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Song Parodies -> "The Smells"

Original Song Title:

"The Bells"

Original Performer:

Phil Ochs

Parody Song Title:

"The Smells"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

I
Sniff the wedges with their smells,
Pungent smells!
Oh, what a world of wheel and wedge the good cheesemonger sells!
Gorgonzola and limburger
Vie with Stilton at the nose
With aromas so effusive
They're insistently conducive
To the curling of the toes.
Add some tonic, gin, and lime
to complete a rhinic rhyme
Of the beezer pleasing odor that so redolently swells
From the smells, smells, smells, smells,smells, smells, smells!
Oh, what a tingling from the mingling of the smells.

II
Sniff the jousters with their smells
Sweaty smells!
What a world of fulsomness their redolence fortells!
See that paladin in armor
Who now dips his lance, saluting?
Tho' he seems now quite the charmer,
He'll become a nose-alarmer
When he doffs his metal suiting
And his undergarments' grime
-- One might say his tunic rime --
Yields a nostril-filling fetor that no cleansing ever quells,
Oh, the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells --
They're a reeking, rank miasma, they’re a veritable plasma! Oh, the smells!

III
Sniff the Seinfeld auto smells
Reeking smells!
What a world of ponging perspiration therein dwells!
'Twas an unwashed valet parker
Who indelibly imprinted
The upholst'ry with his marker
Like some hydrant-claiming barker.
And it’s now so foully scented
(It would seem for all of time),
That the luckless Jerry's thinking, "Damn it! I'm
Stuck forever with this stinker like a wreck that never sells
With its smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells --
With that odor so atrocious that it lays on the proboscis! Oh, the smells!

IV
Sniff the bouquets of the belles
Perfumed belles!
Oh, what a world of wantonness they trigger, those Chanels!
Whether perfume or cologne,
Men whose nostrils it inhabits
Grow, like randy, rutting rabbits,
Ev’ry instant more reluctant to postpone
Explorations amatory
Of its wearer’s inventory
Of erogenous locations where she’s daubed Coco’s creation,
For the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells.
How they goad men to devour! There’s no limit to the power of the smells!
© Stan Hall Before his sad end, brilliant Phil would've enjoyed a humorous spin on his musical setting of Poe's poem. Tho' he didn't sing this parody's OS the only time I saw him perform--at a '70 mall march here--he did sing "I AIn't a-Marchin' Anymore" and several other anitiwar anthems of the day, and being there was (speaking of smells) well worth the snootful--neither the first nor the last I experienced--of tear gas inhaled e're the day's end. All that said, I remember from sometime '64-'65-ish the melody of another musical setting of "The Bells" that I liked even better than Phil's, but can't for the life of me recall the artist. Any help re that would be much appreciated.

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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MasonR - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
I know the OS well, and you did both Ochs and Poe proud.
Invisible Boy - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Amazingly well written. At this point I expect your work to be good, but a few times,like this one, you have posted works that were exceptional...
alvin - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
unfamiliar with the OS but it worked well as prose
LadyCupCakes - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Chanel ~5~ will do it everytime, especially in the ~Qui Hours~ Well worth the pric$e, Sir!
Stan - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Mercí, mes amis (et amie)! :-) But Cakes, I must confess I'm really not a big fan of ’fumes, generally, but among'em would rather a snoutful of White Shoulders than Chanel. Still, that stuff the devil in a blue dress wears works better in context here, so ... :-)
LadyPerfumedCakes - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Yes, ~White Shouilders~ i do have on my dresser , along with ~RED DOOR~ and ~KNOWing~ These scents have been tried & proven true!
Stan - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
So, Lady C., you're suggesting that there's another sweet smell of success than what entanced JJ Hunsecker and Sidney Falco? :-)
2Eagle - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Crazy parody of that EAP classic. By the way, have you tried "Bora Bora"?
Stan - February 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Had never heard of "Bora Bora" otherwise than as an island name, but a cruise by Leo's Lyrics turns up a a fairly simple so-named song in Portugese by Os Paralamos Do Sucesso and another in a language which, tho' surely not _actually_ gibberish, might as well be to me, by Arash that looks structurally sort of rappy. It's the latter you mean ... ? Anyway, I haven't tried either. :-)

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