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Song Parodies -> "I Am the Worst Carpenter"
Original Song Title:
"If I Were a Carpenter"
Original Performer:
Johnny Cash/Tim Hardin
Parody Song Title:
"I Am the Worst Carpenter"
Parody Written by:
John A. Barry
The Lyrics
I Am the Worst Carpenter
I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.
I'm a drinker of limeade
That is more than limey.
With a couple of shots it's laced,
In a glass that's rimey.
Slave-driving the only gents
Who will wheel my barrow.
Paying these guys only cents—
They subsist on taro.
And I use substandard wood.
Inspectors don't love me.
So I pretend to be good,
While they hover above me.
And I use wood filler
That's not safely binding
Pieces of a cardboard box
That replace pine siding.
I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.
I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.
I'm a drinker of limeade
That is more than limey.
With a couple of shots it's laced,
In a glass that's rimey.
Slave-driving the only gents
Who will wheel my barrow.
Paying these guys only cents—
They subsist on taro.
And I use substandard wood.
Inspectors don't love me.
So I pretend to be good,
While they hover above me.
And I use wood filler
That's not safely binding
Pieces of a cardboard box
That replace pine siding.
I am the worst carpenter;
My firm's kind of shady.
I don't carry insurance; pay
When laborers make me.
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
User Comments
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John, it almost seems like the kind of thing you write from experience--with a bad carpenter
It would be really unoriginal of me to make a comment about you "nailing" this one,John....so I won't .555
Looks like you've nailed another three-by-5.
Thanks, guys. Royce, amazingly, I've never had a bad carpenter experience. Painters, however. . . .
my dad was a carpenter...he didn't do any of that shady stuff, though...nice job
And do you have Jimmy Hoffa buried in your foundation? ;-D
Love it. I wondered if you've ever heard of a comedy duo "Doo-doo-wah". The do original funny songs and have one about "B.A.R.F. Construction" (Because the just throw it up) Funny as hell, these guys.
Thanks again. Haven't heard of 'em, Rick. Any way to find their stuff?
Try the net. I believe they are based out of Sacramento. The album I have features two guys on motorcycles, one making a left turn signal, one making a right. They have song titles like "My Baby turned Gay" and "Odor in the Court"
A well-crafted piece of work, JB...I'm nailing some 5's up for you, sorry they are going to wipe out the 7 perfect ones you already have, but maybe folks will catch my comment and check this one out.
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