ??
PMS - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Great job on a very hard OS
Tommy Turtle - May 14, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin: "multum in parvo" compliment... thanks much.
Leo Keough: Mmmm... thanks for v/c, Leo.
MsUtraBrite: (and thank you for the new nick, Ma'am) ... Blighter, no; Briter, fine ... if natural ... do the shoes match the dress/ does the purse match the hat? lol ... thanks for v/c, MUB.
PMS: Thank you, too, Ma'am.

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