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Song Parodies -> "SuperCallousFlagellistMarquisDeSade:Sadistic"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The counterpart, or flip side, to today's other post, "StoopingCowardMasochisticMarriesDominatrix"

Don-ati-en-Alphonse-Fran-cois was his name   [1]
"Mar-quis de Sade", his title; pain was his game

Born into a family with title, noble-istic
Colonel of a regiment; career, mil-i-taristic
But much better known for living: cruelly hedonistic

Je-suit education; his Church, defame
I'm sure the Catholics: de Sade, would disclaim   [2]

Inherited a castle at
Lacoste in Provence, France
A libertine lifestyle, led;   [3]
He jumped at ev'ry chance
At those of either gender; tried
To get inside their pants
With prostitutes, employees, and
Wife's sister, did the dance!

Moved out of his castle to the city, Eiffelistic   [4]
Even to his "hired hands", was most antagonistic   [5]
Saying he did not "play nice" would be most euphemistic   [6]

Jail door revolving; in and out for a while
Back to his castle, he was sent in exile   [7]

He met a woman in the streets
And took her to his place
Had promised her a job; instead,
Subjected to disgrace
He held her there as prisoner;
Continued to debase
Till out the window, second floor,
She ran away apace!   [8]

Told the Court the case was merely testing, scientistic
Paid her off; few weeks in jail, 'spite story unrealistic   [9]
Next, we find him in a brothel; poison, aphrodistic  

"Here, Ladies, choc'late bon-bons!" Gee, what a guy!
Some might have died from contents: laced, Spanish Fly   [10]

TURTLE: [spoken]

You know, their "justice system" seems totally backwards.
They should never have freed this perp,   [11]
Don't you think?

AMIRIGHTERS: [spoken:]


TURTLE: [resume singing:]

Elected to their "Parliament"
But soon, arose a throne


His novels caused an awful fuss
Ticked off "Napoleone"
So first, back into prison, then
Into asylum, thrown   [12]


Um, your opinion?



The rest of life, he'll spend in there
There's no way to atone!


Oh, and a crazy thing he is, too!

TURTLE: [resume singing:]

Now you know the origin of "sadist" and "sadistic"
Noble birth; his family quite aris-toc-ratistic
No one knows for sure why he became so flagellistic   [13]
Human nature isn't always so deterministic

All we know for certain is his mind: it took a twist, sick!

[1] Sorry, had to chop up the name to map it to the "um-diddle" etc. of TOS. Full name: Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade. Born in the Condé palace, Paris; his father was a Count; his mother was a cousin to the Princess of Condé.

[2] Jesuits are members of the Society of Jesus, a religious order within the Catholic Church engaged in proselytizing; missionary work; education via both schools and seminaries; hospital ministry; etc. De Sade attended a secondary school run by the Society, after which he joined the military, as noted in the first verse.

De Sade would later be charged with blasphemy, a serious offense at the time.

"LIbertine" -- (adjective) "free of moral, esp. sexual, restraint; dissolute; licentious".
(noun) -- "a person who is morally or sexually unrestrained, esp. a dissolute man; a profligate; rake"

*Pleeze* do not confuse the term with "Libertarianism", the political and personal philosophy of yours truly, which holds that individuals must be responsible for their own actions and the consequences thereof (no Government nanny to tell you how to run your life, nor to bail you -- or your corporation - out of your own mistakes), and cannot cause harm to others. This does *not* give you the right to screw anybody you want to, regardless of whether they want it or like it -- under our current system, only the Government can do that. (heh heh! ;)

[4] Moved to Paris in 1763. Tower wasn't built until 1889. Other choice here was "city, famed: artistic", for the large number of artists who've made their homes in Paris, but since we're writing about a weird guy, decided to go with the weird word.

[5] Several prostitutes in Paris complained to the police about being abused by de Sade, above and beyond the call of duty. He was put under surveillance by the police, who made detailed reports of his actions.

[6] There are going to be a lot more euphemisms, and many details of his acts will be omitted, because the specifics are too gruesome to inflict on readers.

[7] In 1768, even Paris decided he was too decadent for their tastes, and sent him packing.
(Always thought that "exile" meant being forced to leave the country, not just being moved to another city in the same country. Guess the Parisian authorities didn't care what he did, so long as he didn't do it on their turf.)

[8] On Easter Sunday (did someone mention "blasphemy"?) of 1768, de Sade met one Rosa Keller. Biographers differ: Some thought her to be a prostitute; others, a beggar in the streets to whom de Sade offered a job. In either case, she willingly accompanied him to his home, whereupon she was taken to his attic, bound, and repeatedly whipped as well as sexually abused. The kind-hearted gentleman (!) then applied salve to her wounds, but continued to abuse her physically. She was able to escape through a second-floor window, running into the street still nude.

[9] His defense was that he was merely testing the efficacy of the salve that he applied to her wounds. Oh, right, that's how most scientific testing is done -- what jury would ever convict him for *that*? -- especially given the apparent lack of any medical or scientific background. Nonetheless, after paying the victim some unknown amount of monetary compensation, he was released after serving only *six weeks* in jail.

De Sade's next major scandal involved a visit to a bordello in 1772, where the "kind" man distributed chocolate bon-bons to all the ladies. They were laced with the alleged aphrodisiac, "Spanish Fly", as referred to in this parody. This substance is actually used in livestock breeding, to promote mating among the animals. It *can* have a similar effect on humans, but at great risk: The difference between an effective dose and a toxic one is very small. It can cause permanent damage to the kidneys and genitals, and is illegal in the US, except for animal husbandry.

Some reports of the incident claim that one woman killed herself by jumping out a window and that two others died by poisoning. Others believe that no deaths occurred. Sade was arrested and sentenced to death for sodomy and poisoning. Before the sentence could be imposed, he fled to Italy, taking his wife's sister with him. He was arrested there, but managed to escape. The death decree was finally removed six years later. (Why??)

De Sade continued to be in and out of jail until after the start of the French Revolution in 1789. The new government convened its National Constituent Assembly, and in 1790, that Assembly freed de Sade. Having ingratiated himself with the new government, he was elected to to be a representative, where he represented the far left. He was a member of the "Piques section", a section notorious for its radical views.

Hmmm... two pervs (this one and today's companion post), *both* radical-Left or Socialist -- well, in all fairness, it's not as though the Right doesn't have its share of foot-tapping in the airport men's room.... (Should that coin a new term, "Craigism"? Just askin' ... ;)
However, none of them seem to match de Sade's taste for inflicting cruelty, or von Sacher-Masoch's taste for receiving it.

(Another parody inspiration!
"Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys"
"Mammas Don't Beat Your Babies; Grow Up To Be Leftists"
Anyone wanna run with that? Feel free... ;)

During both imprisonment and freedom, De Sade (like the other parody subject today) wrote novels describing in detail his fetishes, the most famous being "Justine", whose title character suffered as De Sade's real victims did. One of these novels slandered Josephine, wife of Napoleon Bonaparte. With Bonaparte's rise to power, in 1801 he ordered de Sade arrested and imprisoned without trial.

Naturally, De Sade attempted to seduce his fellow inmates. His family's intervention had him declared insane and transferred to an asylum in 1803. Being de Sade, he eventually had an affair with the 13-year-old daughter of one of the asylum's employees, which lasted for four years, until his death in 1814, cause unknown.

(TT's gonna go way out on a limb here, and take a wild shot at the cause of death. Ummm... an STD, maybe? ... Just a guess.)

[13] The "real" word played upon, in the title as well as in this line: "Flagellant".
Probably most often used to describe certain monastic orders whose members whip themselves as part of religious discipline and/or atonement, but we're using the second meaning here:
" A person who derives sexual pleasure from whipping or being whipped by another person." And in this case, of course, it's the former. The other guy parodied today is the latter.

So, before calling someone a "sadist" or "sadistic", keep in mind what that term represents. Of course, it's just a figure of speech....

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 4   2
 5   6

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
You can't "beat" this one. Keeping "whipping" these up. Infamously good! A sadist and a masochist were married. On their wedding night, the masochist pleaded "Beat me! Beat me!" The sadist replied "NOOOO! Hehehehe!" ;D
Christie Marie M - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
I echo OMR's comment! Well-played, TT. Enjoying this sadistic satire of yours! Great take on the Marquis, and ditto on how badly he treats other women. I also dug [10] from your footnotes as well. Here's some aristocratic 555's!
Patrick - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Every time you write a song, I learn something new. I was familiar with the name of de Sade, but I knew little of his life story. Once worked with a guy who was into that sort of thing. Scary. And I don't scare that easily. He saw my Gestapo spring baton and asked me to get him one. Later he told me his wife complained that it "pinched". I didn't want to know what he was doing with it. Later someone handed him a bullwhip and he went out on the driveway and showed us how he could place the tip exactly where he wanted it. When invited to a 4th of July party, he declined because he was getting a piercing done that evening. Let's just say it wasn't his earlobe, nipple, or nose. Waiting for your next masterpiece.
Lashing LaRue - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
*Very* informative, indeed! I'd always wanted to know about him... (not really, but I'm the encouraging sort.)

LOL @ "Eiffelistic" wordplay and ending joke of Footnote 3. [Hmmm... should we award 555, knowing that's what he truly *wants*??]
TJC - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
I feel the marqu' of genius's piercing wit upon me! Excellent historical parodical funtastickle spoofin'... to paraphrase Sonny and Cher--"The Beat (and 'fives') Goes On!"
Tommy Turtle - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: Old joke, sorry. ;) But thanks for v/c!

Christie Marie M: Don't dig that Spanish Fly too much, 'k? -- or were you referring to the parody linked, LOL? :) Thanks for v/c!

Patrick: I don't think *any* writer -- of *anything* -- could ever hope for a higher compliment than your first sentence. That means a lot -- thanks. But what more is there to learn about boffing sheep? :-D
          IIUC, *most* people who live the S&M lifestyle keep it private, and appear "normal" in public (with some exceptions) - and don't talk about it as your co-worker did. Thanks for v/c, but please don't expect a masterpiece *every* time (especially tomorrow, Thursday, LOL). Even a turtle has its limits. :) Thanks for v/c, and hope I've managed your expectations a little. ;)

Lashing LaRue: Reminds me of the kid whose mother told him to sit down and write Grandma a thank-you note for her Christmas gift. "Dear Grandma, Thank you for the gift. I always wanted a sweater for Christmas, but not very much." ;) Glad you liked the little dig in there, and thanks fov v/c, Cowgirl! :-D

TJC: LOL @ Cher -- did it give Sonny a Bono?     ;) -- thanks!
Andy P - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
LOL @ pants/dance lines. Enjoyed the tome as well.
Tommy Turtle - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy P: So, was it the epi-tome of tomes? ;-D ... thanks for v/c;
Mark Scotti - October 10, 2010 - Report this comment
What more can come from a shell...a whisical,,,sadisdical,,,masohcistical..."slice" of history!! 555 pints of blood lost(from my haed,,,laughing!!)
Mark Scotti - October 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Make that "whiMsical",,,
Tommy Turtle - October 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Glad to see we're both having typo trouble today (see TT reply @ flip side) - still hung over from Saturday night, eh? ;) Thanks for the profusion/perfusion/transfusion of Five-usin'!

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