I
Sniff the wedges with their smells,
Pungent smells!
Oh, what a world of wheel and wedge the good cheesemonger sells!
Gorgonzola and limburger
Vie with Stilton at the nose
With aromas so effusive
They're insistently conducive
To the curling of the toes.
Add some tonic, gin, and lime
to complete a rhinic rhyme
Of the beezer pleasing odor that so redolently swells
From the smells, smells, smells, smells,smells, smells, smells!
Oh, what a tingling from the mingling of the smells.

II
Sniff the jousters with their smells
Sweaty smells!
What a world of fulsomness their redolence fortells!
See that paladin in armor
Who now dips his lance, saluting?
Tho' he seems now quite the charmer,
He'll become a nose-alarmer
When he doffs his metal suiting
And his undergarments' grime
-- One might say his tunic rime --
Yields a nostril-filling fetor that no cleansing ever quells,
Oh, the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells --
They're a reeking, rank miasma, they’re a veritable plasma! Oh, the smells!

III
Sniff the Seinfeld auto smells
Reeking smells!
What a world of ponging perspiration therein dwells!
'Twas an unwashed valet parker
Who indelibly imprinted
The upholst'ry with his marker
Like some hydrant-claiming barker.
And it’s now so foully scented
(It would seem for all of time),
That the luckless Jerry's thinking, "Damn it! I'm
Stuck forever with this stinker like a wreck that never sells
With its smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells --
With that odor so atrocious that it lays on the proboscis! Oh, the smells!

IV
Sniff the bouquets of the belles
Perfumed belles!
Oh, what a world of wantonness they trigger, those Chanels!
Whether perfume or cologne,
Men whose nostrils it inhabits
Grow, like randy, rutting rabbits,
Ev’ry instant more reluctant to postpone
Explorations amatory
Of its wearer’s inventory
Of erogenous locations where she’s daubed Coco’s creation,
For the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells.
How they goad men to devour! There’s no limit to the power of the smells!