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Song Parodies -> "StoopingCowardMasochisticMarriesDominatrix"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Aside from the titleating tittle and the fictional character in the first few verses, mostly a factual semi-biography of the writer who added a new term to our language, and whose life and writings expanded our knowledge of the range of human behavior and psychology.

Also the counterpart, or flip side, to today's other post, "SuperCallousFlagellistMarquisDeSade:Sadistic".

As emphasized within, this is a mutually-agreed-upon type of "role play" for some percentage of the population. Done without consent, it's not "play", it's a felony. Don't even think about it.

Some like a little whippin'; some like to whip
Once these two met each other: down-aisle trip

"Marriage made in Heaven", or perhaps the other way (Styx)   [1]
Talk about a perfect match -- this one's a pure "Grade A" mix

Bum, hit, a little lickin', fun for this guy
Domme: spittle drip, butt-kickin'; one more, lets fly

Von Sacher-Masoch, Leopold:
Sex style he prefers   [2]
Betwixt a man and woman, thinks
The power should be hers
His fav'rite novel: read, re-read:
'Bout Venus wearing furs   [3]
How fortunate to find a wife
Who willingly concurs!

"Each to their own", I would say; that's how they get their play-kicks
Sure "beats" watching television: reruns of "The Matrix™"
Start the camera! Video! Can make their own X-rate-flicks!

Wife is a sharp whip-cracker, "Hon of a b*tch"
Sub-hubby: Smack! Crack-snacker, scratch- -ing her itch

To Leopold, attention, turn
An educated guy
Wrote histories of Austria;
Galicia, and nearby;   [4]
Plus fiction: Polish, Russians, Jews,
The German Court: tales, ply   [5]
But found another joy in life
That made his spirits fly!

Leo met a Baroness: his "Mistress", Fanny Pistor   [6]
Signed a contract: slavery; he never would resist her
Took the train to Italy; her servant, she would blister   [7]
Tried to work that with his wife, but she said, "No way, Mister!   [8]

Way early: feminism: wrote of their views
Though Cath'lic, tolerance espoused for the Jews   [9]

READER: [spoken]

You know, it could work the other way - flip the roles:
It's a great parody idea,
Don't you think?

TURTLE: [spoken]

That's posted today.

[resume singing]

Krafft-Ebing published things to which
Poor Leopold was prone

(Yow! Ouch!)

Such things, to that time's scientists
Were hitherto unknown
Made Leo quite unhappy; with --
-- Krafft-Ebing, picked a bone   [10]


Hey, you got a minute?

KRAFFT-EBING: [spoken]

Yes ... ?


Concern about effect upon
My mother, I bemoan!   [11]


Rich, it's my father's name you should use!

TURTLE: [resume singing]

Leo was most certainly "outside the box"-type thinker   [12]
Ev;ry woman that he met, he tried to make a kink-er
Hoping that she'd get his "cheeks" to turn a little pinker
Would she bite on Leo's line, and take it, hook, line, sinker?

Passed away at fifty-nine while under care: head-shrinker   [13]

[1] "Styx" -- to the Greeks, the border between Earth and Underworld, as so eloquently explained in "The Face That Launched A Thousand Ships (Helen Of Troy)", but to Renaissance poet Dante, a part of Hell itself, equally eloquently explained in "The Circles That You'll Find In Hell (Dante's 'Inferno')". (Both co-written by the Odd Couple: an arrogant snot, and the greatest angel on Earth, to put up with him.)

Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836 – 1895) was an Austrian writer of both non-fiction and fiction, but is most noted for the novel in the next footnote, describing his fantasies of sexual subservience, and for actually living them out, inspiring the term "masochism". That term was invented in 1886 by the Austrian psychiatrist Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing (1840–1902) in his book "Psychopathia Sexualis".

(In his teens, TT read Krafft-Ebing's book. Surprisingly, it was *not* on the list of "required reading" for Honors English. Even more surprisingly, it was waay more interesting than the dolts that we *were* required to read, like Herman Melville and Henry James -- zzzzzzzzz. ... And it has provided tons of parody background, e. g., boffing sheep [bestiality], S & M, etc., without actually having to do such things. Reading broadens one's horizons... )


Sacher-Masoch is the great-great-uncle to the British singer and actress Marianne Faithfull. ("As Tears Go By", written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards; made a hit in 1964 by Marianne, then covered by the Stones themselves in 1965. Many other hits.)


Sacher-Masoch's political writings and views were Socialist.
(Pain-loving perv and Socialist? Well, correlation does not equal causation, and TT doesn't believe in ad hominem arguments. Just a coincidence, surely...)

"Venus in Furs", Sacher-Masoch's most famous novel, describes in detail his fantasies, which he eventually put into reality. He especially enjoyed having his mistresses wear furs (and presumably, nothing underneath? Hmmm, trying to picture that -- actually, it *is* kinda -- n/m. ;)

The novel has been referenced in dozens of movies, popular music, and elsewhere. Wikipedia has a listing of some bands and songs linked to the book, its subject, or its title, some of which may be a surprise. Check it out if you like. (Nope, haven't read the novel; don't intend to.)


When British police did a drug bust at Keith Ricards' house (Marianne's then-bf), they found her wearing a fur rug and nothing else. (No puns on "rug", please. This whole parody is spicy enough "as-is". ;)

[4] Von Sacher-Masoch was born in the city then known as Lemberg, the capital of the Kingdom of Galicia and Lodomeria, at the time a province of the Austrian Empire (now Lviv, Ukraine)

[5] Stories about the diverse ethnicities in his homeland of Galicia.

[6] Waay too humorous to be made up: His gf''s name was indeed "Fanny Pistor", and you can run with that all day long.... Me, I'm just lettin' it speak for itself.
(Double-play on "Mistress", of course: usual sense of a girlfriend, implying support by the guy, but also the title of address to one's dominatrix, according to research.)

[7] To avoid embarrassment in his home town, he and the Baroness traveled to Italy to live out their "contract". (Aw, c'mon! Don't try to say that *you've* never done anything on vacation that you wouldn't do at home!. ;) LvSM (S/M - what an appropriate monogram!) assumed the name and role of a servant to his Mistress, Leo traveling third class while Ms. Pistor had the champagne and lobster in first class.

[8] The affair with Ms. Pistor was in 1869. Sacher-Masoch married an apparently-"conventional" woman in 1873 -- it's not clear exactly why, given his, uh, "preferences" -- and pressured her into assuming the same role, which she did not care to do. Unsurprisingly, he found the marriage unexciting, eventually divorced her, and married his assistant, who was more accommodating.
(Actually, seems like he should have married the Baroness, doesn't it? No info as to why he didn't.).

[9] Edited a magazine that promoted education and voting rights for women, well ahead of his time (1880s). Though born into a Roman Catholic family, wrote and worked for tolerance and integration of Jews in Saxony (now a state in Germany), ultimately founding an association that fought antisemitism.

[10] Hey, it's common slang for "to have a quarrel with someone". No further comment.

As is customary in many cultures, hyphenated surnames consisted of the father's family name, followed by the mother's. LvSM was concerned that by attaching the term "masochism" to his preferences, his mother's feelings and reputation would be hurt. He would have preferred that the stain be on the side of the family of his father, a police chief, and hence be called "Sacherism".
(And then, one could ask one's Mistress, "Sach it to me!" Cool! ;)

One biographer suggested that vSM's condition was the result of a dominant mother, a dominant nursemaid, and a dominant aunt. (Seems, then, that the mother did indeed deserve the "title". ;)

Nonetheless, books like "Psychopathia Sexualis" were not considered proper for the general public in that era -- note the use of Latin, as in much of medicine, for the title. So vSM's affliction was not very publicly known until his first wife published her memoirs in 1906, well after his (alleged) death in 1895.

[12] This writer takes no responsibility for any puns read into that line.

[13] In his late fifties, his mental health began to deteriorate ("began"?), and he spent the last years of his life under a psychiatrist's care. He eventually became violent and delusional, and was put in an asylum, while the public was told that he had died, amidst flattering obituaries. (Hence the "alleged" death two footnotes above.) One biographer claims that he lived in the asylum for another ten years, not dying until 1905.

Great lines from the review of the bio, linked in the outro:

"The poor fellow was really a kind of romantic, who always hoped to find the worst in women and hardly ever did"
(He coulda' had some of mine, lol! -- TT.).

"The theme (of his short stories and novels): 'girl beats boy'."
ROFL!!!! Talk about a great plot-title-switch! (i. e., from the clichéd "girl meets boy" genre.)

Truly a case of "Love at first bite"...

Review of bio, by

Excerpts from book review © 2010 Time, Inc. All else © 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 8

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Turtle - Once again, I must read ALL your entries before I comment. A wickedly funny double here...worthy of a true sado-maso-turtle! Maybe you could invent a new candy for those so inclined...S & Ms - the candy that melts your mouth...and your hands! ;D
Mistress Maria (Christie Marie M) - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Great work, TT, and informative and interesting footnotes as always, especially #2 and #12! Whipping 555's for this one!!!
Patrick - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
I was brought up in an old-fashioned culture, where sex and violence were meant to be "enjoyed" separately. Some folks must be pressed for time. It is an ongoing challenge where I live to reach the end of one's days without acquiring extra holes the Lord didn't grant you on your birthday. Why anyone would seek them out is beyond my understanding. Americans must love pain, though. They elected Obama. (Had to get at least one political zinger in there).
Rue Eng-LaLashe - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
How plain my life suddenly seems in comparison... (Thank goodness!)....

A fine piece of..(.no, that's not right)... another hit!... (no, no, not that either)... You've earned your stripes...( no...) It was really good! I think I enjoyed the fooTTnotes as much as the parody! 555
TJC - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
The second course in today's delightful duo was equally tasty. Your freshets of farce on the half-shell went down well and, once again, redefined the 'cuisine'! Bravo Top Chef Tommy!
[BTW: That whirring sound is Walt's frozen head spinning like mad in its liquid nitrogen canister!]
Tommy Hurt'll (lol) - October 06, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: Patent that; I think you've a hot idea there ... :-D (thanks for v/c!)

Mistress Maria: Thank you, Mistress. May I have three more (fives), please?     ;-D

Patrick: Didst not see the political zinger in *both* of today's footnotes, to the effect that *both* pervs who lent their names to psychiatric afflictions were radical-Leftist or Socialist? .... As for grokking the "why", it's true that pain can release brain neurotransmitters that heighten sensation; can increase blood flow (just as 6ual activity does) , etc... Lots of "normal" lovers scratch or give "love bites", hickeys, etc. in the heat of passion. It's all nerve stimulation. Just different strokes of it for different folks, I guess.
          Looking at it the other way, the feeling of power and control can raise men's testosterone levels -- look at Bill Clinton! ;) ... ok, enough science, thanks for v/c!

Rue Eng-LaLashe:
I have often waked down your street before
But I've never so delectably been beat before
All at once am I .. zebra-strip-ed guy
Now that I'm on the street where you live!

(could easily run that into a full parody, but this is *really* enough on this topic for a while, eh?) .. . You know the old saying, "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it", heh heh! ;) LOL @ struggle for the right verb and @ nick. Thanks for v/c, glad you enjoyed the infamous feet-notes, and hope you don't rue your plain-vanilla life. ;)

TJC: Um, isn't "Top Chef" on Bravo mostly for the "happy" (sic) guys? Not my cup o' tea, thanks. :-D Thanks for v/c!
Andy P - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
LOL @ Fanny Pistor. Surely, not as funny to an American. Isn't a fanny a backside to you? Look it up in the Oxford English if you don't know what it means in UK slang.
Tommy Turtle - October 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Andy P: I learned the UK definition the hard way: working as a ski instructor along with a number of Aussies who came here to work during their summer, our winter. Said something about one's "fanny pack" -- yes, the little pouch attached to a belt, and worn just above the glutei. She "reacted", asked if I knew the en-UK meaning (no) and told me. (For everyone else: Woman's private parts.)

Wow, talk about a complete 180 in meaning.... *literally*! ;) ... Didn't think of that when writing the song, but you're right, it's even more hilarious in en-UK. Thanks for pointing that out, and for v/c!

I can foresee some "interesting" conversations between US male and UK female, with one becoming highly indignant...... :) ;) ;)
Mark Scotti - October 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Asked...and ye shall recieve....(just read the other submission today), Comes under the category of, to quote kevin Bacon for Animal House, "Please sir, may i have another!!!" LOL
Tommy Turtle - October 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: See TT's reply to "Mistress Maria" (Christie Marie M), above ... lol! Thanks for reading//v/c!

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