Your forehead looks like peeling-paint pig iron,
So from a face job you should never shirk.
You may not look like a sultry siren, but
Just a little nip and tuck, just a little nip and tuck--
Minimal bleeding surgery works.
With a little nip, with a little nip,
With a little nip and tuck, surgery works.

They'll score above your temple; an incision
Ever so slight will they make in the skin.
You'll believe you made the right decision--when
Just a little nip and tuck, just a little nip and tuck,
And you see you've got a brand-new chin.
With a little nip, with a little nip,
With a little nip and tuck--a brand-new chin.

Instruments may look like a harrow,
Or a drill bit with a big chuck or saw that bucks.
Although these implements look a bit scary,
They will give you a fine, fetching new look.
To get that fetching new look, do not tarry, with
Just a little nip and tuck, just a little nip and tuck,
You'll look like a chick in a skin book.
With a little nip, with a little nip.
With a little nip and tuck. . .like a skin book.
With a little nip, with a little nip,
With a little nip and smoothin' tuck.

Folks next door will think they have a new neighbor
When you come strolling back into your home.
That's when you'll know it was worth all the labor, yes
Just a little nip and tuck, just a little nip and tuck,
And you won't have to repay her loan.
With a little nip, with a little nip,
With a little nip and tuck, you won't be known.

But now don't go, my goodness, "Achoo!"
Or your fragile nip and tuck may run amok.
They might need a syringe filled with androgen
And inject directly into your snout.
The problem: that might make you an androgyne;
Then the little nip and tuck, then the little nip and tuck
Of your snout, like Michael's, might fall out.
Then the pit'll drip, then the pit'll drip;
A dripping pit will sit where once was your snout.
So don't tickle it, so don't tickle it,
Or you'll rip Rivers-like nip and tuck.

You will not have a penny in your pocket.
When you have paid the doc's bill, you won't eat,
But his work remade your face and unpocked it, so
With a little nip and tuck, with a little nip and tuck.
Next week he'll make more replete each teat.
With a little nip, with a little nip,
With a little nip and tuck, he'll move boobs up.
From a little tit, from a little tit,
From a little tit he'll boost it up.