Pies, pies, a delicacy that you chew,
Pies, pies—my face I smear with filling goo.
Tears, tears—I shed them after I am through;
Beers, beers—I solace myself with some brew.

I weigh a lot, but I’m happy,
As contented as a cow.
Pies, pies,
More tasty than tarts.

I’d upset the apple cart, girl
To get the fruit used to bake
Those deep and sweet crusty marvels
That every day I make.

Pies, pies, from them I’ll never turn away,
Pies, pies—I’d rather have them than a lay.
I weigh a lot—not big-boned, me;
I’m up to 500 pounds.
Pies, pies—I’d break the A. cart.

I’m trying to do my part, girl,
To help the markets each day.
The growers call me a star, girl;
For their goods, much I pay.

Pies (yum!), pies—yum, tasty!
My feeding can’t be kept at bay;
Pies, pies, are gonna make me flat [broke] some day.

I weight a lot, and I only
Stand 3-foot-six off the ground!
Pies, pies, more tasty than tarts
Oh so tasty, yum! Bakin’ to start,
Oh yeah, I’m filled, breaking apart scales. . .fall apart.