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Song Parodies -> "Muff, No Access: Rag On"

Original Song Title:

"Puff, The Magic Dragon"

Original Performer:

Peter, Paul, and Mary

Parody Song Title:

"Muff, No Access: Rag On"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Inspired by Meriadoc's comment at "You've Got To Hide Your Muff Away". This isn't the parody that Merry suggested, but it's TT's entry for 'Song of the "Month"', so to speak...
Muff, no access: rag on; Give none, can she --
For four or five days or a week, but seems like e-ternity...
Little Tommy Turtle loved that bristly Muff
Did naughty things in loving acts; could never get enough! But, --

Muff, no access: rag on; full of debris
No frolicking; naught but a fist can she offer to his plea
Muff, no access: rag on; gaze wistfully
No frolicking; they must subsist on the late shows on TV

Together they would revel; they'd cavort to much avail
Tommy kept his beak out for his favorite bit of tail
Earth moved; lightning; thunder would roar whene'er they came
Tommy dipped for hours his flag, until he came up lame! Oh,

Muff, that frothy flagon, sweet wine it be
He'd drink until his thirst was quenched to the ultimate degree
Muff, the tragic rag in, now absentee
She lost a few days every month; 'bout a week for every three

A hag can live forever, but not an ovar-y
Maxi wings and tampon strings go 'way, eventu'lly
One "red" day, it happened; her friend Aunt Flo came no more
And Muff did not need rag on; it went back in the drawer

Their limbs were locked in loving; green scales flew like rain
Muff no longer had to pray each month, for cherry stain
Without her lifelong "friend", Muff could not be Mom
So Muff and Tommy Turtle gladly frolicked with aplomb!

Tom's pelagic shaggin' crossed all the sea
They frolicked bareback; nothing missed, but the fear of pregnancy
Muff, no more with rag on, to-tally free
And frolicked, made love, hugged, and kissed, with Ma Nature's guarantee!

Muff, no more with rag on, thanks Nature's laws
And frolics in the autumn midst of her life, grateful because:
Muff, no more with rag on, wins Tom's applause
And frolics joyfully, quite pleased with her flippered man, no paws!

Many of Tommy's women friends have had "man, no paws". Lots of upsides -- it's a cool thing, ladies. And thanks again, Merry. © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Doppelbock - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
This was just absolutely f*cking brilliant!
alvin - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment're quite the "minstral"
Phil Alexander - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Alvin - why not write that one up:
Tom, the menstrual minstrel
John Barry - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Sort of a peter pall on Mary. A masterpiece of menarche, tool tabled temporarily, so no sister-lovin- while the cru daily decants, no, no sister while the ooze is daily damped, there'll be no sister-lovin' while sloughin' potential placental implants.
McKludge - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Aunt Flo's little friend gave this two {ahem} thumbs up! 555
AFW - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
This is bloody good, period!
Tommy Turtle - September 28, 2007 - Report this comment
Doppelbock, f* thanks!
alvin, thanks (lol)
Phil Alexander, just the title TT has always wanted...
John Barry, a more complex comment than many parodies -- sounds like you've the start of a full parody there... thanks, John.
McKludge, (lol) thanks!
AFW, have you eaten Johhny D? (lol) thanks!
Ann Hammond - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
I sang .
PMS - September 29, 2007 - Report this comment
My favorite of the day. Period
TT - September 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Ann Hammond, thanks... PMS, thanks -- period.
Meriadoc - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Hi Tommy - sorry - I've been away, but glad you left a red flag to lead me to this one.Quite a frolicky flagrantism here. And as one thing leads to another, may I suggest that you check out our "My Menstruental Friend" :-)
TT - October 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Meriadoc, thanks, and thanks again for inspiring a fun write.
Purrl - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
An upside, huh? Never thought of it that way...(probably because we're not quite there yet..) Nothing to rag on this bloody parody, 555.
TT - October 24, 2007 - Report this comment
Purrl, there are upsides to everything, but... take your time, and enjoy your youth while you have it, friend. Thanks for vote and comment.

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