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Song Parodies -> "Pork-Food Alaska"

Original Song Title:

"North to Alaska"

Original Performer:

Johnny Horton

Parody Song Title:

"Pork-Food Alaska"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I just got back from a trip to Southeast Alaska. While in Juneau, the state capital, I took a bus tour of the city. The driver pointed to an isolated mansion on a hill overlooking the channel and informed us that it’s Mel Gibson’s place. Then it occurred to me: Mel has a place there because of the two-word homophone of “Juneau.”
“Make sup pork!”
(Pork-food, Alaska)
“Hey, sup’s pork!”
Pork-food Alaska.

Pork’s chewed. . .Alaska,
There’s goyim pork—the nosh is on.
Pork’ ’tude Alaska,
They’re goyin’ pork—the nosh is on.

The man belched scream-prattle
And expressed fear of the Jew;
His gorge spat out garbage
To a cop in Malibu:
“The cross is where they killed ’im,
Them clowns with big-nezer* gold!”
He’d blown; his ire was mountin’;
Just a livid mouthpiece of Rome.

Man’s on the majestic mountain,
Above valley far below.
He’d stalked and screamed at the Russkie
Of whom he was once the beau.
He took northern flight, post-runnin’ pie’l’,**
To the land of the Yid-Lite® fun.
Yes, man went north where kikes don’t command
How the flicks’ greenlights are done.

There no Yiddish he’s finding;
Pig cutlets he’s dining.
Pork-food, Alaska,
There’s goyim pork—the nosh is on.
Pork’ ’tude Alaska,
They’re goyin’ pork—the nosh is on.

“Pork out!” said man, and then,
“Kosher be damned!”
Said, “Ham is good for cookin’
While you’re toastin’ to Tehran.
I’m away from Goldbergs. . .”
Buried head in sand.
And one large bag o’ gold he’ll pay
For rants heard in TV land.

Yeah, he’d ragged on that woman,
Called her a “slut” and “slime.”
This gentile man gave huge snubs
To his gal online.
He’s built him an aerie, a hymie-none home,
Where no one hears his spoutin’.
How’d he get divorced in re Rome?!

There no chick bitch he’s finding—
“Witch!” “Slut wench!” opining.
North went Mad Maxster—
He’s there up north; the lush is gone.
North to Alaska;
He’s there up north; the schmuck is gone.

Way up north
(North went Mad Maxster)
Way up north
(North went the Maxster)

North to Alaska;
He’s there up north; the putz is gone.


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job. Juneau is like Mel's thought can't get there by conventional means. ;D
TJC - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Juneau what? Dees ees barry creeatiph unt fives-worthy!
VenisonVotress - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
hey there WaSilla Dude, . . . . scouting the grounds looking for MsSarah, eh SirSweaty ? ?
NoFairLady - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
. . . Visit your ~ FairLady~ in FairBanks, SirSweaty ? ?
Patrick - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
That insanity role he played in all his movies wasn't an act?
Michael Pacholek - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Mel's up there? Hasn't Alaska suffered enough? What with, you know... Curt Schilling having been born in Anchorage?
Tommy Turtle - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
DK he had a house there -- how much do you suppose we'd have to pay him to stay there - *forever*?

Great wordplays on a classic, rarely-done OS. 555 Conspiracy Theories, and it now looks like Mel wasn't "method-acting" there - the paranoia was real. What a perfect fit for the part.
Kristof Robertson - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
Big-nezer? Yid-lite? Hymie-none? Honestly John, you're taking our mother tongue to new and weird places...just as well I love it! 555
John Barry - September 09, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR: Yes, indeed!

TJC: Tank ju.

VV, NFL: Just a tourist am I.

Patrick: I guess not.

MP: Now, don't you diss Curt's redness.

TT: I didn't know either, but somehow it's not surprising.

Kristof: Thanks. I love going lexically elsewhere.
RobH - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
NOT FUNNY, Dont get it, Two thumbs down, A MUST NOT SEE. The Alaska Tribune raves, "Stupidest thing Ive ever seen" 211

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