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Song Parodies -> "Ass Hot To Trot ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 9 of 16)"

Original Song Title:

"Ascot Gavotte"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"Ass Hot To Trot ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 9 of 16)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

If you missed the start of our parody of the entire musical on Wednesday, September 30, 2009, please enjoy it in order!

Scene 1 is here.
Scene 2 is here.
Scene 3 is here.
Scene 4 is here.
Scene 5 is here.
Scene 6 is here.
Scene 7 is here.
Scene 8 is here.

In our last *really* exciting episode, Ms. DoFiddle and the Professor, both delirious over her delightful delivery and demonstrations of her dutiful diligence to the demanding didactic, dumbfoundedly discovered demselves denuded in de bed, deliciously devouring each other. Will dis saga continue, or will dis saga sag?

Ev’ry Luke and Earl is dear, but here
Is a Tur-tle who is without peer
Mattress thrashing, into headboard crashing
Nectar melting fast; our play, risqué

No abatement to the forces
Fating that we two should lie this way
Foreplay skipping, hurriedly unzipping
Momentary rashness; judgment gray

Pulse is ... rushing! Face is ... flushing!
Heartbeat ... speeds up! Steed, in-deed; he keeps his reed up!

Never reckoned how ... she would sin for fun!
Got her bells all ringing
She is springing forward- YESSSSS!
A-no-ther one!

[seconds go by—catching breath]

FG: (thinking)
What a frenzied session that was!
I could get accus-tomed to Tommy's pace

TT: (thinking)
Fiddle’s thrilling, passionate and willing;
How about tomorrow, at my place?

[They cuddle and rest for seven minutes] [1]

Man above all men!

Want another one?

What? Again, already?!

Thanks to head, he's horny!
-ie, one more, can!

Is this a lasting treasure, or just a moment's pleasure? Tonight, the light of love is in her eyes, but will she love him tomorrow? Correctly, words, she's written. And swears that he's the only one. But will his beak be bitten, when his tripe has once more begun? Tune in to our next exciting episode, and find out!

[1] The movie has a seven-minute interlude here before the song resumes. Also a reference to "The Seven Minutes" by Irving Wallace, © 1969, a fictional novel about the trial of an author of a book banned for obscenity; the novel deals with the fundamental issue of free speech vs. censorship. Wikipedia has a page on it, for more info and to grok the reference a little more deeply.

"Will You Love Me Tomorrow" © 1960 Gerry Goffin and Carole King; Scepter Records and successors. All else © 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Come on Tur-tle! Move your bloomin' arse! ;D
Timmy1000 - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
More exciting than the horse race scene from the movie. I was glad to see a "steed" did make it into your scene. your story is still flowing well.
Christie Marie M - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
(Applauds): Too hot to trot, all right! I echo all comments above! This is classic! Moving on to your next scene! 555 stars as usual!
TT - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: But I'm a Turtle! I can only crawl so fast, ya know! (LOL! :-D)

Timmy1000: ROFLMAO!!! Yeah, I would think so... was "flowing" yet another pun? ;) thanks "in-steed", Timmy!

Christie Marie M: Classic? Hmmm, I rather like the sound of that! ... so, it will be aired, AIR-ed, and taught in schools 50 or 400 years from now, like Shakespeare? Cool! :D Thanks, CMM!
Fiddlegirl - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
OMR: That's what TT is always saying to me, but I think he probably means something else by "blooming"... ;)

T1K: Ha! Quick and clever today... thanks for v/c! :D

CMM: Thank you!
@TT: I think we might actually be on the "banned" list... which would be a high honor! ;)
TJC - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Lowebrow indeed! Seems the arc of your story is, er, coming along nicely... I've never heard a Penthouse Forum letter as channeled by the Bard via The Great American Musical--but I like it, I like it--as you like it--even more than I dig Sally Fields! Many clever subs n' Vivid™ imagery!
Tommy Turtle - October 06, 2009 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl: "banned" -- in Boston? On the Bostonian banned list? Did you go to school in Boston, or something? (Don't answer that! :D)

TJC: LOL @ Loewebrow! Spinning in his grave at this very moment, no doubt! ... Followed ya all the way to The Flying Nun, then ya left the turtle crawling behind... 'splain? (WARNING -- "Vivid" NSFW, as TT just found out!)

Why do you think they call it "Broad" - way? ... don't forget the taming of the shrewish FG, to where she begged for more of TT's Bard-on! ..... thanks as always for v/uber-clever c!

btw, mnemonic TT devised for Loewe's name: it contains "ewe". Now, how could TT ever forget that? ... and no wonder he's an inspiration!
blackjack21 - October 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Quadruply good; wham, bam, thanks again. ;-D
TT - October 11, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21 : Lamb, Ram: Thank you, d*mn! :-)

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