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Song Parodies -> "Homer Is Harried By A 'Porn Thing'!"
Original Song Title:
"Get Me To The Church On Time"
Original Performer:
My Fair Lady - Stanley Holloway
Parody Song Title:
"Homer Is Harried By A 'Porn Thing'!"
Parody Written by:
TJC
The Lyrics
YouTube link to movie version HERE.
~
[HOMER SIMPSON, speaking boisterously to the regulars
in Moe's Tavern in an unintentionally ridiculous Cockney accent]
There's twinks n' girls all over the web
And I've gotta dodge 'em
For just a - few - more - decades!
Care to hear me woes n' D'Oh's?
Then start settin' 'em up, my good fellow!
[MOE, spoken]
How many you have on the way over, Homie?
[HOMER, sung half-in-the-bag]
I'm being harried by this 'porn thing'
Seems I look *just like* 'Horey Haim'
HE flaunts his 'whopper'
On sites improper
And people think I'm him most times!
[MOE, singing while surfing his laptop]
I'm checkin' hairy Horey's home page
Blimped up, that ape looks past his prime!
Chap claims his ding dong's
Up there with King Kong's
He looks like you but scores each time!
[HOMER]
Now if I'm shoppin'
His fans'll hound!
When I claim, "Not him!"
Smirking, they'll look down!
D'Oh,
Mums scream--their youngins I'm subornin'
Dads jeer, "*Its* Photoshopped big time!"
Transgender Sheila's
Just cop a feel'a
I'm trying to ignore...
[MOE]
Those chicks're too hardcore?
[HOMER]
For Pete's sake,
I'm sick of being Horey Haim!
* [ Insert ludicrously long n' overblown 'Interlude' here ] *
[CHORUS & MOE]
He's gettin' buried by this porn thing
"String thong" a thousand belles all mime {queue visuals}
[HOMER]
Some blokes are able
But my poor 'cable'
Was never meant for light this lime!
[KRUSTY]
Now when he's walkin'
Mom's hide their brats
[SIDESHOW BOB]
and if he's sunnin'
Freaks yell, "Where's your tats?"
[CHORUS]
Oh,
He's gotten wary of this porn thing--
Two lives co-minglin'--his n' Haim's!
[MOE]
Hore's a big 'tipper'
[HOMER]
But mine's more chipper:
I've found a girl who likes *me* fine! {points to Marge, in plain cloak n' bonnet}
This gal is Amish
Don't have a phone!
She's never heard of--
Horey's famous 'bone'!
[CHORUS {now clad in Amishesque Krusty The Clown suits}]
Oh,
He's gettin' married--gals are mornin'
Lancaster county they malign!
[HOMER]
Plain clothes--no zippers--
[MARGE]
Thwart Amish strippers!
[MOE]
So get him to the church...
[HOMER]
D'Ohn't leave me in the lurch!
[HOMER & CHORUS]
For Pete's sake,
keep me safely perched OFF-LINE!!
[HOREY, spoken in upper class British accent from behind the bushes]
Good riddance to an unhung zero!
~
[HOMER SIMPSON, speaking boisterously to the regulars
in Moe's Tavern in an unintentionally ridiculous Cockney accent]
There's twinks n' girls all over the web
And I've gotta dodge 'em
For just a - few - more - decades!
Care to hear me woes n' D'Oh's?
Then start settin' 'em up, my good fellow!
[MOE, spoken]
How many you have on the way over, Homie?
[HOMER, sung half-in-the-bag]
I'm being harried by this 'porn thing'
Seems I look *just like* 'Horey Haim'
HE flaunts his 'whopper'
On sites improper
And people think I'm him most times!
[MOE, singing while surfing his laptop]
I'm checkin' hairy Horey's home page
Blimped up, that ape looks past his prime!
Chap claims his ding dong's
Up there with King Kong's
He looks like you but scores each time!
[HOMER]
Now if I'm shoppin'
His fans'll hound!
When I claim, "Not him!"
Smirking, they'll look down!
D'Oh,
Mums scream--their youngins I'm subornin'
Dads jeer, "*Its* Photoshopped big time!"
Transgender Sheila's
Just cop a feel'a
I'm trying to ignore...
[MOE]
Those chicks're too hardcore?
[HOMER]
For Pete's sake,
I'm sick of being Horey Haim!
* [ Insert ludicrously long n' overblown 'Interlude' here ] *
[CHORUS & MOE]
He's gettin' buried by this porn thing
"String thong" a thousand belles all mime {queue visuals}
[HOMER]
Some blokes are able
But my poor 'cable'
Was never meant for light this lime!
[KRUSTY]
Now when he's walkin'
Mom's hide their brats
[SIDESHOW BOB]
and if he's sunnin'
Freaks yell, "Where's your tats?"
[CHORUS]
Oh,
He's gotten wary of this porn thing--
Two lives co-minglin'--his n' Haim's!
[MOE]
Hore's a big 'tipper'
[HOMER]
But mine's more chipper:
I've found a girl who likes *me* fine! {points to Marge, in plain cloak n' bonnet}
This gal is Amish
Don't have a phone!
She's never heard of--
Horey's famous 'bone'!
[CHORUS {now clad in Amishesque Krusty The Clown suits}]
Oh,
He's gettin' married--gals are mornin'
Lancaster county they malign!
[HOMER]
Plain clothes--no zippers--
[MARGE]
Thwart Amish strippers!
[MOE]
So get him to the church...
[HOMER]
D'Ohn't leave me in the lurch!
[HOMER & CHORUS]
For Pete's sake,
keep me safely perched OFF-LINE!!
[HOREY, spoken in upper class British accent from behind the bushes]
Good riddance to an unhung zero!
~
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User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Hilarious idea - thinking of Homer with a Cockney accent was enough to get me laughing before I even started reading it
Ludicrously long and overblown? Well, THIS is obviously autobiographical. Lyrically awesome and punny as always, especially since there's about 3 syllables per line and you always manage to milk what you're given. Uh. So to speak.
Absolutely hilarious!
Simpsonizing you fours...DOUGH>>>>Fives!!
Ay carumba! Another wonderful Simpson mini-operetta from TJC. Rest of the world - Eat My Shorts! ;D
I beg your pardon, Sir, but having been taught to be a lady by the famous Professor of the English Language with the allitterative initials, I fathom not such rude, crude, and vulgar fare. (But when he's not looking, I'm going upstairs to laugh me bloomin' arse off. Out of pity for your beggarly manners, have fifteen pence, and if I made it out of the gutter, you too can, Sir.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!
A fun jaunt thru your expertly crafted R rated version of that famous TV cartoon
Andy - Thanks much... that's pretty much what got me started!
Emi - You're too kind and too funny... eagerly awaiting *your* next Broadway-style masterpiece!
Mark - Appreciate it!
OMR - Thanks for the v & c... and is there a subtle hint in there letting me know it's time to find another cartoon family to spoof? (I'm open to suggestions!)
Ms Doolittle - Are you the 'Eternally-embittered-Julie-Andrews-who-originated-the-role-but-got-royally-screwed-out-of-the-movie-deal Eliza or the uber-beautiful-non-singer-starring-in-a-musical-for-the-ages Eliza? Either way, I surely thank you for your pence n' horse sence!
FG - Thank you kindly madam... with comments like that, why can't it be you on the street where I live?
AFW - Much appreciated, AF!
Emi - You're too kind and too funny... eagerly awaiting *your* next Broadway-style masterpiece!
Mark - Appreciate it!
OMR - Thanks for the v & c... and is there a subtle hint in there letting me know it's time to find another cartoon family to spoof? (I'm open to suggestions!)
Ms Doolittle - Are you the 'Eternally-embittered-Julie-Andrews-who-originated-the-role-but-got-royally-screwed-out-of-the-movie-deal Eliza or the uber-beautiful-non-singer-starring-in-a-musical-for-the-ages Eliza? Either way, I surely thank you for your pence n' horse sence!
FG - Thank you kindly madam... with comments like that, why can't it be you on the street where I live?
AFW - Much appreciated, AF!
Neither. I'm the one who actually *sung* the bloody thing.
Andrews was offered a screen test, but refused, so to 'ell with 'er and 'er 'embitterment.
You nailed Hepburn. Musical star who can't sing? WTF? And I remain chopped liver, despite an operatic voice that even a turtle could listen to for hours (and sing along with, with the windows closed, as his falsetto isn't so bad.)
Andrews was offered a screen test, but refused, so to 'ell with 'er and 'er 'embitterment.
You nailed Hepburn. Musical star who can't sing? WTF? And I remain chopped liver, despite an operatic voice that even a turtle could listen to for hours (and sing along with, with the windows closed, as his falsetto isn't so bad.)
Ms. 'Nixon' you say... I'm beginning to understand why 15 minutes of sound is missing from my VHS copy of MFL? Hmmmm.....
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