All his bones are packed, all ready to go
We're standing by the doggie door
A canine friend, my Mom said I should try
Yes he's all housebroken, my brand new pet
And his collar's ready, he's seen the vet
A much better companion than a guy

So lick me and bark for me
Tell me that you'll wait to pee
Hold your leash and never let you go
Cause I'm leaving with a great dane
A new love I don't have to explain
Oh, Scoob, I love him so

There's so many times men let me down
They cheat on me, they fool around
My puppy now obeys my every word
When I holler "fetch" he brings to me
When I tell him "speak" he sings to me
When I tell him "drive" well, let's not be absurd

So lick me and bark for me
Tell me that you'll wait to pee
Hold your leash and never let you go
Cause I'm leaving with a great dane
A new love I don't have to explain
Oh, Scoob, I love him so

Now the time has come to breed you
I brought lovely dogs that need you
They're all in heat so you can have your way
Now what is this? You turned your nose
You sniffed them all, yet nothing grows
Oh damn, I think my big dog is gay

So lick me and bark for me
Show me that you squat to pee
Hold your leash and never let you go
Cause I'm leaving with a great dane
A new love I now have to explain
Oh, Scoob, such a homo