There's a bumper crop of great parodies, today...and yours is definitely in that harvest...fives

He will be blessed to find a brilliant & creative writer like you, Arwen!

happy hunting....brilliant parody...5s

555. You're demanding. My only two criteria are "alive" and "not comatose." And my life is still lonesome-orama... :-( "When he fights vampires he never gets bitten." Yeah, you gotta have one of those "never-gets-bitten-by-vampires-while-fighting-them" types. But when he doesn't FIGHT vampires he might get bitten anyway. Or are you implying that he should always have garlic breath? ;-)

Poutstanding.

And, of course, I second leo jay's comment .... ;-)

Very funny here, Arwen! Great job, lots of good lines....555

Seven straight comments from...guys? Coincidence...I think not. You have so many potential suitors on this site alone, babe...you can afford to be fussy. 555

Well, Arwen, I counted up all the items and then tabulated my score...I tallied about 8 of out the 30...would that be good enough?...No? Well, then I guess I'll just give you 5's anyway for this really well-done & whimsical wish-list ~ ~ ~

Guess that lets me out... but I'll forgive you.

AFW...Thanks a bunch, buddy. Not only do I appreciate your comment...but for some reason, I love the phrase "bumper crop." Yes, I know...I'm a nerd. =)

Johnny...Well isn't that sweet? And you're damned straight he will...; ) Thank you!

Alvin...You know, I really do enjoy the hunt...I've yet to find out if I enjoy the kill, though...since I haven't found my trophy yet...=) Thanks!

YAD...=) I'm sure your current status of lonesome-orama resident has more to do with your high standards than you'll admit. I mean, I find it hard to believe that you don't have the ladies all queued up on your doorstep...=) Or, at least, I'm sure you will one of these days...thanks!

Leo...=) Thanks, sir!

Johnny...I know you do...=)

Rick...thanks a bunch...I appreciate it...=)

Kristof...Hee! You know I agree with you. I've lived my whole life being picky...and look how great I've turned out...I see no need to change now...; ) Thanks!

Paul...Well, if one were to consider my desire for an 'A' student, he'd need to get 27 out of 30 to get a 90%. Rethinking, however, I've decided that, considering that I got my fair share of them in college, 'Bs' are more than acceptable...and I've also decided to give 20 extra credit points to anyone who matches the Vin Diesel criteria...so I think that evens the field out a little bit...; ) Thanks very much...=)

Michael...I've been through the list 84 times, and I've narrowed your shortcoming down to one of two things...either you REALLY like poodles, or you scream like a girl whenever you see a bee. Dammit.

And for all of you...as I am among friends, I'll tell you a secret...if you promise to keep your mouths shut...

Through my experience, I've realized that I can easily transform ANY guy into being 10 times cuter than Vin if he can make me laugh and tells me how cute I am every day. The only non-negotiable thing on the list would have to be the loving me while covered in marinara...because, to be honest...we all know that's not gonna change...

Aewen this is one of your best. Three shing gold 5's.

Witty parodies are one of my favorite things. 555

that is out and out and out hilarious - I had 4 lines saved to refer to by line 8 - just your titles are hilarious, but this even outdid the title
sadly, three strikes and I'm out of the semis by line 4, but one day you're gonna find that non-splashing, un-vampire-biteable dreamboat - you go get 'im, girlfriend - 555

Sorry to say, you probably lost 83% of your audience with that second line, but never mind about that. Great job, here. Finally, an OFFICIAL list. I'll keep the lumberjack thing in mind for Halloween. Also, does the ring have to have a wedding bell gist, or can it be any kind of ring?

I think I tied with Paul for score out of thirty, but in my case a girl covered in marinara is a turn-on so I'll pray that nets me some extra points. Oh, and Arwen's Sexy.

Carol...thanks very much...I really appreciate it. It would be enough to know that you liked it...but to call it one of my best...that's REALLY saying something...because, let's face it...there's some heavy duty competition in my discography...; )

Agri...thank you. Short and succinct segways to giving me 5s are some of MY favorite things...; )

Stuart...I'm really surprised by the number of fellas who aren't measuring up here. I mean...you're out within the FIRST 4 LINES? Oh wait, I see...the part about giving up porn is in there...makes sense now...

2nz...I refuse to accept that you scored an 8. Oh wait...you're in luck...loving a marinara drenched elf DOES allow for extra points...so...never fear. Also, go ahead and make a note to yourself that I'm going to need photos of your Lumberjack clad, Halloween jaunts...; )

As for the type of ring...I'm not so picky. Diamond rings, Olympic rings, Onion rings...and of course, Rings of Power...I dig them all...; )

'fraid so, and that was after allowing myself 3 lives no less (I only scored on the blondes bit) - so I never even got to imagine seeing you stained with noodle sauce (and really you shouldn't eat noodles nude anyway - obviously - it says so on the packet - otherwise they'd be called nudels - obviously)

...but even if I had made it past verse 1, the non-splash requirement would've got me - or I might have left the ' out of my doodle (because it IS only a doodle after all....to be done absent-mindedly, by definition...although I'm sure your strict grammatical zero-tolerance policy would still apply)

Ha! Endearing words, luscious Arwen. Has anyone made an 'I'm the Lord of the Ring' type joke yet? Oh well, worth a try... 555 elven roses.

Inspiring :-)

Even the ones guy went 5-5-5 on this one =) Loved it!

Missed this one yesterday...I loved it!! In fact, I like reading parodies of this particular song; they're always so interesting. :)

Never had a problem with the marinara part. In fact, it might lead me to break my no-kinkiness rule. But you got it right: Insects just drive me bugs.

Stuart...there honestly aren't enough eye rolling emoticons right now...

Luke...=) You were the first to drop the LOTR reference...(if I don't count myself)...so extra points for you! (Too bad you are out of the running for being entirely too young...and a little bit too Australian...; )...)

Mister. Kenny. Chesney...(enter huge swoon here)...Um. Okay...I've collected myself somewhat. I'd like to say, first of all, that I'm so sorry things didn't work out with your marriage. Seriously call me if you need some consoling. I mean it...I will hold your hand and let you cry on my shoulder. And then I will probably try to make out with you. But it will all be a part of the healing process, I swear. Oh, and thanks.

Jeff...that is because the 1s guy ALSO has a crush on me, duh. ; ) Thanks...nice to see you...long time no talk...=)

Serafina...thank you. I usually like parodies of this OS, too...=) I'm glad you liked mine...

Michael...so if we're in the middle of some sweet marinara enhanced moment, and a Horribly Horrifying Hornet comes by, you expect ME to take care of it? I don't think so.

Mr. Chesney...(again)...I just wanted to say Hello. So that I could um...have you...um...at Hello. =)

Hey Kenny...why did you dump me again?

Um, HELLO...don't you read Us Weekly? You dumped him. He's a fraud, remember?

I was just kiddin' around LOL! ;D Lighten up! Of course he is! :D

just wondering, renee, if you could stretch your criterion for a few minutes so you could have me at goodbye too...(dry month)

Thanks for writing a song about my resume. 555. But how many times do I have to tell you - it's NOT an addiction! It's just a way for me to make a little money while I'm waiting for the mainstream roles.

Um...wait a minute...I guess I didn't clarify this up top...but if you're not here to swoon over me, this isn't the place. Take it to divorce court...Mr. & Mrs. Chesney. (But seriously, Kenny, call me...)

Spaff...don't be a liar. You may look a whole damned lot like Mr. Diesel through those special glasses you bought me...but ever since "that night," you've never gotten along with my parents. They're still waiting for an apology...and a check for their Plasma TV.

Cute...I guess that's what every stereotype chick wants. Very funny, very cute concept. 555 ;)

Thanks, Marianne. =)

Kenny, my ex, what do you mean by "dry month"? Do you want to not drink water for 30 days or something?

Well, he didn't answer me...I guess that means he's giving me the silent treatment or something.

The list does seem short, my wife's list was a bit longer, but with the poor scores everyone's getting maybe it's too long. Or maybe you should change a few criteria for MP to add to the humor such as

'bees are so scary we'd better not tarry, before you get stung we'd better get married
Vin Diesel's got a lot going for him, but if your names Michael then count yourself in'

Tim...I can't create a curve to give Mr. Pacholek an advantage until I see what he REALLY does when we come face to face with a bee. I threw bugs in there to match on pacing...but in reality, it's just the bees/hornets/wasps etc. that freak the crap out of me, and suck all rational thought out of my brain. I will scream. Like a mental patient. I need someone who can counter that. I'm pretty serious about this stuff.

And besides, Spaff has already claimed to've gotten 100%...(regardless of the truth about his relationship with my parents...who will come around eventually, I'm sure)...so why should I change a thing?

Unless...of course...Mr. Pacholek gets to me first...with a big fat diamond. Or, if he drives a nicer car. A sweet ride can trump a fear of bees by a narrow margin...

sorry Renee, I know you were talking to me but I keep getting distracted by your eye-slits when you scrunch up your face like that - how do you see out of them things?

I still wanna know what you mean by "Dry month," Kenny. Does it mean 30 days without rain, or something like that? please tell me.

yes, hello, it means 30 days without rain, sometimes 31, and in 3 out of 4 Februarys, it means 28 days without rain - what are you? some kinda...oh there you go, scrunching up your face again on that stupid angle, I'm outa here...(slam)

Are you entering this into the "Song of the Month" contest, Arwen? Because you'd WIN.

Great job with the "oodles" rhymes - and everything else. I think you lose most guys with A student criteria. I mean, all of us AmIRight guys look better than Vin Diesel, but how many of us got As in Medieval English?

YAD...thanks...I actually DO think I'll enter this one...even though I had a couple this month that I really like. I kind of decided that it's my duty to supply this kind of information for the general public...and to provide as much exposure as is possible...=) I don't think I'll win though...I've got Spaff's mythical juggernaut to consider...; ) But I would have stopped entering ages ago if I were only in it to win...=) Thanks again!

John...good point. Even I only got a B in Medieval English...but I'd like to award you an A+ for spelling 'Medieval' correctly...; ) And of COURSE you are all hotter than Vin Diesel...why else would I spend my time trying to woo you all?? Thanks for stopping by!

5's Nice one. Mad em chuckle. Indeed. hmmm..pie

Thanks a bunch, M!KEY...

(SOTM) Yes, speaking of the Spaff "juggernaut", which truly does seem to be of mythical proportions, we're all in a bit of danger for SOTM. Good job on one of the few songs in this contest I actually know!

(SOTM) see above

SOTM - Will a donut do? I mean, it's sort of a ring...

(SOTM) Very good one!

What I said before. And I was just kidding in that comment I posted elsewhere - I really *do* have much love for Potter, so never fear. I also love Pierce and Honeycutt and Houlihan and even Burns - pretty much all of 'em. So I'm back to 100%.

Your parents know full well where the TV is. Tell them to buy some freaking solvent already.

And speaking of considering things, do we get to see your mythical jugs or not?

Wannabemustangjockey...thanks, I'm glad you know the OS, and that you enjoyed this. And for the record, I'm TOTALLY not afraid of Spaff. He's afraid of me. ; )

Agri...I looked above...and yep, I still liked your comment. Thanks!

Peter...um...will a donut do? No. But I probably wouldn't turn my back on an apple fritter. Just so you know. Thanks!

Adagio...thanks a bunch!

Spaff...ah, M*A*S*H. Without realizing it, you've touched upon a sentimental favorite. You could actually bump your score up to 110% now...

And as for your question...(LOL!)...I suppose that all depends on whether or not you and I can manage to get to the lake on the same weekend for a change. I'll be on the west beach...with pink hair.

(SOTM) Just been trawling through the novelette that makes up your comments section, and loving the parody all over again.

Kenny: I thought so. Thanks for clearing that up.

(SOTM) See above again and again!

(SOTM) already commented (way too much, I see) on this one, but it is very funny

Hey Chucky, someone spoiled the barrel here with a 1-1-1 vote. (It wasn't me.) Could you, by chance, erase it please? This parody was not, and I repeat NOT, off paced.

SOTM - Believe it or not, I have never watched The Sound Of Music. DKTOS, but it was a good read.

(SOTM) Well, aside from the fact that I am married and failed this "test" in a miserable fashion I still think this is great.

(SOTM) OK, lots of comments here. See way above.

(SOTM) Still a glorious tribute to such a deserv-ed topic.

(SOTM) Goes well with the original, kinda funny

Wow, all these comments are almost as entertaining as the parody. I had to go back and reread it. Great stuff, especially liked the ending.

(SOTM) What I said above. Plus, "Giving all 5s to the songs that I've written" only happens up until the first anniversary you know...

A treat and an educational tool all rolled into one. You forgot, 'no crime to speak of, no theives and no felons, knows how to handle girl and her melons,' though. Both of those are important too.

Kristof...the comments really are unbelievable, aren't they? The real reason I pretend that I enjoy writing parodies is to force clever people like the lot on this site to say hilarious things to me...thanks!

Johnny...done and done! Thanks again!

Stuart...yeah, that's a big surprise. Trust me, I knew all along. The REAL Kenny would have been swooning over me, not asking Renee stupid questions about her facial expressions...; )

TOVNTD...one of the greatest things about coming on this site is finding people who will idnignantly kick ass on my behalf. Or, at least, who will try. Thanks. But the only problem is that if Chucky agreed to erase the 111s that I don't deserve, as they were left based on jealousy and pettiness...he'd probably be forced, ethically, to erase any 555s that I don't deserve, as THEY were left based on lust and "I just want to win over Arwen-iness"...and well...none of us wants that. ; )

YWN...I will choose NOT. You HAVE to be kidding me.

Red Ant...way to go. I was never able to commend a test that I had just failed...which is why I got kicked out of many an Algebra class after bellowing "WHAT IN THE HELL IS AN ASYMPTOTE??? THIS TEST SUCKS...IT PROVES NOTHING...I AM VERY SMART, DAMMIT!" Oh...anyway...thanks!

Rick...=) Thanks again!

Luke...thanks very much!

Larry...well ALL RIGHT! You know, going with the original was all that I was after...finding out that I also scored a kinda funny is just a big fat bonus...thanks.

Claude...thanks a ton. The end is the most important part, I'd say...because we all know that if he's rich...nothing else on the list matters. Also, my plan is clearly working...as I placed most of these comments on the page myself...in order to create a long enough list that you would HAVE to go back and read the parody again. More exposure...that is ALWAYS the goal...

Tim...the first anniversary? WAIT a minute...I'm not trying to MARRY Mr. Perfect...I'm just trying to score some jewelry, for heck's sake. (Truth be told, I'm a little bit wary of commitment. Seriously. It freaks me out. See my 'Hey When I Wanna' for more details...) The only reason I want HIM to be into commitment is because he's more likely to let me drive his car if he thinks he's my one and only. Sucker.

2nz...HOLY. MOLY. Of course I didn't forget that line...because nice girls like me don't say things like that. Good hell...are you trying to make me blush all over the freaking site? Sheesh...; )

I hate to say this, but as cute as the whole song was and all, the best line was the one by 2nz.

Well!!! I was 2 seconds away from a "what the..?" until another scan thru made me realise this was the Kenny/Renee thread which I'd completely forgotten about (and to which, yes, I do plead guilty - any chance to have a go at stupid Renee Z. I just can't let slip...) but I was only referring to my own-name comments when I said I'd over-commented - so now I feel I must over-apologise for over-over-commenting :-)......as well as, of course, bow to your savvy skills

MG...thanks...but no, you are wrong. >: (

Stuart...bow on, mister...I'm only going to get better...

And for the record...I don't know what the HELL "idnignantly" means. I HATE it when I do that...hmph!!

Is always fun to come back and see your comment to my comment. Also, I've been spelling it 'idnignantly' for some time now just to watch the processor auto-correct me and get a warm feeling that someone's watching out for me. But then the thing gets all headstrong and starts telling me how to rearrange my sentances and what letters to capitolize. That's usually when I end up throwing my monitor.

Spaff won. That's another one of my predictions thrown out of the window.

YAD...it's okay...I thought it was a lovely prediction. And you were so close...I mean...I came in 6th...so, that has to count for something, right? =)

Finally I get to see another one of your parodies! I wanted to check one out last Thursday when I got home, but I apparently forgot! And then I got too busy for some reason. Anyway it's nice to see this one; it's well written, and I'm gonna give you another 5-5-5 vote to help iron out any undeserved "low" votes that may have gotten on here. See ya! :D

Mr. Ferragamo, I'm sure the "5" votes take care of that. Count my 5,5,5 vote in, too.

To make a long story short, I echo what everyone says.

Ferragamo...oh...well, speaking of being busy...I have been, too. So, thanks for the comment you left me 3 months ago...I really appreciate it...=)

Joe...thanks a ton!

A. Person...wow...that WOULD be a long story...I just read through all of the comments...and if you'd said them all over again, I would have missed my bedtime by like 6 hours. So thank you...in more ways than one...=)

(ABC3-T) Wow, good luck with that! :-)

(ABC3) An old favorite rears its cute little head once again!

Well, I'm taken -- and I couldn't say that when I joined amiright in 2003. My, how fast times change! But I'm a cat person anyway, so that probably would DQ me ;) Good work, though, and it looks like you decided to be yourself when you wrote this.---MM

One Ring To Rule Them All

(ABC3-T) I thought this was an earlier song of yours, and thus was thinkin of an entirely different Ring! But then I read it, and saw it was a completely different running joke of yours. Well done Arwen!

(ABC3T) Very good indeed 555.

Good

(ABC) So I take it you don't mean a phone call, do ya Arwen?

Hmmm...perhaps I should do one of my own lists these days. But probably not until you're married. ;)

(ABC3T) ah, it's like revisiting an old friend this one - already over-overcommented on this - but I'm still astonished by the requirement "when he fights vampires he never gets bitten" - what NEVER?? - sadly, I doubt my headlocks will ever be that flawlessly executed - sigh

(ABC3T) Ah yes, I remember this one, Arwen. One of my favorites of yours from what seems like ages ago now. I hope you get that ring. (I'm counting the days until I get rid of mine).

(ABC) See above, see above, for Our Goddess Of Love!

(ABC3T) i would have posted this follow-up comment earlier, but it took me half a blinkin' hour to scroll down to the bottom! A classy effort on your favourite topic

(ABC3-T) See above somewhere up there, lol. "Prefers a great dane to fluffy white poodles": I prefer Great Danes that eat fluffy white poodles. I'm sure I look like Vin Diesel if you've had, say, 37 drinks. Alas, I'm still married, and since I can't swim that well I'd probably splash the heck out of you. =)

Dont fit that description, 5s anyways

Fun song, but I was looking for something in here about fighting off gooses? =)