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Song Parodies -> "Show Us (POTUS v. Minerals Management Service and BP)"

Original Song Title:

"Show Me"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"Show Us (POTUS v. Minerals Management Service and BP)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The most interesting twist in the apparently never-ending BP saga, at least until the next interesting twist: The U.S. Minerals Management Service manages the nation's natural resources on the outer continental shelf, including Alaska, the Gulf of Mexico, and the Pacific Ocean. It is responsible for inspection and oversight of energy companies to ensure they are following the law and protecting the safety of their workers and the environment, including reviewing permit applications, ensuring adequate emergency preparedness, and ongoing inspections for compliance.

Fun fact: From its collection of royalties on these leases, it is one of the largest revenue sources to the federal government, after the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).

Well, surprise, surprise, surprise! It seems that the Agency has been embroiled in scandal virtually since its inception. In 1990, Bureau employees were linked (so to speak ;) to prostitutes, and it was discovered *in 2008* that "employees participated in drug use and sexual activity with employees from the very energy firms they were to be regulating." (TT expects that the energy firms' "employees" were employed only for the night.) Recently, that's turned into "cocaine and sex parties", courtesy of the oil folks.

The payback: Permits issued without review; without seeing, much less approving, preparedness plans; and allowing the oil companies to sign their own inspection reports -- presumably so that Bureau employees wouldn't have to leave their sex party to go out on some smelly oil rig.

President Obama reacted swiftly and strongly to these things that were known for twenty and for two years, respectively: He changed the name of the department, to the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement. Problem solved! Next problem ....

Uh, sorry, Mr. Pres, but actually, we'd prefer a little more action than that. Something like this:


Creeps! I've done plenty of mud-slinging
I feel like wringing
Tony's neck on yacht
I'm such a kick-ass! Hear me rumble
And roar and grumble
People, I'm so ....


Words, words, words! Look, Barack, you turd --
Casting blame at "that louse"
'Cause the spill, they can't douse
Now, why don't you clean your own house?

Permits too loose ... From MMS --
-- Led to this mess? Blow up!
Part of your team: Up to their necks:
Cocaine and sex? Throw up!

Bureaucrats are bedding with the oil guys all night
Don't make a speech; root out this blight
Anyone who's taking bribes, neglecting oversight
Lock up in prison real tight

Fire their butts! Don't change their name
End to their game: Stop it! "Cop" it!
Leadership, show; Clean up this cess
Can you say, "Yes, We Can" now"?
Shooooow .... us how!

Don't bend our ears; black is the Shelf
Clean it yourself -- mop it!
No good: your staff'; no good at all
Having a "ball"! Pop it!

Never do inspections, 'cause erections: top of list
(Not of the steel, but of their jissed)
Had they done their jobs, no globs: the waters still would gleam
But hollow words make us scream!

Find fine folks fair, not "hands in till":
Watching the drill: Owe us! Show us!
Don't prattle on, reading your lines
Get them long jail terms and fines
Shoooow...... us nowwwww!!!!!

A nod to Fiddlegirl, primary author of our joint effort, "Blow Me" , part of our parody of the entire musical, "My Fair Lady", for unknowingly inspiring this choice of OS. The subject cried for a parody, and when you get the perfect OS, the words come easily. These came in 50 minutes.

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   10

User Comments

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Guy - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah, it's another play of "Smoke on the Water". Or should I say smoke and mirrors. If POTUS moved any faster on all of these issues we'd have to elevate his condition to comatose. Well put TT.
Mark Scotti - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
It should be a part of their diets until it's gone!!!
Fiddlegirl - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Ah yes-- So many photo ops, so little time... The law? What a quaint notion-- particularly for this administration. Nevertheless, we all hope for the best, don't we? Well done, TT.
Tommy Turtle - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Guy: LOL @ condition! .. thanks for v/c.

Mark Scotti: Great idea! They let it happen; they eat it -- literally! I love it!!!

Fiddlegirl: Well, you have to remember the lifespan of turtles -- we come from that quaint era when the law mattered. So difficult to adjust.... I gave up hope a long time ago, mostly when it became a campaign phrase (proof that it's invalid ;) ... thanks for v/c/i (indirect inspiration).
sLoewe Lerner - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Excellent lambpooning to this jailormade breakneck OS with nothing "too loose" in the pacing department! Gushin' gallons of rapier rhyme in sly-am-slick turtameter!
Too-Loose Lautrec - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
sLoewe Lerner: They're trying as hard as they can to stop the gushing, but it seems TT keeps on writing anyway.... thanks for v/c!
Christie Marie M - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Nice to add this BP saga to the mix! Hope this disaster would be resolved soon enough! Also nice to hear another Fair Lady parody for this one! 555s! I'm thinking about writing about BP myself!
Warren Baker - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
You know the first thing I thought of was the famous "lipstick on a pig" comment. Wait a minute... Lipstick is a petroleum product. And petroleum products come out of the ground. And coffee must be ground before it's used. And used is how I felt when my prom date wanted me only for my car. And cars run on gasoline. And gasoline smells bad. And pigs smell bad. I don't think this is a coincidence.
There was a thought here, but I seem to have misplaced it. Oh, 5's. That's the one. 5's.
John Jenkins - June 25, 2010 - Report this comment
I agree that Lerner and Lowe did provide some excellent OS's for us parodists to work with, and you did it well. It is hard to believe that the more power that is given to a federal agency, the more that agency abuses the power.

I suppose that I can guess what "jissed" means, but I was not familiar with the term.
Tommy Turtle - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Christie Marie M: Thank you, my fair lady!

Warren Baker: You know, Obama's quite the actor. And Tommy Turtle used to be an actor. And another Tom is an actor - Tom Hanks. Oh, and that's my thought: T.-hanks!
emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; Having severe ADD myself (and also severe SUBTRACT), I followed your train of thought all the way to the station with ease. Scary, huh?

John Jenkins: Could it be any other way, actually? "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely" -- Lord Acton. [1[
emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; Gramatically and strictly speaking, the word in question was not used properly (for a word that's improper in the first place). As written, it's a past-tense verb, as per the -ed ending, without which it's either a noun or a verb, the verb meaning to do with the noun what the well does with the oil. (And many spelling variations thereof.) It's used here as an adjective modifying, by implication, the noun before it, which very properly refers, among other things, to the erection of steel structures, like skyscraper frames, oil well framework, etc. So this distinguishes which of the two meanings of that word is being referenced: that of which it can be said that this verb happened.
emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; emsp; It's always gratifying when you approve of my parodic efforts; it's a plus to feel that I've contributed linguistically also. Should you need further clarificaiton, you have my e-mail address, but I promise not to be crushed should you not ask. (smile). Thanks for v/c.

[1] Full context, fully valid today as in 1870, and "well"-kept in mind:

"I cannot accept your canon that we are to judge Pope and King unlike other men with a favourable presumption that they did no wrong. If there is any presumption, it is the other way, against the holders of power, increasing as the power increases. Historic responsibility has to make up for the want of legal responsibility. Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority: still more when you superadd the tendency or certainty of corruption by full authority. There is no worse heresy than the fact that the office sanctifies the holder of it."
TT @ Warren - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Where's the screen whiteout (or preview or edit button) when you need it? Those were supposed to be paragraph indents, but a missing character .... this character is missing something, all right. ... "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." (Unknown author; seen on bumper sticker)
WarrenB - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
@TT- :-D
I must say, I was feeling a bit Beck-ish when I wrote that... I'll contact Ms. Nesmith to see if she can loan you some white out, maybe help you stop monkeeing around with inadvertent text!
AFW - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Although he's on shaky jury is still out on Obama, but technically, thiis parody is slick work..fine spoofing
Old Man Ribber - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
Amazing! Well thought out, well executed...but most amazing of trace of the one bomber! ;D
Andy P - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
LOL @ never do inspections line - & agree with fines/prison for those on the take
Tommy Turtle - June 26, 2010 - Report this comment
AFW: The fact that you've even convened a jury says a lot, as I know you were a supporter -- he *did* talk the talk very well during the campaign. Yep, walking the walk is on ever-shakier ground, all right. Thanks for v/c and an open mind.

Old Man Ribber: Don't give anyone any ideas! ... but how exactly does one come out *in favor* of Gov regulators taking bribes, esp. of illegal drugs and illegal (paid-for) sex? ... as per AFW's comment, denial is getting almost as sticky and messy as degulf. Thanks for v/c.
Tommy Turtle - June 27, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy P: Sorry that we cross--posted yesterday, and I didn't know of your comment. Thanks for the heads-up at the other song. ... thanks for citing one of the author's fave lines, too, and yeah, you have to wonder why the POTUS isn't cracking down on the bent regulators, who allowed this to happen, instead of putting 100% of it on BP.

It's occurred to me:: Does the fact that it"s *British* Petroleum make a difference? Would he have acted any differently if a US-based firm were the one? Just asking .... (Foreign devils -- even if close allies -- are always easier to use for scapegoats. As per TT's first song on the topic, which you've v/c'd, Goldman Sachs, AIG, and other US firms were far more incompetent than BP for a longer period of time, and probably criminal in some cases. But they got the big bailout bucks... )

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