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Song Parodies -> "What Font Of English Taught Sar' Palin How To Speak? (Non-Partisan)"

Original Song Title:

"Why Can't The English (Teach Their Children ...)?"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"What Font Of English Taught Sar' Palin How To Speak? (Non-Partisan)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Caught the full-hour interview of Sarah Palin on the Glen Beck show last night. ***Completely disregarding the political agree/disagree for now***, TT was amazed at the improvement in such matters as speaking a complete, coherent sentence without rambling. So this is TT speaking, not as political pundit, but as the grammarian and elocutionist Prof. Henry H. Turtle in "My Fair Fiddlegirl".

TOMMY: [spoken]
Look at her: a former politician
Condemned for forlorn formal erudition
Last night, such sweet suprises Sarah sung
If not gold-studded, further in the English tongue

SARAH: [spoken, modestly]

TOMMY: [spoken]
Listen, girls and boys!
'08: Miss Wasilla's poor oration
Cost Sir John McCain his electation!

SARAH: [spoken, apologetically]
Low-rate... He really missed it with his gamble

TOMMY: [spoken]
He did.

Listen as she takes the stand
Droppin' "g"s an' "d" in "and"
Hear her speak; pronunciation: dreck!
Sarah, whaddja learn at school?

SARAH: [spoken]
Readin' an' huntin'; Golden Rule

TOMMY: [spoken]
So much better last night on Glen Back!

Hear her sentences, complete:
Subject, object, verb: replete
Unlike with Katie Couric -- What was *that*? [1]
Speaking South Alaskan drawl
Just like this one:

-- "Y'all!"

But last night, Sarah Palin knocked me flat

It's Tina Fey who put her in her place
Elocution, thought TT: disgrace

Much better English, Sarah Palin now does speak
Not knowing; hesitation? No more of phrase oblique
If you spoke in '08, Ma'am
As did on the Glen Beck show
Why, *you* might be VP 'stead of Joe

SARAH: [whispered, discretely]
(I made your hard-on, Sir?)

A candidate's way of speaking: perceived truthly, or as liar
When O-bama talked, he made some voters think him a Messiar
Straight-talking language, I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't our leaders
Set a good example to people whose gaffe-ings so painfully bring jeers?
"Barack's light-skinned Negro accent disappears" [2]
"Be bringing our coffee", said Clinton, "back just a couple years" [3]
Why, in America, an honest pol ne'er appears

I'd like to meet the one: taught Sarah: speak so well
Agreed with proposition: Should co-host SNL
By chance, if the network lets them: Ratings for NBC [4]
(They said they'd make fun of themselves, actually
(And Sarah would pronounce it properly) [5]

The lady's elabiation in the campaign's summer: fright'ning
In eighteen months, go forward: said some things: astute; enlight'ning
Progress in English: I'd regard it as unique
No longer ailin'
Who taught Ms. Palin ...
Good ... technique?

Some genius English teacher: hours, must have drilled:
Don't end with preposition: "..upon", said, "which to build" [6]
If she speaks as she does now, instead of her former selve [7]
Why, you'd best all watch out: 2012 [8]

Who taught coherence, syntax, grammar not awry?
Who taught Ms. Palin?
Greatly "up-scale-in'"? [9]
Truth: 'Twas I!

[1] The widely-replayed 2008 interview with Katie Couric, with a lot of rambliling, incompleted sentences, obviously attempting to cover up the lack of a good answer. (Much like Teddy Kennedy's first press conference after Chappaquiddick.)

[2] If you just came in from Mars, Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid was revealed to have said during the 2008 POTUS campaign that then-candidate Obama was good because he was "a light-skinned African-American who doesn't have a Negro dialect, except when he wants to." (That's bad enough, but wasn't it Hillary Clinton who tried to affect an African-American "accent" when she spoke in Selma, Alabama?)

[3] Also while you were on Mars, it was revealed that former POTUS Bill Clinton said of Obama during the '08 campaign, "A few years back, he'd have been bringing us all our coffee."

[4] Host Glen Beck made a public offer to NBC, the rival network on which "Saturday Night Live" runs, to let Ms. Palin and himself co-host the show one night. He predicted it would boost ratings (probably correct, IMHO, regardless of the viewer's motive); NBC in general is at the bottom of the ratings among the four major US television networks.

[5] As part of the above offer, Beck promised that he would save the staff the trouble of making fun of him by making fun of himself, frequently. Palin said she, too, would poke tons of fun at herself. Best idea: Beck said that Palin should do an impersonation of then-famous Palin-impersonator Tina Fey. Now, *that* would be funny. :)

[6] I don't remember the whole sentence, because TT The Grammarian was stunned to hear Palin say, "upon which to build" vs. the usual "to build on". *Somebody's* been TuToring her...

[7] "Selve" is perfectly correct according to Chaucer, the greatest literary figure of medieval England. So there.
(kidding! ... just poetic license, or "licence", as Chaucer would have said. :-)

[8] Non-partisan advice to all candidates: Never underestimate your adversary, whether in the primaries (same party) or general election (opposing parties). This is not the same person as eighteen months ago. You heard it here first.

[9] An irresistible pun, as will be seen very shortly. Sorry.

As for *what* she said: sometimes agreed, sometimes disagreed -- but she's still one of the hottest MILFs around, and if ya missed those black leather spike-heeled thigh-high boots ... catch the re-run. :)

Sorry for the rough "rush job". Saw the late-night interview and knocked out the parody in about 90 minutes, plus footnotes, etc. © 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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User Comments

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Mark Scotti - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Das Rite! De Shure shood teech englipsh, doncha no!!! $555 fo leasons.....
Michael Pacholek - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Good show, old man. Now, what the devil did I do with my slippers... Actually, it wasn't Palin who cost McCain the election. It was her followers, still operating under the delusion that conservatism works, setting up the disaster we fell into these last 30 years.
@ Michael Pacholek: Make That 97 Years - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment

Fiddlegirl - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
And just *what* is the matter with "y'all"? It's a perfectly proper pronoun, Sir! ;)

Seriously, quite the entertaining commentary... I'm almost sorry I missed the show. Almost. LOL @ "Messiar" and "Droppin' "g"s an' "d" in "and"

And pay no attention to that man behind the curtain up there. Even if the comment made any sense at all, *he's* still operating under the delusion that it matters beans to anyone.
AFW - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
I wish someone would drop me a "G"....Good job TT
TJC - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
AIR's own Helluva Shell indubitably gets it 'Right'! Bravo... all other Saradies Palin comparison!
Tommy Turtle - January 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti, Michael Pacholek, MPMT97Y, thanks.

Fiddlegirl: Somehow, I just *knew* you were going to say that., y'all. ;). ... and TMBTC missed the point of the (non-partisan) song anyway (surprise!), so ... Thanks for v/c.

AFW: But they're now saying the G-spot doesn't exist... (TT knows better, of course) Thanks.

TJC: Great idea if NBC accepts the offer! "Saradies Night Live"! ... thanks for v/c!
Christie Marie M - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Great Fair Lady parody since "My Fair Fiddlegirl ", but this time it's a scene between you and Sarah Palin. This should belong in the musical "My Fair Palin", no? I echo all comments above! Great as always, Turtle! 555 stars for this one!
Old Man Ribber - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment
To paraphrase Candidate Obama, you can put lipstick on a "Pygmallion" but you still have... Great work, TT and FG ;D
Tommy Turtle - January 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Christie Marie M: I love it! "My Fair Palin" ... great idea! Thanks for vc!

Old Man Ribber: LOL, but with all due respect to my sometimes-partner, please note the name (singular) at the top of the page, next to "Parody Written By". In other worlds, I'm afraid that I have to shoulder all the blame for this one. ;) [1]

[1] The show comes on rather late at night in Turtleville, and FG, unlike TT, has enough sense to hit the Sachs at a reasonable hour. Wanted to have it post the next day, so there wasn't time for collab here. Thanks for v/c!

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