He's never up in the morning
Or any time the sun shines.
He's ready to roam at nine-thirty,
And he'll drain you every time,
'Cause his world is built 'round puncturing your veins
Until you flail.

It tastes oh so good,
He quaffs it like wine,
He'll make you unhealthy
And you won't like the sunshine.
He's an unreflected man who bites down,
Chewin' your neck; his thing's consanguinity.

If you're at a tea and meet him,
Ask for a cup from the maid.
Stir the liquid with a crucifix--
Does he recoil to the shade
And gives nasty looks, like he is ill?
Then he is a sanguine man.

He feels not so good,
And he starts to whine,
He never looked healthy,
Now his eyes are oozing slime.
He's a genuflected man and he's down,
Even though he's vexed by Christianity.

Now you must be on your guard--
Let the cross hang 'round your chest,
Show a mirror to this pest,
And make him a garlic nest.
It won't do you any good to shoot;
Stake his heart; he'll pass on.

That would be so good,
That would be so fine,
But he's oh so stealthy
And escapes through window blinds.
He's an unreflected man who bites down,
Doing the next sink of teeth clandestinely.

Wants to lock on an au pair,
His neighbor, her name is Janet.
The gorge on that girl next door--
He is dying to get at it.
Well, technically he's already dead,
So I metaphorically state.

She tastes oh so good,
He quaffs her like wine,
He makes her unhealthy,
Now she too shuns the sunshine.
She's an unreflected woman; bites down
On the kids' necks in the conservatory.