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Song Parodies -> "Let Me Do My Own Darn Rhyme ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 13 of 16)"

Original Song Title:

"Get Me To The Church On Time"

Original Performer:

My Fair Lady: Lerner / Loewe

Parody Song Title:

"Let Me Do My Own Darn Rhyme ('My Fair Fiddlegirl', Scene 13 of 16)"

Parody Written by:

Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

If you missed the start of our parody of the entire musical on Wednesday, September 30, 2009, please enjoy it in order!

Scene 1 is here.
Scene 2 is here.
Scene 3 is here.
Scene 4 is here.
Scene 5 is here.
Scene 6 is here.
Scene 7 is here.
Scene 8 is here.
Scene 9 is here.
Scene 10 is here.
Scene 11 is here.
Scene 12 is here.

In our last exciting episode, Ms. DoFiddle inveighed against the inveighsion -- uh, invasion -- by Professor Turtle of her boundaries, dignity, and self-esteem, and Chucked his challenges right back at him, demanding to be an equal partner rather than the menial mentee of her tor(toise)-mentor.

When he balked, she walked.

Now, she finds solace in the sympathetic support of her many fervent fans at AmIRight, as she tells her tales of tribulation, torture-lation, and Turtulation.

TT’s pedantics are quite boring
Close-ly dissecting, ev’ry time
I’ve come a-cropper
He’s found a whopper
Just let me do my own darn rhyme!

Luck-y he cannot see me snoring
Too long, his comments re: my “crimes”
But too polite, me,
To tell him “Bite me!”
Just let me do my own darn rhyme!

Errors of scansion
He will deplore
If no elisions,
Pacing is a chore

Four, five, long treatises each morning
Take ev'ry minute of spare time
“Rex Lex Triumphus”
But no social compass
Just let me do my own…

Let her do her own!

For Pete’s sake, let me do my own darn rhyme!

While rest of country is “Bon Jour”-ning
I’m searching shelves for iodine
Latest e-dissing—
Who needs his p***ing?
Just let me write my own darn rhyme!

I’m really tryin’
Just shoots me down
Butt always chewin’
Dogs me like a hound!

No fine line of mine escapes his scorning
Ding-Dong! (Could call him worse, but I’m—
-- Too much a lady...
No language shady!)
But let me do my own...
Can’t I do my own?
Please, Tom-my, let me do my own darn rhyme!

Fault-finding, each mistake, recording
No song is safe from Turtle’s slime

(Moron!) Flaming invective
Pompous directive
Just let me do my own darn rhyme!

He doesn’t know that ev’ry morning,
She’s steamed and lookin’ for a fight!

Com-ments derisive
Drip from each missive
Just let me do my own darn write!

“Your pacing’s rancid”
“Your jokes are poor”
“Hey, Fid, you list'nin’?”
Rotten to the core!

Our sweet Fiddlegirl… he’s past reforming
Sad story seen a dozen times

Need drugs or whiskey
Op-pose him? Risky…
Might leave me in the lurch-

Her good rep, besmirch

But I still need to work my own darn rhymes!

[musical interlude]

Gone: we'd not miss him
We'd like to bris him
Just leave alone this lass, sublime

[musical interlude]

If he resists us
We’ll tell him “Kiss us…
… Well, let’s say, ‘where the Sun don’t shine’!”

She's always cryin':
He puts her down
Hiss! Hiss! We're boo-in'
Get rid of this clown!

Still, he’s a male, two heads adjoining
Play “gender” card, might change his mind!

Got Parton’s “table”?
Legs like B. Grable?
Or Palin’s features, lines "just fine"?

[musical interlude]

[much more slowly]
Let’s get him smashed, and off to bed, now
Help Fiddlegirl play trick so sly
Shots, whoopee-makin’
No pris’ners taken
With sun, Tom "hung" [1]
Songs free ... to fly!

With shell mosaics, walls adorning
So long to Tommy—Fiddle’s primed!

[gradually resuming original tempo]
T.-Teevil, purging,
From chrys’lis emerging,
Because you let her write

Fin'lly got to write!

From now on, Fid will do her own ... darn ... rhymes!

Uh-oh. There's trouble. Right here in Writer City. Turtle -- with a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for -- Professor. How will the Professor react to *this*? Tune in to our next exciting episode, and find out!

[1] "hung"(-over), of course. But... (cough)...

© 2009 Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Death to the "Shaw"! ;D
alvin - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
RIGHT ON ! ...especially liked the table / grable rhyme
TJC - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
No Sweat 'F.' 'T.', You're In Your Prime!!

Finally, TT, the absolutely perfectly insightful couplet emerges: “Rex Lex Triumphus” / But no social compass ! Too funny, esp. in light of the delusional (?) 'hung' play!

And FG, "from chrys'lis emerging" indeed! So perfectly crafted from start to end, one begins to doubt the whole play's premise!

Owwwww...Good on ya, Guvs! Here in Hereford, we can hardly h'wait for the huge finale--
Christie Marie M - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
(Applauds): Quite a good show! Goes to show that Eliza won't play second "fiddle" to Prof. Turtle! The prof is very critical, especially when it comes to parody writing! Hmmmm...I always thought it took two to tango, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Looking forward to see how the Prof would act. Moving on to the next. 555 stars! Great performance to you both!
John Barry - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm going to carry you no fourings; big son is going to get some fives.
Timmy1000 - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Another masterful addition to the story. Some great lines in "we'd like to bris him" and "kiss us" "where the sun don't shine" really show the irritated DoFiddle.
Fiddlegirl - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
OMR: Hehe... the Prof has made Eliza's life a living shell! ;)

Alvin: Oooooh-- Caps! I was hoping the reference to Grable wouldn't be lost. Isn't she the one whose legs were insured for $1 million?

TJC: You are too, too kind!

CMM: We tried the tango once, but it was a tad awkward, as you might imagine. ;) Thanks for applause/v/c!

John: :D

T1K: What a nice compliment-- we hope the characters became "real" in the songs :)
Not much to add, buTT... - October 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: I tried to tell FG, "Ayatollyah so", but when she threw a frying pan, I-ran. :)

Props to TJC and John Barry for answering in matching rhyme and scansion :D (John, assume "big son" was intended "big song"? No one's supposed to know about FG being PG ... oops!)

Ditto applause to alvin for the Grable couplet -- a product of the "Fertile" (see above, heh heh) FG.

TJC: As above, I cannot tell a lie -- well, I can, but won't. All three lines you so kindly cited were FG's own. (Actually, most of this song was -- as you can imagine, by this point she was rather motivated, and probably not joking :D ) ... although the footnote was ... naah, you guess ;)

Christie Marie M: TT's flippers get tangoed up too easily... hard to dance. Thanks as always!

Timmy1000: Yet *again*, as per above, "All of the credit goes to --- you! "(indicating FG) ... for those lines, and many others.
blackjack21 - October 10, 2009 - Report this comment

Awesome, my fave so far. Lots of great lines. I *love* when the F'girl does her own darn write.

But, what I want to know: hu-bris the Prof? ;-)
Socraturtes and KeaTTs - October 11, 2009 - Report this comment
blackjack21: No one. *Now* do you finally understand why turtles have shells? ;-D ... too bad you poor homo saps don't! ..... A Pride of thanks to your for your Agon-izing comment. You are ode a Grecian urn. ... What's a Grecian urn? About five drachmas a day.

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