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Song Parodies -> "Don't Just Hang There"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Just Stand There"

Original Performer:

Patty Duke

Parody Song Title:

"Don't Just Hang There"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Another in the series of "lesser-known hits" (#8 in 1965, on her first try, no less). Apparently, also another in the *totally-unintended* series of "Time To Talk To Your Doctor", the first one being almost four years ago -- but the contrasting title switch seemed, uh, "natural". ;)

Also another in the series of "hitherto-unknown tragic lives" (e. g., Dusty Springfield), for the happy-go-lucky teen star of "The Patty Duke Show". (Brief bio notes in the outro.) Sometimes, it's better *not* to do the research ... Original (syllable-matched) OS video, with as much pathos as her life, here.

Please, don't just hang there
Come, and bliss her, like before
We's ... gotta land there
Or she's bound ... for the door

That dumb thing, the schlong!
Lives he, must: own little mind!
You need something else? Geez, tell me!
She has hot... bod ... taut: front and behind!

Once, 'neath the sheet,
You'd prong hard, so.. up- -right
Why can't my meat
Fulfill, delight?

Please, grow and bang her
Bending over just for you
"Squeeze": yin-and-yang her   [1]
My sweetheart ... aches; I'm blue!

Glowing, I stare
How can you be unaligned?
Wants inserting: she, and yelps, glee
Tell me what .. rot ... blot .. got "one-eye" blind!

[spoken, poignantly, but (alas!) not "pointedly"]

This is so lame! ... I just want to lay her!
And next to her, lie. ... Why must you dismay her?!

[resume singing]

Why break and die? Psych up, Dude!
How can you be disinclined?
Fit like glove in her, or grieve me!
Fell: me! Ruts? ... Nuts ... Putz ... Shuts down, resigned!

(There''s no gland there)
On two: Hut ... hut ... Strut! ... Butt: bump and grind!
(No more man, there)
Need some smut? ... Jut! ... Klutz! ... Lust, undermined!

(don't bother repeating; give up; fade out gracefully, and have a slice of pie.)

[1] Originally, inner-city urban slang (what a euphemism!) for one's special other, "my main squeeze". Haven't heard that in a while -- still in use?

TT has a slightly different "problem" -- both the spirit and flesh are willing, but all of the female flesh that's willing is woolen.... ;)

Anna Marie Duke was born to an alcoholic father and a clinically-depressed, violence-prone mother. At age eight, her career was turned over to exploitative and unscrupulous managers, a married couple, who changed her name against her will, and began supplying her with alcohol and prescription drugs at age 13. She regarded herself as virtually their "prisoner", and later, she would accuse *both* of them of sexually abusing her. Upon reaching adulthood at 18, found that the managers had squandered most of her earnings.

Audiences had a hard time accepting the "angelic" Duke in the role of the alcoholic, drug-addicted movie star in 1967's "Valley Of The Dolls" (from the novel by Jacqueline Susann). Who knew then that it wasn't "acting"?

Married four times, once for only 13 days. At age 36, diagnosed as bipolar, probably since late childhood or early teens. ... Given the numerous other child stars who led difficult lives (Judy Garland, e. g.,), maybe there's another parody here: (Life Ain't Easy For) "A Boy Named Sue" = "Life Ain't Easy For A Child Star, Too". ... Sad.

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
I was thinking Patty Duke had died, but web says no...Don't recall this particular song, but very well done parody and interesting footnotes
Old Man Ribber - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
I had never heard of this song. Please DON'T tell me she performed it in The Miracle Worker! ;D
Tommy Turtle - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: Surprising that she hasn't, given the substance abuse. Working to advocate for other bipolar victims. Thanks for v/c.

Old Man Ribber: What more appropriate movie in which to sing it???? :-D (ROFL!)
Captain Miles Stand-ish - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Nothing of TT's is *ever* a flop! 555
TJC - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Now that'd make a 'Patty Duke Show' I'd pay to see! Clever and off-beat (heh!). Tommy Turtle and fives? Yeah, 'fits like a glove'!
Christie Marie M - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow, I didn't know Patty Duke sung. I only knew her as an actress. But heard the song the first time and loved it and boy, did she sing well. This 'Kama-Sutra' is turned into a 'Miracle Work'...555's!
Tommy Turtle - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Captain Miles Stand-ish: Thanks! Wanna go fer a ride in (the back seat of) my Plymouth? ;)     (lol @ nick, and thanks for v/c :)

TJC: Probably not in her current condition and age. :) heh! ... needed a break from. ewe know, all those epics. :) Thanks for v/c!

Christie Marie M: As noted, got into the Top 10 on her first try -- how many singers do that? Thanks for v/c!
Mark Scotti - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Use to be quite the fan of The Patty Duke show(dating myself.....). Great job, TT
Tommy Turtle - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Dating myself, too, because no one else will date me ;) ;) ;) .... Thanks for v/c.
Alpha Skua - March 04, 2022 - Report this comment
Back before Liberals turned TV into wasteland and the Fake News programs

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