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Song Parodies -> "Food, Dangerous Food"

Original Song Title:

"Food, Glorious Food"

Original Performer:

Oliver! (the musical)

Parody Song Title:

"Food, Dangerous Food"

Parody Written by:

Barry J. Mitchel

The Lyrics

Last week, the US Congress passed a double whammy against free choice, the Food Safety Act and the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010. The former [1] piles burdensome FDA regulations on most food sources, including local farmers' markets and organic or natural growers. The latter (not affecting young goats) promulgates uniform standards for school meals, fund-raising food sales and sports concessions, an outgrowth of the First Lady's "benign" anti-childhood-obesity programs. I used TOS, sung by apprentice pickpockets of another era, whose food intake was limited by men with less noble motives.
May I fill my plate no more?
Is it nineteen eighty four?
Will the FDA be cru-el?
First it says we may not dare
Ever char the burgers rare,
So we let the flames cook through well.

There's not a crust nor a crumb can we find
Without regs that we follow or fudge;
But there's nothing to stop it from getting its will
When we all close our eyes and don't budge ... it.

Food, perilous food!
Hot coffee can just spill.
McDonald's is sued;
Cold bev'rage hands must fill.

Feast goodies can't we enjoy?
"What next?" is the question.
Rich lentils sent from Hanoi [2]
Bring infection!

Food, poisonous food!
Who's anxious to try it?
Three hemlocks a day, [3]
Our favourite diet!

Just pick up a bake-sale cake;
Why frosting exclude?
Faux food,
Lunch-in-school food,
Carbo-less food,
Gorging less food.

Food, dangerous food!
Where is there more peril?
Gulped, swallowed or chewed,
Will girth make us sterile?

What is it we scream about?
What brings on a spat?
Vile speeches that seem to shout,
"Nix sweet fat!"
[1] The Senate version initiated fees & taxes, so it must go back to the House.
[2] It's an illegal and improbable import that fits TOS.
[3] Socrates expired after just one.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   4

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Change "the FDA" to "USDA", which got more power in the FSA.
Dana Mathewson - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Wonderful, Barry, and very much to the point. I truly hope that once we cleanse the chambers of liberals, or at least the liberal majority, our lawmakers will go back to doing what they are supposed to do. I suppose that's a forlorn hope...
Upton Sinclair - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Safety, being the irrelevant piece of this dietary puzzle, should never be placed ahead of capitalism. Let the market sort it out after the e. coli and other troublesome irritants eliminate the bad guys from the good guys in the marketplace. Silly legislators, regs are for Reds.
Wild Child JIN - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
I know about McDonald's getting sued once for a coffee incident. It spilled on a women legs and gave them a second degree burn. Unless I miss my guess, aren't people supposed to heat coffee and not boil it? But as for your parody, I eat it up! 555 :-)
Andy Primus - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
I remember MuckD being sued years ago over a coffee incident. This was a customer who spilled it on themselves! I could understand the lawsuit if a member of staff had spilled it on them, or the container was faulty. If I was the judge, I'd have thrown it straight out of court and told the clumsy numb-nut to be a bit more careful next time!
Patrick McWilliams - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Mr Sinclair. The point of "The Jungle" was that America needed socialism to solve its ills. The food problem was only a few pages of the book. I wonder what the tipping point will be for the next revolution. Perhaps when the government starts forcing their diet down out throats? That's getting very personal. I'll have to check with the local World Market and see if they have any Hanoi lentils. If not, I'll pick up some Aero Bars from the UK.
U.S. - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Being dead, I can see your point. And though socialism won't solve all ills, pure capitalism will not solve them either. The question, as with everything, is balance. Though we are agreed that no government should dictate a nation's diet, the legislation that's being brought to the table, so to speak, does not tell families what they can eat in the privacy of their own home (unless you use the 'slippery slope' argument, which I don't buy). The Food Safety Act does not tell us what to eat. It provides safety measures for our food supply, which is a good thing. And a recent ammendment exempted some smaller farmers from facing some of the stricter standards. The Healthy Hunger Free Kids Act makes sure schools feed kids properly, which is something state's should have taken up long ago. I find the legislation very defensible. On a side note, I recently visited the World Market and tried some delicious Belgian Butter Waffle Crisps. Highly recommended.
Barry J. Mitchel - December 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, all c/v's! I learn from such thoughtful comments. After reading more on the FSA, I withdraw my opening comment. Keep "the FDA."
U.S.: "Being dead" I thought meant our United States, until I realized Upton Sinclair's initials. True, small farms are exempt but that may change in the future.
Barry J. Mitchel - December 07, 2010 - Report this comment
The HHFKA is supposed to be "revenue neutral", but it claims that only because of offsetting cuts in food stamps. I'm holding my breath to see if that cut happens.
I think a constitutional challenge of both laws is in order, as they overreach the "general welfare" and "interstate commerce" powers.
The FDA & USDA already have plenty of clout, and will need more staff to oversee the new rules.
Much of the cost of the school meals will be borne by the states, many already in deficit.
Old Man Ribber - December 13, 2010 - Report this comment
If you only have time to read one author, then make sure it's Barry J. Mitchel...the Riot of the Right! ;D

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