You wander around, 'cause your gut's making sounds
and you've got an empty refrigerator.
You walk out on me when I suggest Mickey D
'cause your doc says get the defibrillator.

I've seen your ad a million times before.
I still won't go to that place no more.

Don't eat there at Subway, Jared.
That food is just too damn plain.
Don't eat there at Subway, Jared.
The night is long, I need some food that's fried.
Come along, good food's inside you again.

You lost all those pounds and you're making the rounds.
To meet Clay Henry at his fire station.
You don't realize that you need burger and fries
and pizza will give you such elation.

Ice cream means nothing when you let it go.
So why pretend you hate cookie dough?

Don't eat there at Subway, Jared.
That food is just too damn plain.
Don't eat there at Subway, Jared.
The night is long, I need some food that's fried.
Come along, good food's inside you again.