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Song Parodies -> "StuartLacksAFracturedStypticNeckBleedsAndAin'tClos"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Mary Poppins

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Martin Landau, as Bela Lugosi, calls Edward Wood (Johnny Depp) "Eddie" in "Ed Wood."
Gives his neck a little nick,
And quickly it is roseate.*
The blade is shavin' too rough
So gashed, in trash he throws it.

Ouch! Nick it, nick it, nick it, throw it away,
Ouch! Nick it, nick it, nick it, throw it away.

He started shaving once a week
When he was just a lad
Now when the red rivulets leak,
He's glad there is no Vlad,
The type of guy who might be stirred
By those cheek-rosy flows.
It rains, 'cause his razor was burred,
Just like a bleeding nose. So

The styptic stick does the trick,
Now to air he'll expose it.
The stick splits and, too, is rough,
Thus cracked, in trash he throws it.

But travel, travel, travel does he, away,
But travel, travel, travel does he, away.

He flew halfway around the world,
To Romania went.
And then one night--note: night, not day--
He met a dapper gent,
Who schmoozed like Martin Landau
Saying to Johnny, "Eddie."
Like Bela, too, he purred his words,
But he was no pussy. Bat!

And in due time, he is bit--
The gent's not hemophobic.
He swills till he's filled enough;
Vlad's glad when he Type-O's it.

Blood dribbles, dribbles, dribbles, dribbles away,
Blood dribbles, dribbles, dribbles, dribbles away.

Now Stu must stay out of the sun
And shun the light of day.
At sundown, like a bird,
(Bat, actually) he flies away.

So you had best tread carefully
When you light out at night,
'Cause when Stu's lips drip spit and curl,
He'll bite and take your life.

Teethed: StuartGashesFragileSkinLicksNeckBleedsAndSwigsGlobin,
StuartGashesFragileSkinLicksNeckBleedsAndSwigsGlobin (3x)

*two syllables

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   5

User Comments

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AFW - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Another great lyrical switch to a difficult, long titled song..fives
alvin rhodes - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
wondrous wordplay to be sure
Royce Miller - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
That's easy for you to say.
Agrimorfee - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
OK Mr. Barry, you are realllly reaching now. No more, please! :)
Stephen Harrington - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
555, wow, you really like doing parodies of this song, don't you? Ain't nothing wrong with that though.
John Barry - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, AFW, Alvin, Royce, Agrimorfee (end of the line) Stephen
Johnny D - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
GET HELP, JB. 555 ;-)

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