The ad tells you, you can get a brand-new tan, now.
(Just $6.80 for this mocha lotion!)
And you bite even though it is clearly a scam, now.
(Just $6.80 for this mocha lotion!)

It says you won't blister and will look Hamiltony.
(Oh, by the way, remember—shipping isn't free.)
Put some on, some on—mocha lotion's kinda slimy.
You put some on your hips, now. This is crazy:
Your rump turns black. Don't let it seep into your crack!

Right after you rub it in, you're in great pain, now.
(Your skin's crazing from this mocha lotion.)
Feels like you touched the boiler of an old steam train, now.
(Your skin's blazing from this mocha lotion.)

Now your skin is peeling just like a parchment scroll,
And it looks like an old shoe with a scuffed heel and sole.
Get it off, it off! Mocha lotion drives you crazy!

[Screaming sax solo!]

You writhe on the floor in a loco motion.
(Welts are raisin' from the mocha lotion.)
You didn't even make it out to the ocean.
(No sun rays enhance the mocha lotion.)

You will not get a tan in the emergency room.
If the skin grafts take, doctor's will know by noon.
Turn it off, it off. Don't buy lotion seen on TV!