SPOKEN:
This is a guy lacking a soul.[1] He escapes from the East. . .to the West Coast city of Santa Rosa sallied, crazed, he—Santa Rosans now potentially threatened. For him, a new crisis has arisen. Detectives[2] who possess police authority have followed the man all the way to Santa Rosa, seeking the proof that they lack. . .need substantiation that he is the one who has made deceased widows and then made off with all their stolen loot.


Well, let me tell you the story of a man named Charlie;
Who’s a cad and disgraceful stain.
He arrives—dough in his pocket—at his sister’s[3] family home
To become his niece’s[4] bane.

Oh it’s a wretched return, yes the wretch has returned,
And his niece, “Charlie,” will learn:
He was a neck-stretcher in the East, near Boston.
Wish this man had never returned.

“Charlie” figures, over time, it’s mendacious narration
From this strange man causing her pain.
She confronts him and debunks him, then he’s in a pickle.
So he’s gotta leave on a train.

He says he’ll never return, no, he’ll never return—
That’s mendacious, as she’ll learn.
They will ride together, then the creep will toss her
To hit land and never return.

The ride is long as they glide past the station;
She thinks, “What will become of me?
Because quite soon aboard there will be just one Charlie
And I think it will just be he!”

She fears she’ll never return, no she’ll never return,
And her fate will stay unlearned.
They will ride together, then the creep will toss her
To hit land and never return.

“Charlie”’s life rebounds ’cause her uncle’s narration
Distracted him, and then he flew
Out of the open window—and he’s a Charlie sandwich. . .
Southbound train comes rumbling through.

Well, will he ever return? No he’ll never return
And his ways remain unlearned.
No his ride had ended, his sis thought she lost him,
A “great man” who’ll never return.

Now you dimwit Santa Rosans are not limned ’bout the scandal
’cause the creep is put out of his pain.
Crime might’ve there increased; widows could be dyin’,
But your Charlie just fell off the train.

Well, will he ever return, no he’ll never return
And his ways remain unlearned.
No his ride had ended, his sis thought she lost him,
A great man who’ll never return.

A strange man who’ll never return
Stranglin’ man will never return.

Crazed dude, Charlie.


[1]Uncle Charlie, a charming sociopath, as played by Joseph Cotten (Sam Flusky in “Under Capricorn”; three roles in “Alfred Hitchcock Presents”), the “Merry Widow” strangler, who goes to Santa Rosa to hide out with his sister and her family. He is a suspect in several murders of widows, but is cleared when the other suspect dies and the case is closed. . .until his niece learns the truth, for which he tries several times to kill her.
[2]MacDonald Carey, Wallace Ford
[3]Charlie’s sister, Emma, as played by Patricia Collinge, who had four roles in “Alfred Hitchcock Presents”
[4]Charlotte (“Charlie”) Newton, as played by Theresa Wright