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Song Parodies -> "ChristianJewishMuslimBuddhistShintoAtheistic"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Julie Andrews

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Hope all of our Jewish readers catch this one before sundown.

Had *really* intended to take a break for a week or two, after the past two weeks of Major-General parodies and finishing the Big 7 yesterday, but the news reminders of the Jewish High Holy Days, the holiest starting tonight, inspired this totally/turtle-ly irreverent parody. (TT would have a lot of atoning to do. ;)

TURTLE: [praying, then singing]

Hail, Mary, full of grace; thy womb, fruit is bless'd
B'ruch, Atoh Adenoi, 'loheinu Melech [1]

Taking ev'ry holiday avoids boss who's sadistic
Can't ditch me 'cause 'twould be Incorrectly Politistic

Bow, turn to Mecca, daily, five times, I pray:
"Al-lah, Who art in Heaven, give bread this day"

When I was just a little kid
'Til Christmas, couldn't wait
For lots of presents, I would hope
Please, Santa, don't be late!
Then realized: had just one day
While Jewish kids had eight
So, that's when I decided to,
Religions, combinate!

Even though my parents went a little bit ballistic
Shoulda' seen 'em when I added "Krishna", "Guru", "Mystic"
Saying that they called me "nuts" would be quite euphemistic!

Me, dozen women?! Maybe add "Mormon", too
Truth makes Mel Gibson crazy: Christ was a Jew

I never liked to go to school
Such boring lectures, hate
There had to be a way for me:
Class, circumnavigate
Then found, one day, a clever way
To minimize my fate:
Lent, Kwaanza, Ramadan, Yom Kip-
-pur, Easter, celebrate!

Told my folks was merely seeing point of view, holistic
Ghandi, TT, Ma Teresa: all, all altruistic
Any day off work's a day for me: more humanistic!

How 'bout Confucianism? Lots of jokes told:
"Girl who fly airplane upside down..." (that's too old)

TURTLE: [spoken:]

You know, we've got this religion thing all bass-ackwards
It's a great way to get off work,
Don't you think?

AMIRIGHTERS: [spoken:]


TURTLE: [resume singing:]

I take eight days for Hanukkah
For Christmas, take all twelve

(Great song!)

Continue finding holidays
The more I deeply delve
I've Buddha statue, Shinto temple,
Santa and his "elve"


Um, your opinion?


TURTLE'S BOSS: [singing]

Though you claim "ecumenical"
One day, it's you, I'll shelve!


Oh, and a lazy thing he is, too!

TURTLE: [resume singing:]

I think all religions should be truly synergistic
Hellenistic, paganistic, or mono-theistic
Boss considers turtle's "faiths" as just op-por-tunistic
Plus the times I've called in: many days and much work, missed, "sick"!

Pretty soon, I'll be another unemployed statistic!

[1] A thousand apologies to our Jewish readers, but couldn't you have made your traditional blessing scan to a Walt Disney nonsense phrase that would be coined six thousand years later? I mean, TJC has proven statistically how smart you all are, in his comment here. ;)
(sorry for the slight mis-stress on "Kip-PUR")

Full: "Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-Olam" = "Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of the Universe".
(Isn't the Internet wonderful?)

Wishing all of our Jewish readers complete absoution and a good year -- and why can't all these faiths just get along?

© 2010 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 15

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
You're a one man Interfaith Council! Be careful if you start having dialogues with yourself. In my youth, my brother and I were the only kids in the whole neighborhood who had to go to school on Holy Days. Since that time, although nobody is less athletic than I am, I lead the world in "passing"...passing for Catholic, passing for Jewish, passing for Baptist, passing for Methodist, etc. BTW, great job as usual...555 ecumenical blessings. ;D
SamuraiMaster - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I got a kick reading this. I got a kick fiving it.
John Barry - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Ave Maria Poppins!
Mark Scotti - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm laughing at this one religeously...upon every read!!!
Patrick - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
When I was in high school I came under the influence of radio evangelist Garner Ted Armstrong. Combine the "Plain Truth Magazine" with "Mohammed Speaks" when I could persuade a Nation of Islam member to sell one to a white kid, and I had enough heresies to drive my parents and Catholic school teachers crazy. I guess the controversy was really more relevant than any particular doctrine. Later on I bought some Amish broadfall pants and a black hat. Everyone thought I looked "Mormon". Fortunately, parody writing now gives me the same opportunity to stir up some folks now and again. On a secular note, though he was a man of faith, in keeping with your "holiday" theme, I can say in more ways than one, America needs a lot more men like Dr Martin Luther King.
Ann Hammond - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
beyond he he
AFW - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
You're a one man show, TT. I got a feeling you can also play the piano, guitar, harmonica, harp, flute, banjo, drums, kazoo, and ocarina, all at the same time, and also while dancing, whistling, eating a sandwich, drinking tea, and performing a hand stand
LilCatLicker - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Fine tribute to all the 'pathways' to the GreatSpirit above, Sir !
Christie Marie M - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I myself am a Roman Catholic. However, I used to date someone who turned out to be an Athiest, so we had to terminate the relationship because of it. Anyways, may you be blessed and baptized with 5's for this one.
Tommy Turtle - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Old Man Ribber: I talk to myself all the time -- or maybe it's the aliens talking to me; never quite sure! ;) And you do a heck of a job passing as a parody writer! :-D

SamuraiMaster: Thanks - my spirits just "sword"!

John Barry: ROFLMAO!!!

Mark Scotti: Good idea: like all religious texts, it should be read, re-read, studied, individual passages discussed, etc. (kidding!) Thanks, Mark!!!

Patrick: MLK had his controversies, too: allegations of associations with Communists and of many extramarital affairs, but as TT always said, he left a huge legacy for white people: If you get off the Interstate and find that you're on Martn Luther King Boulevard, you've made a wrong turn. :) (true in more cities than you'd believe.)
  All kidding aside, Dr. King indeed helped to end segregation, though I disagree with his stance on labor "rights" and minimum wage laws (and other views), which generally hurt the very people he was trying to help: low-income or unemployed blacks. Typical of most Gov interference in the economy, so he's not alone there. Thanks for v/c.

Ann Hammond: Beyond thanks!

AFW: With flippers?! :-) Can piddle a little on a keyboard, and can pat head/rub stomach at same time, but I get the flattering metaphor --- thank you very much, my friend.

LilCatLicker: Thanks for acknowledging that there are many such pathways, vs. those who insist that only theirs is the "right" way. (Why are these discussions so serious? It was meant to be a "funny" song!) Thanks for v/c.

Christie Marie M: Why? Because he couldn't tolerate your beliefs, or because you couldn't tolerate his? Inquiring pea-brains want to know... most religions preach tolerance, but it seems that few practice it. Thanks for the blessings, baptismal, vote, and comment.
Fiddlegirl - September 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Unexpected, clever, humorous, witty, and- dare I say- "inspired"... :)
Tommy Turtle - September 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Fiddlegirl: You dare! You dare!   ;)

(betcha wish ya could make big blank spaces without the dots, like moi, eh? :-D)
TJC - September 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Fantasticaladocious, TT! Perfectly grandiose topic perfectly grandly Super-skewered--and the whole thing--with original dialogue! Every line a winner... hard to pick favorites but the title itself was genius and varying the 'hum didle idle' lines was great too. I liked the clever repetition in 'all all altruistic' and all the grandiloquent but perfect 'ballistic' rhymes. Loved the 'combinate' neologism and the varied gentle (gentile?) digs at the varied religions, allusions implying a deeper understanding than 90+% of your readers. Bravodocious!
Tommy Turtle - December 26, 2010 - Report this comment
TJC: How did I miss your comment? (checks to see which prayers he was saying, and in what direction facing, at the time .... )

TT finds some fascinating similarities in brief scans through the many religions. Enjoyable topic to moi, but not worth a discussion here. (especially this late after the post). Thanks for the effusive comment and vote.

OK, *one* tidbit: Christmas wasn't celebrated until the 300s A. D., and the date was chosen arbitrarily, probably to coincide with the winter solstice festivals in the Nordic countries, and also near Hannukah, as Jesus himself was born and raised Jewish, and called "rabbi" (teacher) by his disciples. Astronomical evidence pieced together from the Bible puts His birth somewhere in August. (Supernova known to have occurred; bright star in the East, etc.)

None of which in any way distracts from His message, or that of almost all other religions, psychofanatics aside: Peace on Earth, good will to all. Thanks again.

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